Who are you?

Pt13

Surprisingly enough, it turned out that sucker-punching Jaebum to the floor had its consequences - even though you had already decided that it was one hundred percent worth the pain in your right fist. Not long after Jaebum had scurried off with his tail between his legs, you were taken down to get an X-Ray to see what damage you had caused yourself.
"...did you punch a brick wall?" your attending doctor tried her best to turn your frown upside down, seeing as you sat waiting for the results with a more than sullen and sombre expression. You wanted to say "No, I drove my fist into my cheating-ass son-of-a-bitch boyfriend. And I'd do it again, given half the chance". Alas, you thought this comment may have been slightly inappropriate. Instead, you decided to go for the oldest trick in the book - telling her that you got out of bed too quickly, slipped and fell.
"Haha..." you forced a laugh from your lips.
"Well, you must be the luckiest girl in the country" she chuckled, putting her hand on your shoulder in her consulting room. "No broken bones - but you do have a nasty sprain. Don't worry though; you'll still be able to go home at the weekend. Just make sure to take it easy when you get out of bed, won't you?" she asked, but her eyes told you that she knew your injury wasn't due to the explanation you had given her.
" - wait, did you just say I can go home at the weekend?" her words just registered with you as you widened your puffy, tear swollen eyes in disbelief.
The doctor chuckled once more, placing her hand on top of your head and petting you endearingly "I was on my way to tell you that you've been given the all clear when I was told about your hand. You're all good to go home, but you must attend your physiotherapy sessions here at the outpatient facility once a week - alright?"
Any normal person would have been over the moon at such news. However, you were far from feeling ecstatic. It felt like once you left the hospital, things would become real again. Especially now since retrieving all your stolen memories - and the knowledge of Jaebum's infidelity, you began to wonder if waking up from the coma was like stepping out of the frying pan and into the fire.
After being escorted back to your room, you felt a slight sense of relief wash over you when you saw that Jackson hadn't moved an inch from your bedside. The pain that Jaebum had caused you was unbearable, but somehow...having Jackson at your side was like finding an oasis in the middle of a scorching desert. When the nurse had finished taking your vitals and making sure you were comfortable in bed, she left the room - leaving both you and Jackson alone once again. Jackson found himself at a loss for words. Not because he didn't want to comfort you or be a shoulder for you to cry on, but because everything had happened so quickly with so many words and emotions being shot around the room, it left him in a state of purgatory. For once, he was unsure of what to do or what would be appropriate to say. But he couldn't bear the silence, so he figured that useless words would be better than no words at all.
"(Y/N)..." he murmured softly, reaching with his hand to caress your cheek as you closed your eyes, trying not to cry. You just couldn't stop thinking about the way you felt on the night of your accident. You had never felt so hurt and stupid in your whole life. You gave all of yourself to Jaebum - every single part of you that you loved and hated, and he broke your trust you in the worst imaginable. As you opened your eyes to see Jackson's deep mahogany orbs staring back at you - you couldn't stop the tears from making another appearance.
"...it would have been less painful if I had of never woken up. It would have hurt less...if I had of -"
"Don't you dare say that" Jackson cut you off immediately, his broken thoughts of his life without you present nearly suffocating him. You were so surprised at just how much tears your eyes could produce, that you didn't even pass any remarks when Jackson climbed into the hospital bed with you - moving you forward to sit behind you and placing you in between his legs to hold you from behind. Your natural reaction was to just lay back, essentially using Jackson's firm chest as a pillow while his arms completely enveloped you like impenetrable castle walls.
"Nothing in this world is worth wishing you were dead over. Jaebum...Jaebum has hurt you - but don't ever say that again (Y/N).." his tone was soft as he whispered in your ear. Each time you took a breath to begin letting out another silent cry, you could feel Jackson's embrace gripping you lovingly from behind.
"I know - I'm just...ach!" you winced in pain, feeling the aftermath of your punch to Jaebum's jaw still present in your hand that was wrapped in a hefty support bandage.
"Your poor hand..." Jackson sighed, gently placing his hand on top of your sore one. "It seems we both have an aggressive side when it comes to things like this" he chuckled wistfully, catching your attention.
"What do you mean?" you turned around to see his face shaded with slight regret.
"You're not the only one who punched Jaebum. I did too - earlier. In the dorm" he lowered his eyes to the crook of your neck as you let your mouth fall open in shock.
"You - you? You punched Jaebum? Why?" you almost laughed, despite the seriousness of the moment. In all the years you had known Jackson, you knew he was somewhat of a pacifist, so to hear that he actually punched Jaebum was both shocking and strange to you.
Jackson found your raised eyebrows and bewildered face quite comical as he too let out a dry chuckle, "Let's just say...I get a bit defensive when it comes to you. When I knew for sure that he...that he cheated, I couldn't control myself." Jackson regretted his words as soon as they came out of his mouth.
"You...you knew?" you gave him a razor-sharp look, suddenly feeling sick to your stomach as it filled itself with doubt. "He knew, yet he never told me?"
"I...I had an idea that there was something going on, but I didn't know for sure. I found out the truth a few hours ago - that's why I came here so early. I was going to tell you everything. But...then Jaebum text me and begged me to let him tell you himself, you can look at the text - if you want" he immediately loosened his grip on you to begin searching for his phone, but was taken aback when he felt your grip around him - motioning for him to stop.
"No - I - it's okay. I believe you. You...you've never lied to me. I don't want to let what Jaebum did to me stop me from losing trust in everyone...especially you. I knew something was up when you got a text earlier...was that him?" you lowered your voice as you thought back to the look of anger on Jackson's face when he looked at his phone. Jackson nodded silently, reassuming his position while feeling your body relax on top of his. Worried, Jackson reached forward slightly, pulling your sheets up over your pyjama pants in fear that you were cold, before lying back once more.
"I take it that all the other boys know? Seeing as you do..." you spoke again, suddenly feeling your cheeks flush with embarrassment in wonder of what the others had said or thought.
"Only Jinyoung knows, but you know him...he won't say anything to the others. It's none of their business. If you want to tell them, or if you want us to tell them - that's okay. But it's not our decision to make." Jackson sensed your worry as he attempted to reassure you as best he could. But the fact that this was something you were both actually discussing made you feel ten times worse.
"I just...I just don't understand Jackson...how could he do this to me? What did I do wrong? Was I not enough for him?" you continued to weep in his arms as Jackson's heart wrenched at your words. While you were down in the X-Ray room, Jackson had gone over what he could do a million times in his head. He knew he could slate Jaebum right into hell and back, he knew that he could paint him in an even more horrifying light than Jaebum had already done so himself. Jackson knew without a shadow of a doubt that he could potentially sway your decision to end things here with Jaebum, for his own selfish reasons, of course. But ultimately, Jackson knew he was not that sort of person. Even when he was filled with so much rage that caused him to lay his hands on another person, he knew deep down that Jaebum wasn't a bad person - he had just made a lot of piss poor mistakes and decisions. He also knew, that to try and sweep in and ride off with you into the sunset now would be wrong for a number of different reasons. The main one being that you were in an extremely vulnerable place - and to manipulate your decisions and actions is not how his mother raised him to treat the women in his life. Although it killed him, he had no other choice but to be himself; honest, selfless Jackson Wang.
"I know that you hate him right now - to be honest, he's not my favourite person in the world at this moment either. But...there are three sides to every story."
You looked back at Jackson, confused at his statement. "Huh? Three sides?" you asked as Jackson used the soft pads of his fingertips to wipe away your tears.
"There are three sides to every story. In this case - Jaebum's side, your side; and the truth. I won't sugar coat it...Jaebum fucked up badly, but the thing is...he knows fucked up" Jackson paused, almost gritting his teeth and hating himself more than ever. "As soon as he found out you were in the hospital, he ran here as fast as he could. But the thing is...he never left your side the entire time you were sleeping."
"What? Are you...are you being serious?" you turned on your side to look up into Jackson's face.
"I wish I wasn't" Jackson thought, before continuing. "It's true. He slept on the floor next to your bed in a futon. He only left your side to use your bathroom or to take a shower. At one point, me and the guys noticed how frail he looked...turns out that he didn't even want to go down to the cafeteria to eat, in case you woke up when he wasn't there. He didn't shave for about 4 months...(Y/N), what I'm trying to say is...he was devastated. Not only because you were in a coma but because he knew he fucked up - and because the thing he was most scared of was a life without you in it."
You sat silent for a few moments, going over Jackson's words in your head. You hated Jaebum so intensely, but at the same time he was the only person you had ever truly loved - which in turn made everything much more painful. You recalled how awful you felt when you found out that he was your boyfriend but, due to your memory loss, you couldn't remember him. You remembered the look on his face when you asked "Who Are You?" - like his world had just ended at the thought of you not knowing who he was.
"How do I know that he wasn't texting and calling that girl? The one he was cheating on me with." You snapped back to your senses, grasping at straws to try and find another reason to settle the hatred in your heart.
"He turned his phone off the entire time he was in here. When you woke up, he had it on charge for the first time in months back at the dorm and...Jinyoung and I...accidently looked through his messages to see his conversations with her. She kept texting him - but he never replied. He changed his number and got a new phone recently, too." Jackson lowered his voice once more. For the first time since finding out about Mia, Jackson realised just how much Jaebum had done to cut ties with her and to be there for you. But he couldn't help but wonder, "Would you have done that if (Y/N) was never in an accident?"
"...." you sighed, unable to formulate words as you began deeply lamenting about the whole ordeal. Jackson had thought about telling you of his meeting with Mia and finding out her version of events, but he feared that would just create more turmoil for you - leaving room for questions such as "What did she look like? Does she know me?" For as much as he would have obliged to tell you, he knew that when you were ready; you could hear a direct answer from Jaebum yourself.
"Jackson...what do I do?" you buried your face into Jackson's neck - Jackson being able to feel your warm breath tickling the sensitive skin around his ear, feeling your lips pressed flush against his crook that had his heart skipping several beats. "There's a distinct line between what I WANT you to do, and what you SHOULD do" he began tucking several wispy bits of hair behind your ear, looking down at you with troubled, softened features.
"I think...you need to follow your heart. There's no use in me telling you what do to because...only you can decide that for yourself. But I promise you (Y/N)..." he caught your attention as you opened your eyes slowly to be met by his gaze. You always felt comfortable with Jackson - even now. He knew everything about you, the good and the bad and sometimes, even the ugly. "No matter what you decide...I'm always going to be here, right by your side. Even if...you do decide to cut ties with Jaebum - please don't think that means you'll cut ties with me; or the rest of the guys for that matter. I - we love you." Jackson fought to keep his tears at bay, his voice wavering ever so slightly. He cursed himself for not being able to tell you how he truly feels, but he knew it wouldn't have been right for him to do so.
"I love you too, Jackson. You're...you're the closest person to me. And, despite everything...I'm glad I can have a friend like you who I can trust with my life. Your voice was the one I heard, you called me back here. I would never even dream of throwing away our friendship because of that lying, cheating bast -"
Jackson took this opportunity to cover your mouth with his hand, eliciting a surprised giggle from you. "Even now...he can still make me laugh. Jackson Wang...what on earth would I do without you?" you thought to yourself. However, Jackson hadn't only jokingly silenced you to put a smile on your face. Unbeknownst to you, your words were innocently hurtful - the way a child would say something to their parents that's hateful without meaning to.
"Jackson?"
"Yes (Y/N)?"
"...I know you probably have schedule today. But...do you think you can stay with me, just a little longer?" you gripped on to his embrace, completely tugging on Jackson's heartstrings as he let out a silent sigh while feeling the usual warm and fuzzy sensation you gave him. Jackson put his hand to the back of your head, further nestling you into his broad chest as he lay his head back on your pillow, curling your hair around his fingers and entangling them in it.
"I'll stay with you for as long as you want. Remember?
I'm not going anywhere."
After aimlessly and emotionlessly wandering through different side streets with tears running down his face, Jaebum somehow found himself back in your apartment. He had no idea how or why he chose to go there, but it was just natural instinct to make his way back home to you, even if you weren't physically there - no matter what. As he sat on the floor of your living room with his back up against your sofa, all he could feel was pain. Not just from where he had been punched, but deep within his soul, as if an earthquake with the magnitude of 10 had ripped through him and destroyed everything he held so close. What was worse however; was he knew that he was the sole cause of this disaster; he knew he deserved everything he was getting, and it killed him.
Fresh tears appeared in Jaebum's eyes once again as he hung his head in his hands, sniffling and spluttering while his shoulders shook with each heave of his chest. He couldn't get the image of your sunken features out of his mind when he told you the truth, nor could he erase his own memories of his blameful actions that had caused this entire thing. When he truly thought back to it, he had absolutely no idea that you had suspicions about him, and it left him wondering why you never confronted him when you caught scent of it. As Jaebum continued to wallow in brood, he didn't even hear the knock that came at your door - until he heard a key being placed in the lock. He shot his head up immediately, scared in case Jackson had decided to come to demonstrate a round two; but to his surprise, the door opened and in walked Jinyoung.
"Thought you might be here" Jinyoung said quietly as he closed the door behind him, before walking over to sit down beside his long-time friend.
"I take it Jackson told you that she knows?" Jaebum's voice was deep, sorrowful and dripping with regret as he looked to Jinyoung. Jinyoung nodded slowly, "He text me to let me know that he wouldn't be back until later tonight. He's going to stay at the hospital with (Y/N).
Jaebum scoffed harshly, tilting his head to the side and narrowing his eyes, "Of course he is. Perfect opportunity for him. Well, at least he'll get what he finally wants"
Jinyoung gave Jaebum a long, hard stare - as if he were almost glaring at him. "Well, would you prefer for her to be left alone? Crying by herself? No one to talk to? No one to talk her out of doing something stupid? You're not the only one who's upset Jaebum...stop being so selfish and grow up already" Jinyoung boldly added his last statement - being completely sick and tired of Jaebum always looking to shoulder the blame on anyone but himself.
"Oh I'm being selfish now? Jinyoung...she hates me. I wouldn't be surprised if Jackson is over there telling her that she's better off without me and -"
"Do you honestly believe that Jackson is like that? Can you truthfully sit there and tell me that Jackson - even though he's mad at you, would do something like that? Because if you do...well Jaebum, you don't know Jackson very well" Jinyoung turned his entire body around to face Jaebum and look him straight in the eyes.
"I...I know it's no secret between us that Jackson has always had feelings for (Y/N). But first and foremost, he is her best friend. He would do the same for you if the tables were turned. He would do the same for any of us because...because that's just who he is, he puts other people's feelings before himself. And of course she hates you right now Jaebum...did you expect her to just forgive you and say 'Oh well, that's okay - let's go back to the way we were'? Honestly.." Jinyoung ended his speech by shaking his head at Jaebum, feeling a mixture of being sorry for him, and disappointment. Jaebum subconsciously swept his tongue across his dry bottom lip, blinking several times to try and see Jinyoung clearly before looking back down at his hands between his knees. Hearing Jinyoung put things into perspective in such a way, filled him with sadness - but also with a very small glimmer of hope. But it was all he needed to try and hold on, until the bitter end.
"Do you...think there's a chance she'll forgive me? Or at least talk to me again?" Jaebum scrunched his lips together like a little child that was attempting to hide their sorrow. Jinyoung's face softened at Jaebum's broken demeanour. As Jaebum began to cry for the hundredth time that night, Jinyoung put his arm around his friends shoulder, pulling their bodies close together. Although Jinyoung was highly ashamed of, and disappointed in Jaebum - it hurt him to see his friend as a mere shell of himself. Just as Jackson was comforting you, Jinyoung knew he had to be the one to comfort Jaebum, before the both of you could talk in the not so distant future about where things would go next.
"I don't know, Jaebum." he replied softly, simultaneously speaking his true thoughts in his own mind, "Can you truly forgive someone who does you so wrong?"