Who are you?

Pt5

When you were eventually able to return to your room, you sat upright a little in your bed – feeling more frustrated and torn than you had ever felt in your life. On one hand, you were just coming to terms with having lost 6 months of your life. In a way, it felt like you'd just been sleeping for a very long time with short bursts of flashbacks in between. It didn't feel like a typical dream, but it felt like you had been slightly aware nonetheless.
On the other hand, you couldn't have imagined any other scenario than waking up to see the faces of your friends surrounding your bedside; however, there in lay the problem. As you breathed deeply, lost in a daydream while you stared at your IV, you couldn't stop thinking about this 'Jaebum' person who claimed to be your boyfriend. Not only that – everyone else was telling you he was too.
"Retrograde amnesia...huh..." you said out loud to no one, processing what the doctors and specialists had told you upon examining the results of your tests.
"Putting it in layman's terms – for some reason or other, your mind has completely erased any trace of Jaebum ever being in your life, due to the head trauma you received on the night of the accident. We'll work with you during the next few weeks and months to try and recover those memories, but for now – it's best not to overexert yourself. We cannot force you to remember what your mind has chosen to forget, but we can certainly help you get to that destination"
You found yourself feeling sorry for yourself, and also feeling sorry for Jaebum. "If he really is my boyfriend, I must be really hurting him right now" you couldn't help but think of someone else's feelings even when you were the one in the hospital bed. You thought about the way the light almost left his eyes when you refused to believe him, like he was fighting a losing battle; him vs the world. As you recalled the image of him at your bedside, you couldn't deny that he would be exactly the type of person you would fall for – tall, dark hair and eyes with an incredibly soft, endearing smile that would make you go weak at your knees. You had so many questions, yet you knew none of the answers – and as you were deep in thought, you heard a knock arrive at your door, seeing the handle dip down and a more than familiar face smiling gingerly at you as Jackson entered the room alone, closing the door gently behind him and making his way over to your bedside, parking himself down on a chair as he held his hand out for you to hold.
"Hey Jacks~" you gave him a half-hearted smile as you placed your hand in his, feeling him squeeze it tight – as if he was making sure you were really there and not in one of his many dreams that he had.
"Hey little lady. How you feelin'?" he tilted his head as he smiled at you warmly. You softened your eyes, blinking slowly as you squeezed his hand back a bit.
"I'm...I'm not sure how to feel. It feels like – I don't even know how to describe it. It feels like everything happened so quickly since the moment I woke up, and now I'm only getting the chance to breathe" you chuckled softly as Jackson nodded his head, hanging off your every word as he intently listened to everything you had to say. This was one of the many things you had always adored about Jackson; his ability to listen and understand, to effectively try to put himself in other people's shoes and see things from their perspective – and even now, that much was apparent with the way he gave you his full and undivided attention.
"I can't imagine what it's like to feel the way you feel. But, you have no idea how happy me and the rest of the guys are. We all prayed for this day to come, and you finally came back to us. Thank you, (Y/N)" he spoke in the most genuine, compassionate tone known to mankind, making your heart beat just that little bit faster to know you had someone in your life who understood you.
However, as silence took its place between the heartfelt words exchanged between you both – the ever looming reality of the predicament you currently faced filled both your souls with a certain uneasiness, knowing that sooner or later – you would have to address it and face it head on.
"Did the rest of the boys go home already?" you asked.
Jackson took a deep breath, wondering how to formulate his words as after he followed Jaebum back to the consultation room to recuperate with the others, he couldn't rid himself of the idea that Jaebum was certainly hiding something. There was a vital missing puzzle piece that he was keeping all to himself – and that infuriated Jackson to no end, especially with seeing your face right in front of him, waiting for his answer.
"Youngjae, Mark, BamBam and Yugyeom went back – they told me to tell you they'd come and visit you later on during the week" he paused, watching for any reaction in your expression before continuing, "Um, Jinyoung and...Jaebum are outside in the waiting room."
You nodded at his words slowly, imagining how Jaebum must be feeling at the thought of his girlfriend not even being able to recognize his face – making you feel furious at yourself for having no control over anything.
"I feel terrible. Did you see the way he looked at me? I...I don't know what to say Jackson. He must be so upset...I don't even know him – well, you know what I mean. I don't know anything about him but...it's like I can feel how hurt he is right now" you spoke in a flat tone, letting your eyes fall to your blankets as you tried your best to sort through the jumbled thoughts in your head. As you continued to tell him of your confusion and frustration, Jackson couldn't help but let his mind wander back to the doctors explanation of how a person can erase painful, traumatic memories. He wanted so desperately to ask you "Has Jaebum ever hurt you? Has he ever done something so bad that you wish you didn't know him?" but knowing that there was no use; as you simply wouldn't be able to recall.
"You shouldn't feel terrible (Y/N) – you were in a coma after having a serious accident. You'll get through this amnesia thing, okay? I know you will. You were strong enough to wake up, and you're strong enough to get better now. I'm never going to give up on you...and neither will the rest of the boys. Jaebum included" he added, knowing that even though Jaebum was hiding something – he obviously loved you a great deal regardless.
You felt yourself tearing up at his words, thanking your lucky stars for his existence as Jackson stood up and leaned over to you, putting his arms around your frame and delicately cuddling you in a way that spoke "You're safe, I'm here. You're protected"
"I don't want to, but I have to get going (Y/N). We have a stupid photoshoot in the morning and I need to sort myself out...I'm not trying to pressure you or anything but, did you maybe want to see Jaebum again before we go? You don't have to – but you can if you want to. It's your decision" he spoke softly into your ear. As he let go and stood up straight, you seriously thought about his words, wondering if you maybe saw Jaebum's face again, maybe it would be too much like before and his emotions would get the better of him. You didn't want to upset yourself any further, and you didn't want to upset him any more than you already had either.
"No, it's okay for now. I think it's best to...just give it a bit of time before we speak to each other again. But...maybe the next time you guys come to visit me...you could bring me any pictures or anything of the two of us together? The doctor said it could help.." you trailed off upon seeing him nod in agreement, flashing you his adorable, puffy cheek smile while he zipped up his hoodie.
"Of course we can do that. Anything you want or need – just tell me. We'd do anything for you, (Y/N). I'll bring your phone and charger tomorrow so we can text when you're bored, okay? Try and get some rest. I'll see you real soon" he leaned down, giving you a small kiss on your forehead as you smiled from ear to ear.
"Night Jackson, get home safely" you replied, as he made his way over to the door – giving you one final look and a wave goodbye, before disappearing out into the hallway.
"Is she okay? What did she say? Does she want to see me? Is she still upset?" Jaebum flooded Jackson with questions as both he and Jinyoung stood up to greet him in the waiting room.
"She's alright, just really out of it and confused...but.." he licked his lips nervously, looking at Jaebum's tired but still eager expression. "She thinks it's a good idea to not force the memory of you upon her. So, for just a while...maybe it's better if you come back to the dorms for a bit and give her some time" he spoke truthfully, unlike Jaebum had done so earlier. Jacksons words made Jaebum feel so incredibly helpless and downright useless. He wanted nothing more than to just sit down and talk with you and try to make you remember him – but at the same time, he knew that it would further upset both you, and him.
"But, she wants us to bring in pictures and anything we can of the both of you together. It's not like she doesn't want to remember you Jaebum. She's practically blaming herself, you know" Jackson added, watching the look of pure guilt spread across Jaebum's face before he swallowed hard, nodding his head furiously and trying his best to fight back tears.
"Okay then – I'll gather everything I have of her and I and put it all in a box for you guys to take in. I'll do it as soon as I go home" Jaebum went into a manic-state mode as he sniffed through his nose, not wanting to leave you, but also wanting to go back to the dorms and your apartment and lift anything and everything that could help you remember him.
"I'm never giving up, Jackson. I will fight to my last breath until she remembers me. I just – I love her so much and to imagine a life without her...it kills me" his eyes were sharp and his voice more passionate than Jinyoung or Jackson had ever heard in all the years they had known him.
Jackson raised his hand to Jaebum's shoulder as they all began walking towards the elevators, Jinyoung pressing the button to go down as they all waited for the lift to arrive. "Good. Let's do whatever it takes to solve this" he reassured Jaebum, but not in the way Jaebum thought he meant it. Jackson was now fully in the mind that Jaebum was hiding something so dark and hurtful, and he was going to do whatever it took to uncover it; he just hoped that in the process of everything coming to light, you wouldn't be the one to get hurt in the end.