Who are you?

Pt17

Confusion. Hurt. Guilt. Emptiness.
Those were the four emotions that coursed through Jaebum's veins as he slowly began to open his eyes. The first thing he was met by, was a pale-coloured ceiling above his head - along with being drenched in his own sweat as he ran his hands down his chest to find a river of it gathering in his toned concave.
"What?" he mumbled to himself, trying to focus his eyes on his surroundings while pushing his perspiring hair off his forehead. Jaebum looked around him - completely confused and bewildered, not having the foggiest idea of where he was due to the room being engulfed in a dim haze. He slowly sat up - realising that he was on top of a bed, before letting his eyes become adjusted to the lack of light around him.
"...(Y/N)'s room?" he furrowed his brows - before muscle memory took over his body and allowed him to reach to the side of the bed to fumble about for the light-switch that he knew was there. He flicked it on, almost blinding himself in the process as your room lit up before him.
"Why am I here? How did I get here?" he questioned himself as he threw the covers off him, noticing that he was dressed only in a pair of boxer-briefs. Jaebum sat on the side of the bed that he knew belonged to you, before letting his eyes pan around the room - scrutinizing every single object present. As he did, not only did he observe all of your usual things like your clothes, shoes, makeup and jewellery; but his stuff was there too.
"...(Y/N)?" he called out softly as he stood up, listening with all his might for any sign of life while burning his stare into the door that led to the hallway. "Nothing..." he blinked several times, looking down to the ground and across to the bed-side table to see his phone sitting on top of it. Immediately, he reached for it - pressing his thumb to the finger-print reading mechanism and unlocking his phone to see the date and time.
"27th April, 2016 - 19:29" Jaebum repeated in his head, becoming more and more confused. "Am I dreaming?" he questioned himself while bringing his hands to his face, smacking his cheeks a few times in the hopes that he would wake up from all of the confusion. "Are you dreaming right now, Im Jaebum?" he said out loud - pressing his fingers to his temples and forcefully squeezing them. It was then, Jaebum heard someone padding down the hallway towards the room - and before he could even attempt to react or move, the door opened slowly; revealing you on the other side.
"Oh - sleeping beauty is finally awake!" you spoke in a playful, sarcastic tone as you entered the room.
"I just took a shower and I was about to wake you. Are we still going out tonight?" you walked right past him in nothing but his over-sized sweatshirt and a pair of gym shorts, like you always wore when you were lounging around at home. As you opened your wardrobe to rummage around for something nice to wear for the evening, all you could hear from behind you was uncomfortable silence - causing you to turn around; completely befuddled by his lack of response.
"Jaebum...did you hear me?" you tilted your head while he stared back at you, entirely spaced out.
"...I...what? (Y/N) - I don't..." Jaebum trailed off as he kept staring at you with wide eyes. "Is she here? Is she really here?" his mouth opened and closed, staring at you like he just saw a ghost.
"Jaebum, are you okay baby?" you asked slowly, taking a step closer to him. But before you could open your mouth to ask what was wrong, Jaebum lunged forward with speed - grabbing you with both his hands and crashing you right into his chest
You were real - he could feel the warmth of your body on his, he could smell your shampoo off your freshly towel-dried hair, along with the perfume you always wore. You held your breath for what seemed like the longest time as you snaked your arms around his torso, returning his embrace as his hug seemed to get tighter and tighter. It was almost as if he were afraid you would disappear in the blink of an eye. And as you leaned your head back to get a good look at his face, all you could see was nothing less than deadly destruction, mixed with an earnest sense of relief.
"(Y/N) - is this a dream? Am I really here right now?" he muttered in your ear. You could hear the desperation and fear laced in his tone - causing you to reach up and place your hand reassuringly on the back of his head.
"Yes baby, you're here with me. No, it's not a dream...you're awake Jaebum" you replied soothingly, wondering what on earth happened to him that caused him to be so terrified in that moment.
"Did we have a fight? Did we break up? Were you in a coma? Was it all a dream?" he took your face in his hands as he fired question after question at you. He frantically searched your eyes for any truth ringing through to his words - but all he could see was a comical look of bewilderment on your face.
"What the hell? Jaebum...no" you chuckled, finally getting a grasp on the situation your boyfriend currently found himself in. "We haven't had a fight today - not yet anyway~ The night is still young!" you jested, pausing to smile at him. "No, we didn't break up...and no, I haven't been in a coma- not to my knowledge at least~" you placed your hands on top of his.
"Baby, did you have a dream? Is that why you're all worked up?" you pulled his hands from your face and intertwined your fingers with his, before leading him over to the side of your bed and sitting down, facing each other.
"I...yeah...I think so..." Jaebum replied, still in a state of shock and looking like he just came back from another planet. "I'm so confused (Y/N) - I can't even remember what happened before I went to sleep, I just don't know what -"
"Shhh, calm down, it's okay now - I'm here, alright?" you cut him off, seeing him getting more and more distressed by the second. You had never seen him in such a state - but you knew the reason why he was so worked up; and it wasn't because of his dream, either.
"You texted me around 5 hours ago to tell me that you were leaving practice early because your back was painful - and you had a migraine...remember?" you spoke calmly, running your hand along his arm in comforting, circling motions that always made him feel more at peace. Jaebum nodded slowly, his foggy memories of texting you in complete agony while taking a cab back to your apartment earlier on that day, coming back to him.
"And I told you that I put your painkillers in the bathroom cabinet, and to take a nap...and that I'd wake you up when I got home. Any of this ringing a bell?" you smiled at him, your words eliciting a tiny, child-like grin on his lips. Jaebum nodded again, quickly this time - recalling how excruciating the pain in his back was after landing a flip wrong in the practice room. He reached around, placing his hand to the small of his back - but the pain had greatly subsided since he lay down to sleep.
"Did you take the painkillers? How's your back now?"
"Yeah - I took two of them because my head was killing me too" he flashed you a sorry look. "I know...they're super strong and I should have only taken one, but I wanted to just pass out and get rid of the pain" he sighed, before you landed a sharp smack in the middle of his chest.
"Jaebum! No wonder you're all spaced out and talking about dreams! You're lucky you didn't put yourself in a coma - oh my god, I knew I should have come home with you. Those painkillers are too strong to take two, you're only prescribed to take one when your back gets sore...what am I gonna do with you?" you shook your head - half in disappointment, half in shock. It wasn't often that Jaebum's back got so bad that he had to use the medication, but when it did - even when he took one, it meant that he was out cold for several hours and he'd wake up all confused; not knowing what day it is or what planet he was on either.
"I know you put on a brave face for everyone, but you need to rest too! You work too hard and it puts so much strain and stress on your body...and then this happens. I get so worried about you..." you said in a quiet voice, averting your eyes around the room. Jaebum knew that you were constantly sick with worry about how much he put himself through, and he knew that it did take a toll on him from time to time. But the best medicine was you; your presence, your words and the love you gave him unconditionally.
"I...I had the worst dream I've ever had" he mumbled, lowering his eyes to your crossed legs in front of him as his mind raced through the scenes of his dream.
"Do you wanna tell me about it? Maybe talking about it would help~" you lifted his hand to your lips, dotting several dainty kisses on his knuckles that made him smile for, what felt to Jaebum, like the first time in six months. He took a deep breath, exhaling from the bottom of his lungs.
"It was weird. I dreamt that I was seeing everything from your point of view - it's like, I was you, and I could see myself and everything in the dream as if you were seeing it, does that even make sense?" his throat produced a dry chuckle, as you nodded in turn before telling him to continue. "In the dream, I was cheating on you...and you found out"
"...okay...continue?"
"And you followed me to some run-down bar to, like - catch me in the act with another girl, I guess? But as you were leaving, you were so upset that you just ran out into the road and you got hit by a car. You didn't die - but you were in a coma. In the dream...you were in a coma for six months."
You sat staring at Jaebum, feeling conflicted about the content of his dream - but also feeling genuinely sorry for him. "Having a dream with a time-span of six months? Shit" you finally understood his dire confusion upon waking up.
"You woke up after the six months, but you lost all your memories of me. You remembered the rest of the boys, but you had a type of amnesia that takes away painful memories. To cut a long story short...I eventually told you that I cheated on you, and that caused you to fully regain all your memories" he swallowed hard, intentionally leaving out the parts about Jackson, for they were too painful and raw to even think about, let alone talk about.
"And? What happened after?"
"Well, you punched me. And then when you got out of the hospital, you and I talked everything through. You said you didn't know if you could forgive me or take me back...but you would be willing to try because you loved me. But, you said you couldn't make any promises" his voice dipped at the end, almost feeling tears coming to his eyes as he relived how he felt during those moments.
You let out a heavy sigh, dropping your shoulders in the process before taking both his hands in yours. "First off - if you ever cheated on me, it wouldn't be me who'd be in a coma. It would be you - cos I would beat the crap out of you" you laughed, trying to crack silly jokes in an attempt to lighten the mood. "Second, you're damn right I would punch you! But - is that how it ended? I said I would try to give it another shot?" you asked, seeing him nod in turn.
"That's when I woke up. We were in your living room and I was down on my knees, begging you to take me back" he shook his head slowly, running his tongue along his bottom lip pensively.
"You know that I'd never cheat on you, right? I know we don't say it every single day to each other - but you know that you're the only one I want to be with, don't you? I love you, (Y/N). I really do. I love you so much...and you're all I'll ever want." his words almost caught themselves in his throat as he pulled you into his lap, cradling you as both your arms found their way around each other.
"I know you wouldn't. That's why you're the only person I've ever fully trusted. I know we don't say it every single day, but we show it to each other every single day. That's just who we are - and I wouldn't change a thing about that" you whispered in his ear, "I love you too, Jaebum."
It seemed like hours, being in each other's embrace. You listened carefully to Jaebum rambling on about how real the dream seemed, how guilty and awful he felt - even the feelings he experienced about wanting to die. But it just made you hold on to him that little bit tighter. Jaebum was the type of guy who never showed his emotions easily, especially to people he wasn't close with. But, he always let his walls come crashing down when it came to you. You knew the true Jaebum, all of his virtues and vices - his fears, his dreams, his loves and hates; and he knew yours too. As far as you both were concerned, the two of you had your own perfect relationship.
"I just don't understand why I had the dream to begin with though. I could see into it if I was dreaming about you cheating on me, that's a common dream for couples to have sometimes, right?" Jaebum had calmed down a little now - placing his logical, rational thinking hat on and delving into the science behind his own mind.
"Baby - what you had wasn't a dream. It was a nightmare" you looked him straight in his dark orbs. "Nightmares are our worst fears - they tell us what we're scared of and they depict things that we would do anything and everything to avoid. Obviously, one of your fears is hurting me to the point where...it caused me to almost lose my life" you added. Jaebum nodded his head, not being able to agree with you more.
"You're right" he whispered. "I know it's cheesy, but...my biggest fear is losing you. Because without you, who am I?"
You blinked slowly at him, before deciding to steadily push him down further on to the bed - laying his back against the mattress while you nestled yourself in between his legs. Your lips ghosted over his for a few seconds, before Jaebum closed his eyes and eliminated the gap between you both. With every skip of your heartbeat that Jaebum managed to cause, your kiss with him deepened - making you feel drunk and light-headed. Even though he had been with you for two years, Jaebum was always amazed at how you never failed to take his breath away each time you kissed him. For each time, it felt like the first time all over again - and that's how he knew that he was ridiculously in love with you.
"You're my boyfriend - my partner. Im Jaebum. And I love you with all my heart. No more horrible nightmares, okay? I'm here to chase them all away, I won't let them hurt you~" you cooed into his face, both of you smiling back at the other as his eyes complete disappeared into crescent moons.
"Yes - my itty-bitty girlfriend will protect me~ Thank you" he replied with a playful tone, but he was sincere nonetheless.
"We were meant to go out to see a movie...but - do you wanna just stay in and order food? I can't really be arsed going out now~ Besides, we're not even dressed and it's almost 8pm" you giggled, looking over to the clock hanging on the far-side wall of your room. Jaebum wrapped his arms around you, letting his hands travel south to rest upon your bum-cheeks as he always did - managing to make you blush ever-so-gently.
"We can always go out another time, movies and takeaway on your sofa sounds like heaven right now. And I - wait, are you wearing anything underneath this?" Jaebum's whole demeanour changed as he quickly felt no trace of a panty-line underneath your shorts - squeezing your cheeks and chuckling to himself upon hearing you yelp in turn.
"Oi! Movies and dinner first. You can have desert after~" you winked at him, loving the sight of him below you with his lip trapped between his teeth. "I'll go get the menus - how about you pick a movie? We can watch anything you like" you gave his lips a final chaste kiss, before rolling off him and on to the floor.
"Sounds good~" Jaebum hummed back at you, watching you as you turned on your heel and made your way into the kitchen in search of the many take-away menus you both had collected over the years. Jaebum rolled on to his stomach, relieved to have woken up from the worst nightmare he had ever experienced. But, as he smiled - he couldn't help but think back to how Jackson had been acting the dream, practically head over heels in love with you. Jaebum knew that you and Jackson shared a brother and sister type of love - and it never bothered him in the slightest because he knew that you loved him, and only him. "She's friendly with all the boys - and they love her like a sister...don't be so stupid Jaebum" he shook his head as he got up to pull on his sweatpants that were lying on the ground. But even at that - he couldn't shake the dire feeling of worry residing in his gut caused by his dream. "It was just a dream Jaebum - it wasn't real. That's not who I am. That's not who I'll ever be."
"Jackson - please! Wake up! Can you hear me?!"
Jackson awoke to the sound of Jinyoung shouting directly into his face and the feeling of being shook by his shoulders as he lay in bed. He opened his eyes, instantly landing them right on Jinyoung who was almost lying on top of him, desperately trying to wake him up.
"Jinyoung - I...what - I was - no -"
"Jackson, calm down and stop shouting - it's 3 in the morning, you're gonna wake everyone up!" Jinyoung cut Jackson off in the form of placing his hand over his friends mouth, his voice hoarse and panicked. "Are you okay? You were moaning and shouting so I ran from my room...I thought someone was murdering you!" Jinyoung could finally relax, knowing that an axe-wielding murderer wasn't present in GOT7's dorms.
With the help of Jinyoung, Jackson slowly sat up in his bed, looking around the room to observe Jaebum's empty bed right across from him.
"Where's JB?" he asked, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.
"He's at (Y/N)'s - remember? He left practice early because of his back and they had a date tonight too, I think." Jinyoung sat on the edge of Jackson's bed, watching ten levels of stress habituate Jackson's freshly awoken features. "What happened? Were you dreaming?"
Jackson blinked hard, moving his eyes around the room as he began to regain proper consciousness. "Yeah...it was..." he trailed off, not wanting to tell Jinyoung the nitty-gritty details of everything that happened. "It was like - in the future? I was in my thirties I think, and GOT7 weren't GOT7 any more. We were all doing our own thing. And...well, I was on my way to Hong Kong to see my parents and for some reason - (Y/N) was on the same plane"
"(Y/N) was there?"
"Yeah - but...the last thing I remember before I woke up was..." he paused, looking into Jinyoung's eyes, "She died in my dream, Jinyoung"
Jinyoung stared back in silence, before taking a large breath in and exhaling back out, "I'm sorry you had that dream...but it's just a dream, okay? It's not real - I'm sure (Y/N) is absolutely fine" he spoke with a heavy tiredness in his voice. "Look - it's late. How about we talk about it in the morning? I need to get some sleep. Will you be okay?"
"Yeah don't worry, I'll be fine. Sorry for waking you." Jackson replied flatly. Even though it was apparent that you dying was only in the realm of his dream, it still made him feel sick to his stomach nonetheless. But the even more confusing part - was the fact you were his wife. Not only that, you had two beautiful children together. As Jackson watched Jinyoung get up and go to walk out, he could still see their faces and his daughters voice so clearly in his mind.
"Don't be sorry - it's all good. I thought something had happened to you, that's all. See you in a few hours" Jinyoung said sleepily as he continued walking. As he opened Jackson and Jaebum's door to go back to his room, he accidentally knocked his foot into a huge pile of washing - causing Jaebum's DefSoul sweatshirt to skid across the floor, catching Jackson's attention immediately.
"Gah! I'll fold it tomorrow, I'm too tired - night" Jinyoung muttered under his breath, before closing the door behind him and trudging back down the hallway into his own bedroom.
Jackson sat staring at the words 'DefSoul' - recalling how, in his dream, he had signed an autograph for a girl on the plane; right before he remembered how you always stole it to wear it in real life. "What the hell, Jackson...." he leaned his head against the headboard, looking up to the ceiling.He didn't quite know why he pictured you in your apartment with the girl in the sweatshirt; but then again, nothing seemed to make much sense to him in that moment either.
"Jaebum wouldn't be too happy if I told him that I dreamt I married his girlfriend and had children with her..." he thought to himself, thinking back to his dream; how Jaebum watched you both walk off into the sunset to China with your little family.
"Did they break up in my dream? But how does that explain how we got married?" he wrecked his brains, before landing back at the damning thought of you dying right in front of him - and there wasn't a single thing he could have done to save you. Jackson reached under his pillow, pulling his phone out to find his thumbs hovering over your contact. He knew it was 3am, but he desperately needed to talk to you; what he would end up saying to you, he didn't know.
"Fuck it" Jackson cursed to himself, before pressing the dial button and putting the phone to his ear. After several rings, he was just about ready to end the call - when he suddenly heard the call pick up; making his heartbeat pound faster in turn.
"(Y/N)? I'm sorry if I woke you, but -"
"Jackson?" came a deep, sleepy voice from the other side of the phone - however, it wasn't your voice.
"Hyung?" Jackson almost stuttered, knowing exactly who it was.
"Jackson, why are you calling so late? Is something wrong?" even though Jaebum had just been awoken from his second slumber of the night, he could tell straight away from Jackson's tone that something was troubling him.
Jackson bit his lip nervously, choosing his words very carefully "Hyung I'm so sorry for calling and waking you...nothing's wrong but...I had a really, really messed up dream about (Y/N) and I just wanted to call her and make sure she was okay" his words were half true. To Jackson's complete and utter surprise, Jaebum let out a gentle chuckle in response.
"Seems like you and I both had crazy dreams about (Y/N) today" he kept his voice low in an attempt to not wake you up.
"What do you mean? You had a dream about her as well?" Jackson scrunched his eyebrows together.
Jaebum proceeded to give Jackson a run-down of his dream; while omitting the part about Jackson being in complete and utter love with you in the process. Jackson sat with his mouth hanging wide open on the other end of the line, not being able to believe how much of a coincidence their dreams were - almost like they fitted together to make one, complete story.
"Holy shit..." was all Jackson could say in response.
"I know, right?" Jaebum chuckled once more. "What was yours? Don't tell me you dreamt about me cheating on her, too?" there was a hint of playful jest in his voice now - after having long calmed down from the distress of his dream in more ways than one; thanks to you.
"No...well - what happened was...um..." again, Jackson chose to withhold information and change his story slightly. Little did he know, Jaebum was doing exactly the same thing.
"All of us were on a plane with (Y/N) going to Hong Kong. Right before I woke up, (Y/N) started acting strange and she looked like she was in pain, so I tried to help her...but...it ended up that she died before the plane took off. And then I woke up to Jinyoung shaking me and trying to get me to calm down" he let out a genuine, quiet laugh as he thought about how funny Jinyoung looked all shook up in his pyjamas.
"She died...?" Jaebum's eyes widened to their full capacity. "Jesus...what's up with us having these nightmares?"
"I don't know..." Jackson let out a disgruntled scoff, "But, (Y/N)...she's okay, right? She's alive and well?" he chuckled slightly.
Jaebum looked down to his right-hand side, seeing you curled up and fast asleep without a care in the world. "She's sleeping beside me right now - she's perfectly fine. I was sleeping too until I heard her phone vibrating. I thought it was mine until I went to answer it and saw it was you" Jaebum's lips curled into a smile, completely fixated on your beautiful, sleeping form.
"Ahh sorry, I'll let you get back to sleep then. I'm really sorry for calling like this, hyung" Jackson apologised over and over.
"No worries - she's you're friend so it's only natural you'd worry about her after that dream you had. I'll tell her you called when she wakes up, okay?"
"Yeah - thanks JB~ sleep well, see you tomorrow" Jackson replied politely, before hearing Jaebum hang up the phone - leaving him in complete silence in his empty room.
Jackson stared at his phone for the longest time, letting the events of his dream replay through his mind. One thing that he kept thinking back to was how he so vividly felt nothing but love - seeing the faces of his son and daughter. How his daughter had his eyes, your hair, his nose and your cheeks. How his son clung on to you in the baby-sling, and how you looked at him like he was the most important person in the world. Jackson knew he was full of love and affection, but he had never felt love like he did in his dream. It was different from the love he received from his family and friends - even in past relationships he had. He found himself thinking back to the very first time he ever met you - how shy and adorable you were; but he knew from very early on that you and Jaebum were completely made for each other. Jackson had never felt anything towards you other than pure plutonic, brotherly love...but his dream suddenly had him lost in a world of doubt.
"You can't be serious, Wang. She's your best friend's girlfriend - she's your best friend too. I don't have feelings for her...do I?" he lay back down in his bed, rolling on to his side and knowing fine rightly that he wasn't going to be able to get back to sleep.
Meanwhile, since hanging up the phone and placing it back on your bed-side table, Jaebum shimmied himself back down in the bed beside you. He had never once taken you for granted, but as he snuggled up close behind you, he felt like he had truly been given a second chance; even though, it was all only just a dream. Like Jackson, Jaebum knew that he probably wouldn't be able to drift off to sleep again. Instead, he was content with his arms around you, feeling the rise and fall of your chest as you peacefully slept.
"I hope you're having nice dreams (Y/N) - not nightmares like me" he smiled, before very gently planting a damp kiss on your neck. Jaebum would have been lying to himself if he wasn't going to be extra aware of how Jackson acted around you for a little while, but he couldn't help feeling over-protective of you. Especially since his dream seemed so real and vivid, with the way in which Jackson acted in a ruthless attempt to bring Jaebum to justice and take over his place.
"Jackson is my best friend. Even if I was a cheating asshole, he'd manage to talk sense into me first" Jaebum concluded as he continued happily watching you while you slept in his arms.
Jackson pulled out his phone once more, scrolling through the endless amount of pictures in his camera roll - before coming across a group photo of you all, including the other boys. He opened it, zooming in on your face beside his, with Jaebum on the other side of you; all of you smiling as if it were the happiest day of your lives. Just like Jaebum, Jackson was looking at you. Just like Jaebum, all Jackson could think about, was you.
"Who are you?" - the question you asked when you lost all your memories of Jaebum in his dream. The same question that Jaebum had told Jackson about when he was explaining what happened.
"I'm Im Jaebum. I'm her boyfriend. I'm the person who loves her most in this world" Jaebum closed his eyes, letting your sweet, natural smell fill his nostrils as he smiled from ear to ear.
Back at the dorms, Jackson rolled over to his other side; still looking at your face on his screen before letting out a massive, frustrated sigh. He felt confused due to his conflicting emotions. He felt hurt by the fact he felt so alone. He felt guilty for having such thoughts about his best friend's girlfriend...and he felt empty, for it seemed like he was missing something he needed so desperately in his life.
"I'm Jackson Wang. And..I'm...I'm just her friend" he whispered.
{The End}