A Look Inside My Head

Happy New Year.. I Guess

New Year Same Me

The infamous News Year saying is so overrated. Why the hell do we always say it when we never change?

The same shitty people are still shitty. The same lonely people are still lonely. The same happy people are still happy. One certain day wont change any of that. New Years is just the beginning to the same twelve months of disappointment.

I guess you could say that I am not a huge fan of New Years Eve. It signifies the night of partying and chaos. The night where everyone gets drunk and kisses random strangers blindly when it hits midnight.

I am not a partier. Well I have never been to a party to know for sure, but I have a feeling that I wont like it. Drunk strangers grinding on each other to awful music before stumbling into any free room to get it on and then forget it even happened the next due to drinking way too much. Sometimes they don't even get to the room and just get in on on any flat surface.

I spend New Years alone. Well, with my family but they don't care about the 'holiday'. All my friends go to the parties that I speak so highly of. I mean good for them! Getting wasted and making questionable decisions throughout a night that will be forgotten in the sea of other parties they go to... what a fun time.

Call me a party pooper all you want, but New Years Eve kinda sucks. Its just another day in life that happens to be the end of a whole year. The only meaning this day has is that we are all getting older and crankier and we think that this one night it will all be different if we all get blackout drunk and party until we pass out.

I guess you could say I have the mind of an eighty year old trapped inside and eighteen year olds body. I get I am no fun. I get that I live a boring, bland life. I get that I don't get out much. I get it, trust me on this one. I take comfort in small groups of close friends and not fifty strangers or "friends of a friend".

I'm just little old boring me. I will remain that way most likely now until the end of my life and I guess I am okay with that. I will grow to be okay with staying home and not going out and having fun with friends at stupid parties.

I remember when life was simpler and I would just go over to a friend's house and play the Game of Life while watching Dick Clark's New Year's Eve show (back when he was also still doing them) and them cheer when the clock struck twelve. I remember doing something small and fun like that for so many years, until they got dragged into the party craze leaving me behind. I mean yeah they would sometimes invite me ,which I am grateful for, but it just isn't my scene. They want me to get out more and come to these sorts of things. But I know the minute they start drinking they will go off with someone and leave me all alone in a room full strange faces to sit on a most likely stained couch for the rest of the night. Because no one wants a little scared puppy following them around all night holding them back from the good time.

So I just make life easier and decline the offer much to their disappointment and comments of "you should get out more".

I will continue to look the same as I did last year. I will continue to act to same as I did last year. I will still be the same emotional wreck as I was last year. I will still be the same party pooper as I was last year. I will still be the same short, chubby, blonde girl who doesn't know how to live a little like I was last fucking year.

New Year's used to be fun. Once filled with friends, board games, snacks and sparkling cider. Now just any other night where the next few months after I will forget to write a nine instead of an eight on all my papers.

Please remember to be safe if you do go out and enjoy your last night of 2018. If you are drinking tonight make sure that you DO NOT DRIVE. Have fun and be safe and have a Happy New Year.