A Look Inside My Head

Soulmates

I wish soulmates were real. That way I would know that there is someone out there waiting for me. So that I would know that there's someone out there made for me and meant for me. I just wanna be loved. I know I am loved, but I want the romantic love. I want to know what that feels like.

I want to know if there really is someone out there that's destined to be with me. I want to know if they're a good person and if they're worthy of loving me and worthy of my love.

What if they're not a good person? Well I try and move on from them and am left to hope to god that there's someone else out there for me? Or will I stay because I think I can't do any better than them like I have thought for so many years?

What if they don't want me? How much will that hurt and will I be prepared for it? I don't know if I can take another heartbreak, sometimes I wonder if it's just best to remain alone.

I'm so scared of finding someone that I care so deeply about only for them to stop caring about me and leave me with my feelings and my shattered heart to mend on my own.

Maybe it's best if I never find them so I don't have a chance to be disappointed. So I don't have a chance for my walls to be broken down again only to have to rebuild them three times thicker. I so badly want to fall in love, but I don't know if I can handle the landing. Will it be full of soft pillows to break my fall? Or will I shatter into a million pieces? Would they be there to clean it up if they decide to stick around or well I have to clean up the mess that is me?

In the end, I would want to meet them no matter who it is. I want to see what kind of person the universe paired me with. I would just pray to whatever higher being there is that they will love and cherish me as much as I would love and cherish them.

That's all I ask for.

I think I deserve to be loved. I just hope one day someone will.