Anna's Journal

Monday September 1st, 2014

I lost 5 pounds over the weekend. All I did was do sit ups and drink water. I didn't eat a bit a of food! Zero. Nada. Zilch. I'm kinda proud that I'm sticking to this. Last time I was forced to stop before I got to my goal because my dad found out. I know it's not healthy and my dad would flip if he knew that I started cutting too but... It takes away the pain of being alone. Ever since mom died seven years ago I've been alone. My dad constantly worked causing us to move place to place and even if we stayed somewhere long enough I never make friends. Who would want to make friends with me anyways. I'm a fat, ugly, disgusting, slutty, freak! I now weigh 116. I'm like a freaking whale. I have to see Daniel in an hour to work on the project. Yeah he finally talked to me but all he said was, "Work at your place." And left. So I guess were actually gonna work together. I really do feel bad for him. I don't know why he's being nicer than everyone else. He has no reason to be nice to me. I'm just the ugly fat cow everyone hates. Whatever. No need to dwell on how that boys mind works. Or how his black leather works to make his deep cool blue eyes almost glisten- wait what? I really need to stop thinking stuff like that about him. He would never like me plus it'll make it that much worse when he finally does start bulling me along wound the others. Speaking of that the bulling has gotten better. They don't call me huge and disgusting but just stick to fat and ugly. I guess I'm starting to improve.

Tuesday

September 2nd, 2014

Yesterday Daniel and I worked on our art project. I had the best time ever! I opened the door to let him in. I was only wearing a sports bra and shorts at the time. I pointed him to my room while I grabbed a hoodie to hide me huge stomach. When I walked back into my room I found him browsing through my CDs with a slight smile on his lips. I could go on for hours about those lips... Wait. No stop it. Don't think about him like that! He looked up at me then went back to my CDs. I had enough of the silence, "Still don't talk much do you?" He looked up at me again yet this time he smirked and narrowed his eyes slightly. He glanced up and down my body. I usually hate when people do that because I just feel them looking at flaws but with him it's different. After that we talked for hours just about life and each other. We worked on the actual project for maybe 10 minutes. When he left I let out a sigh. God ullieswhat is this boy doing to me. And to think he's coming over every day of this week!

Wednesday

September 3rd, 2014

I'm now 114 pounds!!! Since I started this again a few dats ago I've lost about 14 pounds. I can't wait till I'm actually skinny. Daniel came over yesterday. Not surprising we ended up doing about the same thing as yesterday except we got more work done. For a "bad boy" he's actually really smart and a very talented artist. We talked about a little more personal stuff though. He told me about how after his father passed away on 9/11 he self-harmed for a bit but then just got quiet and rumors spread now here he is the school bad boy. I told him about my 'experiences' since school started. He seemed pretty shocked at all the things they said for people who haven't even spoke to me. I wasn't ready to tell him about my past with anorexia or that it's come back. Before he hugged me and told me I was beautiful and the school was stupid. Don't worry about them. The bullies have laid off tremendously today. Now it's only whispers in the hallways as I'm walking or the occasional boy calling me some name. My guess is Daniel defiantly had something to do with it. I guess you could say were actually becoming friends. I'm pretty sure I have feeling for him but I doubt he would like me like I do him. Eh, a girl can dream right?