Boulevard Dreamer (Ryden)

-seventy and a half-

I don't know why I called Brendon 'honey.'

I do know that it felt right. It felt like he needed to hear something like that, something comforting. Something to make the tsunamis he feels are coming to crash on him feel a little lighter. I can't make them go away, but maybe I can lessen them. Make them feel like a rainy day. Not quite a flash flood.

"Dallon," I peek over Brendon's shoulder over at Dallon and flash the fakest smile I can muster while he gathers every bit of strength and general pleasantness in his body, trying not to roll his eyes at me. Seems my presence has already ruffled some feathers, "Always a pleasure to see you."

It's not. He can't say it back. Well, he can, he's just not as convincing.

"Nice to see you, too," Okay, that sounded halfway decent, I suppose. Genuine enough. Slightly mumbled, but not in an outright malicious way. Oh, how he wishes he could call me out on something. Anything. But he knows nothing. Truly. To his knowledge, I've done nothing wrong. I'm just 'shady.' So's a palm tree, but you don't see me holding a grudge against them, "Wanna step inside?"

"Don't you worry your pretty little head about that, of course I will."

This is going to be fun.

Brendon chuckles lightly and nervously and motions slightly for me to lean down toward him. I've only got a couple inches on him, I'm sure we can hear each other from where I am, but if he insists.. "Are you drunk?"

Glad to know he thinks for highly of me.

It's a valid question, I'll admit that.

It takes everything in me to not chuckle. At least not very loudly, "My dear, I would never show up to such a historic event with my head anywhere but here. I promise the only thing I've had to drink today is water," I peek over at Dallon, who seems to be growing more suspicious with each passing second, "Are you ready?"

Brendon nods with a hesitant confidence. Slowly at first, but it gradually picks up in speed and I catch him refusing to smile. He can't. I suppose he doesn't think it'd be fair to Dallon to be happy.

I want Brendon to live for himself.

I saddens me that he thinks living for another person is all there is to life.

Loving someone and living for them are two different things. Both are volatile and leave you vulnerable, but living for someone is simply dangerous. You should never trust someone completely. People can be.. good. I've learned this. I've always known that because I only attract good people. Brendon will always be good, no matter what he does. Dallon, he who can hate me all he wants, is still a good person and they live to make each other happy. One can't live without the other and that just.. That sounds so terrifying. I know Brendon cares about Dallon. Dallon obviously cares about Brendon or he wouldn't even mind that I exist in his life. Their trust in each other is.. fractured, I suppose. Brendon's trust is blind. He trusts Dallon with his life. His heart. Everything. He knows Dallon would never hurt him, at least not on purpose. Dallon's trust is hesitant. If his trust was blind like Brendon's, why would I matter so much to him? Why would he be upset with me for no real reason that he's aware of? Is he correct in being suspicious of me? Of course, but he doesn't know that because I have given him no signs that anything between Brendon and I is amiss.

Yet, he loves him. He makes sure Brendon knows and I know.

Love is strange.

And complicated.

Unnecessarily complicated.

Then again, I guess they're not in love after all. Are they?

That's not love.