I had this story I wanted to tell about the thing that happened just before the lockdown but I've decided I want to keep that to myself. This section however doesn't really make sense without it so I'm just going to be really vague.
---The fall---
I think all of us go through a period in our lives where we're told or find out for ourselves that our original dreams are "unrealistic". I'd say about the same time perhaps you decide that the world is undeserving of your dreams after betraying your trust by being more cruel than what you were told and what you were promised.
"Try your best and you can be anything you want"
"Goodness will be rewarded in kind"
You've probably heard it. Then you're told "Forget it, get a job and live the same life as everyone else and if you don't you'll be left behind."
However sometimes hope comes from the most unusual places and finds a way to overcome the mundane or begin a new era. A second chance. If truth be told I haven't been spending that second chance very well spending the past 5 years doing a lot of nothing but being in a position where I can afford to do a lot of nothing, feeling that I shouldn't even try because better people than me have failed, feeling that I shouldn't try because they don't deserve it, feeling that if I did try to help it would be disrespectful to my "unusual source of hope" and also because there have been better words than mine.
To make matters worse there is someone who is essentially richer, confident, better version of me who says all the things I wish I could say and recently something horrible happened to them when they tried to help some people. I should have been inspired by their sacrifice but instead I felt like this "stuck" version of me is the only timeline where I'd be safe.
---The return---
I guess the real shift happened when I finally wrote out all of the problems that had been going on. (That's in a physical journal and way too personal for me to post here) It helped me come to terms with it. I can still change. I don't have to be locked in this state because of something that happened 5 years ago.
I thought about making this project right after finishing that book but then the boiler saga happened and then almost everyone was sick the week after that. It did feel like a test considering it happened right after and because I had to do a lot more things that I normally wouldn't do by myself it made me realize that I can do this.
I know I'm probably the only person in the world that would even try to make either of Winter's concepts mean something good but to me they represent rebirth and victory and I will do my best to embody that.
I know that I am pretty safe where I am and in a better position than a lot of the mythical community but I want to try and do more and have the adventure that comes with that.
