I knew I had been crying for awhile, but I wasn't sure how long. My entire body ached, not from physical pain of course. No, this was the after effects of crushing your own heart.
I did this. Me. I...I gave myself to Aaron, I'm also the one who left him. Left him on the sidewalk selfishly and drove away like the total bitch I am.
I should've never stayed with him last night, should've never had sex with him. It's all my own fault. I deserve whatever pain comes my way.
I finally pulled my face from the wet steering wheel, my hands still gripping it for life though. I kept trying to take deep breaths to calm down but every time I did another wave of gut wrenching sobs would expolde from my mouth.
It took absolutely every bit of self control I had in me to not start the car and race back to Aaron and beg him to just forget everything that just happened and take me back into his arms.
God, how I craved to be with him, safe and happy. His arms wrapped tightly around my waist while my face buried itself in his neck. No. That can't happen anymore, because I...I ended it.
Ended my relationship with Aaron. My friendship. Ended everything with the boy who means so much to me...
My head started to slip back down to the steering wheel but I angrily sat up and stared at the windshield, not really seeing it. This had to stop, no more tears, it was what I wanted right?
I chose Scott. Scott was supposed to be the one I needed. Then why the hell did this feel so horrible? Why did it feel like nothing mattered anymore without Aaron?
I shook my head quickly as an attempt to clear it. Doing so I glanced in the rearview mirror and leaned forward to get a better look. I gently brushed the hair at the nape of my neck and spotted it.
A little reddish bruise. A hickey. From Aaron's lips. Any chance of stopping the tears was hopeless now.
Another long period of time seemed to pass before I got a grip. The real world started to sink in just a bit. I had to call my mom or somebody.
I reached into the glove department for some napkins and hasitily wiped the sticky mess that was my face. I decided to call Benji, I could always count on him to understand. I gave a loud sniffle right before he answered, hoping it would clear my voice.
No such luck. "Hello?" "Hey Ben." I said and cringed at how raspy I sounded. "Chloe? Hey where are you?" "Um, I'm nowhere important, sorry I didn't call last night or anything, is mom mad?"
"No, I told her you were staying with Alyssa, she didn't mind. What happened, you sound weird." I gulped and sighed. "I'll...Tell you later when I come home, but I need to be alone for awhile okay?"
"Okay. Do, do you want me to tell mom you'll be home later on then?" He asked. "Y-Yeah, thanks, a lot." He was silent for a long moment.
"Chloe, I, I don't know what's going on with you but just know that it will be better, and I love you, alright?" He said sternly. I felt another wave of tears coming at how supportive Benji was being, how sweet.
"Alright, thank you, I love you too Benji. See you later." "Bye Chloe." I hung up and unfortunately started crying all over again.
It only lasted for a couple minutes this time. I decided that the rest of the tears I had (Which were a considerable amount) could wait for now.
I wouldn't think about the terrible ache in my chest at leaving Aaron. I wouldn't think of Benji worrying about me. And I sure as hell would not let myself think about what Aaron must be feeling. Not unless I wanted to dissolve into a puddle and not resurface for who knows how long.
