So I'm having a little problem. Not quite a full blown disaster, but not something small enough for me to forget about. A dilemma I suppose.
A teenage girl with divorced parents, an actual job, and is dating two guys at the same time has a dilemma? I know, go figure.
I feel stupid even worrying about this, but it keeps creeping up into my mind. I'm starting to get insecure, and I seriously hate being insecure. The fact that my problem has to do with a boy just makes this pathetic.
Not just some boy though, a blonde one. Aaron. I know that when I finally told Aaron I loved him I said I would wait for him to possibly say it back. And don't get me wrong, I've been waiting and I haven't pushed the subject since.
But...Lately whenever we're together I always find myself hoping in vain that he'll just mutter it out so it's done with. To be fair, I haven't said since that one time either, but I shouldn't have to. It is his turn.
It hit me one night after an incredible date with him and we were saying good night, I thought he was going to say it. He was giving me that Aaron look (there is probably a word for that look he gives me that makes my heart flutter but I honestly couldn't describe it right to know, so I just associate it with him)
And I thought it was the moment...But no. He told me he had a great time, we kissed and that was it. Sigh. Still a fantastic kiss though, at least that was something.
I never meant to obsess over this, but Scott says it all the time. He's like an 'I love you' slut, and Aaron is, for lack of a better term, a nun. Ha.
It's a very frustrating situation. Now it's all I can think about. Why isn't he saying it back? Does he think I forgot? Would he be glad if I actually did forget? Does he not...Feel the same towards me?
God, that last one stings more than I'd be willing to admit. A week passed after the trip to the ER for stitches. I couldn't sleep for the first two nights after, constantly worrying about Aaron, wondering if he was taking his medicine and not trying to tough it out.
Ten days and he could go back to have the stitches removed, which was a relief. The only relief I could count on.
School was going to be ending soon. Too soon. I really did want to make my choice before summer vacation. This was dragging on longer than I thought it would. Alyssa is always reminding me to 'get my head in the game' and to 'stop acting like this isn't a big deal.
She's right of course. I'm in high school, but it dosen't mean this kind of stuff dosen't matter. Breaking someone's heart, and my own in the process matters.
Back to my dilemma. Tonight is an Aaron date night. I had picked him up this time, (I really didn't like him driving with heavily bandaged hands even though he says it's fine).
I'm usually too distracted by Aaron's hair or, well, just his face to ever notice his clothes, but lately the outfits he's been wearing have been really nice. Still mostly black and gray, but more I don't know, fancy. Not top hats and suits obviously, but generally nicer than plain school clothes.
The fact that he's actually dressing up for me and our dates is just... Anyways.
Tonight, mom had taken Benji out to buy him some new soccer shoes and dinner afterwards so I could have the house to myself (Thanks mom), I decicded to return the pancake favor and make dinner for Aaron this time.
We were almost to my house when I was taking in Aaron's appearance. A dark red long sleeved shirt that had two buttons on top, undone to show off just a bit of his flawless skin, I don't remember seeing him get a single zit. Ever.
