Sunday morning I woke up well rested with a sense of ambition. After the little talk with mom and Benji, I knew what had to be done.
I love Aaron. So very much. But I've also loved Scott nearly as much. He was the first boy I gave my heart to. The first boy to actually give me a second glance. And that means the world to me.
It always has. But ever since Aaron casually wandered into my life I...I found out the hard way that it is in fact possible (And painful), to love two people equally at the same time. I did, honestly, love them both equally for awhile.
Somewhere along the road though Aaron seemed to have completely surpassed Scott without me really noticing it. Not until that horrible moment when I left him.
God. Just thinking about how stupid I had been, leaving Aaron. Easily the biggest mistake of my life. Although...I know that if I went through with an actual marriage to Scott that would be my biggest mistake and regret.
Sigh. I've made such a huge mess of things. Now I seriously need to start picking up the pieces.
The first thing on my stupid to-do list: Break up permanently with Scott. Easier said then done obviously.
This whole situation has dragged on for too long. I'm impatient for something to finally go right. In a way, it's been over between Scott and I for quite some time.
I guess I've been too scared to acknowledge it. Who wants to admit that their first real relationship is finished?
It is. And I need to move. That's the only way I'll even still stand any chance of getting Aaron back...
I took my time getting dressed and having breakfast. I needed to work up enough nerve for a break up and plan out what I was going to say anyways.
I've never broken up with anyone before. Aaron...But I don't suppose that counts. That was more of me going out on a limb and making a rash, mornonic descision, very poorly thought out.
Scott deserved a proper goodbye after spending a year with me. Aaron had deserved one too, but like I said, I'm a moron.
Once I was ready mom agreed to drive me to Scott's house since my car was still there. The closer we got his place the more my stomach squirmed.
She stopped by the sidewalk and gave me a quick hug. "You can do this sweety, if it's what you really want, I know you can do this." she said. "Thanks mom, I'll...I'll be home later." I muttered and got out.
I waited until she drove off before going to the door and knocking. He silently opened the door and stood aside for me to enter.
This time I went to the dining room and sat at one end of the table. Scott sat across and folded his arms. "Um, hi." I said, basically just to have something to say.
"Hey." He muttered. Oh where the hell do I begin today- "You're breaking up with me aren't you?" he guessed. I was startled.
Looking at his face he didn't seem that upset, more like he was in grim acceptance. Honesty was the best policy so...
"Yes...Sorry." He nodded, letting my words sink in. "We're really done then, huh." He mumbled to himself. My gut twisted. This was all just sad and depressing.
"I love you Scott." "Yeah I know, but you love Aaron more right?" I sighed.
"I've...I know that I've hurt you, too much. Especially when you've never deserved it. You have been the most important person to me for a long, long time, and I'm really sorry for everything and that it has to end like this." I said, carefully keeping my tone as light as possible.
"The same goes for you Chloe, if I've hurt you at all-" "No Scott, I'm the one who's screwed up so many times, I don't think I'll be able to apologize enough."
We were both quiet after that. I stared down at the table wishing this wasn't so painful. I glanced back up when I heard Scott chuckle softly.
"You know, I really thought we were going to like, last." I bit my lip. "But we are young, and I am sorry about the whole courthouse fiasco yesterday, I think that was my way of trying to save us..."
Our eyes met and he smiled just a little. "But I guess when we first took a break before Christmas, I don't know, a small part of my mind just knew things weren't the same anymore, that we were..." "Over?" I supplied.
His smile turned sad. "Yeah, over." Another stretch of silence fell. "It, this, kind of feels like fate." he mused. I nodded in agreement.
He leaned over to gently take my hand. "I want you to be happy Chloe, and if achieving happiness means being with blondie, then...That's okay, I'm okay with it." "Oh Scott, I want you to be happy too." I said.
"Yeah I suppose I will be...In time." I couldn't believe how considerate and sweet he was being. I hoped one day Scott would find a girl that would never hurt him, and love him with all her heart.
"You will always be in my heart Scott, I mean it. You were my first love, you've made me into a better person, I hope you know that." I mumbled as he pulled me in for a hug.
"I love you Chloe." He whispered. "I know honey, I love you too." He pulled back and pressed a kiss to my forehead.
"If...If you ever need anything at all, or you ever just want to talk, I'm here for you." He said. "Same to you Scott, whatever you need." We stood and he walked me to the door.
"I hope everything works out, you know, with Aaron." he said. I smiled. "Thank you, goodbye." "Bye Chloe."
Driving back home I decided to take a longer route. It was weird, the way I felt then. Sure there was sadness, my first love was done. That would always be heartbreaking.
But I felt more...At peace. I had finally done something right. I knew Scott would get better in time, he was a fighter. For the first time in my life I wasn't in some kind of relationship.
Sure I should take more time to revel in it, but my whole entire body, well, being ached for Aaron. I missed him, and I wanted him. And now I could freely have him as my own. I wanted to go to him and make everything right again, explain to him how stupid I had been.
But...Not today. No, today I would enjoy the peacful feeling the short time it lasted. There was plenty of time to win back the boy I loved tomorrow.
