Why Wattpad Drives Me Crazy | ✔️

64| Food Skin and Buzzfeed

That awkward moment when the only interesting thing about my last rant was the part where I said I was going to boarding school.

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I'm pretty sure you guys are familiar with Buzzfeed, yea? That internet thingi (so helpful).

I stumbled across this one post and I was on that high where you could relate to every fucking thing it said

you know that high? Like the one you get where it's like the person read your thoughts and you just keep saying shit like

O MA FUCKING WORD THIS IS SO TRUE

WHY AREN'T WE MARRIED YET OMG YOU SO GET ME

YOU UNDERSTAND MY STRUGGLE OMG

So yea, that was me yesterday.

You see, this article was called, If White Characters Were Described Like People of Colour In Literature. You can check it out if you'd like.

(But lol you can read the rant first so I don't seem thaaaat unoriginal, hehe).

So yes, I know we're back on that shaky topic of race once more. But you see, this isn't me saying that we need diversity or shit like that. It's just me stating an observation...and it's not even something that makes me angry per say, it's just...funny. I don't know why.

But what is this, you ask. Why the hell is genie_us witholding such information from us at such a crucial point?

I'm just building up tension or whatever it's called.

#ThatLiteraryDeviceWeAllLearnInEnglishLessons

Suspense

Tension

Suspense

*Bob the Builder be building this shit up*

*DRUM ROLL*

*Can we get Mr. Bean to do the drum roll for us, please?*

*Opens envelope, and the winner is...AND CUE COMMERICAL BREAK*

(lol this is how I waste words to reach my mimimum number of words hahaha)

Okay, so here goes:

HAVE YOU NOTICED WHERE IN ALMOST EVERY BOOK WHEN THEY ARE DESCRIBING A NON-WHITE CHARACTER, THEIR SKIN COLOUR IS DESCRIBED LIKE IT'S FUCKING FOOD

Like omg

I used to brush it off (a bit too lightly, might I add), until that Buzzfeed thing and I was like ERR MA GAADDD THIS IS WATTPAD FOR YOU, BABY!

You see, everyone will automatically assume that the characters are white, thus there never being a need to describe these white folks' skin colour

But when there's a brown or black etc person in the story, this is what you will find more often than not:

His skin was like caramel, in colour and in smoothness.

Her exotic skin was beautiful, the colour of dark chocolate.

Okay let's just pause on this one, for a second yea

like why are people still fascinated by black skin

why is it "exotic" omg

and lol omg I've noticed lots of people make it seem like every African's skin is smooth and flawless (GEEZ, THANKS LUPITA) and I'm just there like lawl you don't know shit brother, acne is alive and real here

#VaselineIsMyLife

#Idigress

Anyway, back on track.

Her mocha skin glowed in the sun.

Ahh cool, we know she's not white, but that leaves every other fucking race liable (she could be from Africa, the Middle East, South America, mixed, fuck this shit k)

but seriously the coffee coloured/dark chocolate one gets me all grrrr

I'm just like WHY BRUH, WHY. Like yea, we get that you're being descriptive and whatever, but if you're going to take up the task of describing skin colour, DO THAT FOR EVERY OTHER CHARACTER THEN

EXPLAIN WHAT YOUR WHITE CHARACTER'S SKIN IS IN RELATION TO FOOD

COME ON, I'M WAITING.

I MEAN, LET'S THINK OF A FUCKING STARBUCKS DRINK FOR THAT, HUH?

Okay look, I'm not being racist at all (partly because I'm not racist and also being racist is when you insult other races and so on and so forth) but this is just something that needs to be addressed

I hope I'm not making anyone uncomfortable here.

But like seriously. I can't know if I'm speak for other races too, but I don't find it sensual or attractive when someone is fucking kissing "dark chocolate skin" or "mocha skin" because that's just weird kay, coloured people are not food kay, like seriously it may sound beautiful when you write it but no

no

no

no

pls no, like why can't you just tell it like it is if you really feel like their skin colour needs to be fucking forced down the readers throat

dark chocolate omfg srsly

I like the way John Green puts it out in his books: "He was African American." Straight to the point, guys, NO ONE will get offended by that.

(I'm referring to Paper Towns and An Abundance of Katherines here).

(Those are both my favourite books by him, btw. TFIOS fans don't kill me please).

Anyway, becuase I'm so unoriginal and shit, I've selected some of the finest ones from that Buzzfeed post (this belongs to the aforementioned [hehe, I love it when I get to use that word] website, I don't own it/ I didn't write the article or anything so don't kill me):

(Retitled): How Wattpad books (lol fan fics are so guilty of this) would be if white people were described like the way they do people of colour

1. He took off his shirt, his skin glistening in the sun like a glazed doughnut. The glaze part, not the doughnut part.

2. He looked at her longingly, as he imagined her exotic, mashed potato skin laying gently against his.

3. He traceed his fingers along her supple, cauliflower skin.

And, I'll end with the best one yet:

4. For the first time in his life, he found himself imaging a future together with someone. He was embarrassed to tell her this, but he had never really been in love with the women he had dated.

"Well, who would play me in this rom-com (romantic comedy) of your life?" she teasingly inquired.

"You have such beautiful olive skin," he crooned, "so you can be a person of colour or racially ambiguos in the book but definitely a white woman in the movie."

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I seriously couldn't have said that better myself.

*exits while feeling BO$$.*

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