82 | spider-man

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Sooo, I'm finally watching the original Spider-Man trilogy with Tobey Maguire, and I'm just gonna detail some of my thoughts as I watch them because I figure it might be interesting to see what I think of it. 

x Damn, Tobey is supposed to be playing a high school Peter Parker? He looks really freaking old to be a high schooler. College, I can see, but high school? 

x Let's shoehorn the fact that Peter is orphaned and live with his aunt and uncle as soon as possible, why don't we? Did we really need that within the first ten minutes of the movie? 

Norman: Oh your parents must be proud of you! 
Peter: Actually, I live with my aunt and uncle. 

x Why does basically every actor just seem bored by their role? Like the only people who seem excited are Tobey and the guy who plays Harry. Everyone else just seems really bored. 

x Dick move Harry, using the facts that Peter gave you to get MJ. Fucking dick move. Good job being a best friend. 

x Umm why the fuck did the spider survive? The spider always dies.

x oh more people who sound unenthused to be in this movie

x Why does the guy who plays Uncle Ben look/sound so familiar?

x Yeah, no I really hate the guy who plays Norman Osborn. He's the worst offender of sounding bored by his role, like he barely shows emotion with his voice. It doesn't matter how good you are at expressions, but if you can't fucking make your voice match the expression you're making with your face, it's just weird. 

Like, he comes out of the chamber thing and his face looks really pissed, but when he speaks, it's just so fucking monotone. Like. What the fuck?

x I got bitten by a radioactive spider and have overnight abs and perfect vision! (to be fair, Amazing Spider-Man did the same thing). 

x Let's be a creep and watch the girl I like change clothes through her window that I can conveniently see from my bedroom!

x You know, the fact that Peter can run as fast as the bus should really just clue him in the fact that maybe he should join track. Just saying.

x I have always hated the idea of biological web shooters. It's one thing that's put me off these movies for the longest time since falling in love with Spider-Man. In the comics, he's always made them. Always. I just hate biological web shooters. 

x Ugh, I kind of hate this version of Flash tbh. He's just a stereotypical kind of jock.

x No seriously though, does it bug no one else that literally everyone in this movie looks far too old to be in high school? 

x This is a small nitpick but the CGI in this movie really doesn't hold up to this day. It all looks fake as fuck lmao.

x I'm so bored right now

x Honestly I was so bored during this movie that I stopped watching it and started watching Homecoming instead. Sorry. But apparently I don't like the original Spider-Man movie. Everything about it was just so freaking boring that it wasn't funny. Sorry.


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