The Game ✔

Chapter thirty seven

The next day at school was weird. Everyone was talking about it, waving at me. I was the true queen but why didn't I feel some sort of joy? I heard Ayden dropped my bag at my house and of course, it was my mother who answered. To my demand, no one came to see me, I couldn't deal with talking to people.

This morning just reminded me of what I'd lost during the past few months. I walked into the hallway where there was my sister's picture, a 'remember' written on a paper right underneath. 

''Hey,'' Lizzy says behind me.

''Hey.'' I quietly answer.

''So it's over.'' 

''Everything's over,'' I tell her and she passes her arm around my shoulders. I cried so much the night before that I didn't have any more tears left.

So weeks went by. Cameron came back to school but sat elsewhere in the classroom and ignored me as I ignored him as well. I had lunch only with Lizzy which was enough for me, I just needed her. Sometimes though, Jake came by and I didn't mind it because he was fun to be around. Ayden never joined us and he never tried to talk to me since that day.

My mother got me to see a therapist twice every week. I won't lie, I hated him at first to try and get in my private life but as the meetings went on, I started to let him in, told him everything about my life. No more secrets. I cried many times, I yelled as well although I feel a bit guilty about it.

Nightmares were very frequent when I started to talk about my sister and how I found her but now it's slowly turning into dreams and complete nights. My mother even slept with me a few times since I'm still afraid of the dark.

I take a deep breath, staring at the door in front of me.

''Do you want me to join you?'' My mother asks next to me.

I shake my head, ''No, I got to do this alone.'' 

''Let me know if you need anything.'' She says and leaves me.

With a shaky hand, I push on the handle and my sister's bedroom door opens.

Nothing had changed. Her bed is made with Mr. Huffle on it. I smile lightly and go get the teddy bear, squeezing it against my chest. Magazines are laying on her desk, make-up half-used still there as well, and pictures of her and her friends graze the walls. I laugh a little as I see one of us both. It was a rainy day and dad had made us get out of the house because we were fighting. He let us stand outside, under the rain until we stopped fighting.

I wipe away a tear as memories surface when I look around her room. How many hours had I passed on that bed, telling her about Ayden and her telling me about boys at our school? I spent hours as well in front of that mirror as she tried new makeup technics on my face. In the end, mom would always laugh because she had no talent for makeup.

As I start searching in her wardrobe, I find her private journal and a paper comes out. I cautiously take it and unfold it.

My sister's handwriting greets me and a sob comes out of my mouth as I see my name scribbled at the top. I sit down on the bed, my legs too weak to support me.

'Hey, Lexa.

I bet you've now understood how the world is not a beautiful place. How wicked things can be done, how cruel people can be. I've had my fair share to be honest and these days I wonder if my life is worth living. Things happened. I'm being called slut at school because I slept with Owen. I'm being pushed in the hallways by girls that hate me for no reason. Tonight, Owen brought his friends along with him, they stripped me naked and forced me to do things. 

I know life isn't just bad, there are good things in this life. You should fight for it, but I didn't have the courage, you know? Maybe you'll think I was weak because I didn't get the strength to get back up, to face people at my school. Maybe I should try but I feel so worthless, so stupid, so tainted. I'm disgusted with myself after what they did and it feels like I can never get back my life on track. I can't get the feeling they left off me.

Maybe it is the easy way.

My little sister, I hope you fight in your life when I didn't have the courage to when I gave up. Life is so beautiful when you find those rare moments, you have to live them to the fullest. Think about mom and dad, Ayden, Jake, and Lizzy. I didn't have friends like yours.

I don't want you to think you weren't enough to live for because you are worth everything. I'm not. Well, I don't feel like I am.

My baby sister, travel and discover the world, eat dishes you never thought you would try, and scream at the top of your lungs for things that you believe in. While this time I'll be up there, watching over you.

I love you, Alexa.

Tell mom and dad I love them as well.'

Tears spill on the paper and I fold it back. Why didn't I know she was bullied? Why didn't I know everything she was going through? I get up and walk out of her room before turning to that second door I've been worried about.

I open it and let myself in. My father is laying there and when he sees me, a smile etches on his face.

''Oh Stacy, how long have I not seen you.'' He says and I walk up to him.

''Hey dad, it's Alexa,'' I whisper.

''Baby girl, how long has it been?'' He searches the room with his eyes.

''Long enough. I wanted you to know that I'm here when you're ready. I can spend time with you until you come back. I might not be Stacy, but I love you as much as she did.'' I whisper the last part.

''I love you too my girls.''