Love you more

Tears

Faye:

We currently are at the dress rehearsal, already being in our costumes for the show. Giovanni and me will be dancing a Foxtrot this week so it's back to ballroom. Fair to say, I'm glad about that after messing up the Rumba last week.

Yes I actually like latin dances more but maybe a ballroom dance will help us to improve our skills. I mean, our best dance so far was in fact a ballroom dance - the Quickstep, to be exact. Hopefully we'll receive a similar score to that one we've got for our Quickstep. I just need to prove my talent more, for Giovanni and for me - and for the public. I've got no idea if they actually like us.

And there's something else that bothers me a bit: our song this week basically is like a love song. Or actually, it is a love song. It's not my sort of style but the public probably expects our dance to be amazing after we were top of the leaderboard in the movie special. However I'm too shy to really play my role as someone in love - that's what we decided to portray in this dance. But of course we still want our performance to be beautiful. Giovanni even tried to create a nice atmosphere with the staging but I'm still not quite confident if we could impress the judges.

So when the music starts to play and we walk across the stage, I simply try to concentrate on what he told me in rehearsals before. Giovanni starts to dance his part, looking at me. But I just stand on my place, asking myself what to do. I forgot the routine, I simply forgot what he told me for this dance. I can see the disappointment in his eyes and I can see the other couples looking confused, whispering to each other. Well done, you're such a disappointment, I scold myself.

Tears start to form in my eyes as I realize that I disappointed Giovanni again. Crap. Not only have I disappointed everyone with our previous dance which didn't went as we wanted, no, now I'm being as stupid as I simply am again.

Before Giovanni could say anything, and knowing I'm literally about to have a panic attack again, I run off the stage and back to my dressing room. I close the door and burst into tears, sobbing uncontrollably.

What a failure I am! I really thought I could be as talented as someone like Ashley or Charles, when I can't even dance correctly. Giovanni would probably prefer to dance with Ashley and even if I like her, as she's really a nice person, I'm jealous of her talent in dancing. But I should accept it, accepting that people are saying the truth when calling me talentless and all those things. Travis said that too and even if he isn't the most nice person, he was probably saying the truth when we still were a couple. 

Maybe Giovanni would understand about my confidence when knowing how Travis was - but actually, why should he mind? He's my dance partner, yes, but he isn't interested in me at all, probably. I'm not exactly that beautiful or talented.

These thoughts are interrupted now when someone's knocking at the door of the dressing room and Giovanni walks in. Although, honestly, I don't want to talk to him now. 

"Faye." he whispers worried. "Hey, shush, it's okay. I'm here, you're okay." he immediately starts with his soothing phrases. Weirdly, I'm immediately calming down as well. Wow, he actually managed to calm me down quite fast. "There's your gorgeous smile, beauty." he says. Has he just called me beauty?

"What do you want?" I sob instead of minding about his nickname for me.

"Talking to you." he says. "Isn't that obvious?"

"You probably want to tell me that you're disappointed. That's okay, I deserve that. You're a fantastic teacher and I'm dancing like I walk on a rope."

"No." he answers confused. "My actual intention was to ask you why you're crying."

"Because I disappoint you!" I explain. Maybe I'm not quite nice to him now, but I'm just annoyed by the way he talks to me. I already know that I'm a disappointment, not only in dancing but also in general, as a person. Nevertheless, I don't want to tell him.