Why Dont You Love Me?

Chapter 18

I kept running until I couldn't run anymore. I finally collapsed on a bridge, and just cried.

I knew I shouldn't have trusted him. 

I know I shouldn't have.

I mean, why on EARTH would he like me? I'm just Megan! No one important.

Megan.

Dumb.

Ugly.

Good for nothing Megan.

Sighing, I reached into my purse and pulled out my notebook. I got up slowly, stepping onto the railing of the bridge I looked down at the water. I couldn't help but to wonder if it'd hurt, or if I'd feel no pain at all. If it was going to bloody, or clean. Would it be short and swift? Or long and painful?

I tried to decided what it was going to be. But honestly? I didn't know. I wanted to know, but I'm such a coward. I stepped off of the railing.

"Megan!" I heard someone scream. I turned around to see Ryan running up to me. I pursed my lips into a tight seam before crossing my arms. Flicking a piece of bang out of my face, I looked at him.

"What?" I said quietly.

"Let me explain," He gasped

"Explain what? That you kissed another girl?"

"No, Megan! I didn't kiss her!" He almost begged for me to believe him. I swallowed again before shaking my head.

"No." I said.

"Megan! Please, I would never do this to you!"

"Wouldn't you?" I said quietly. "Everyone else has."

"I'm not like everyone else!"

"Aren't you though?!" My voice started to yell right before it hitched in my throat. The pain on his face was evident. I swallowed again before shaking my head.

"Everyone was right."

"What?" He asked quietly.

"You're just like any other celebrity. You get the girl, stupid girl falls in love and you cheat on the girl, tearing her heart into five million different pieces."

"Megan, that's not true! Give me a chance!"

"I did,"

"Megan," He said.

"No. She was right. I ruined your image,"

"No you didn't! We.. We can do this! Katherine is just a crazy person who's out to destroy my life. Please, Megan!" He begged.

After a long hesitation, I finally found my voice.

"Ryan?" I whispered quietly, shaking my head. "We cant."

"We can baby girl," He replied while giving me a tender kiss on the forehead.

"No, we cant.." I whimpered quietly. I didnt want to do this, I had just gotten him, and now I have to lose him. And for what? The sake of his image? I sighed quietly and pushed away from him.

He gave me a confused look and swallowed. "Megan.." He said.

"No, Ryan. We cant. You're famous. You have a band, friends, a family and fans who love you! I'm just a girl. Another one of your fans. I've been in love with you since Lovesick Electric, but you just only found out my existence. I've gone basically knowing everything about you my whole life.. While you didnt even know my name. It's bad for your image to date someone like me anways. I'd rather just be your friend because honestly, it just isnt working." I swallowed back tears at the last statement knowing its a complete and utter lie. He looked confused and almost distraught.

"My image?" He said. "I dont care about my image, Megan! I love you."

I just shook my head in shame and looked down. I kicked some rocks out of the way then turned on my heel and started to walk away.

 He grabbed my arm slight, pulling me back a bit. I sighed before turning to look at him.

"Look," I said. "Whatever we were, it's gone. It's done. I'm so sorry Ryan but I can't deal with this. I'm sorry.."

I looked down a bit before looking down.

"Megan, please.. Don't do this.."

"I'm sorry." I whispered. "Here's your song.." I handed over the notebook to him before swiftly turning around running. I ran to the street, stopping to catch my breath. I frowned slightly, looking back. He didn't chase after me this time. I felt the tears streaming down my face as I walked across the street and over to a motel, where I see to find myself a lot lately. I sighed quietly as I paid for a room and walked over to it.

I walked inside slowly. The room was nicer than most of the ones I had stayed in. It was a big bed made for two, and a roomy atmosphere. I threw my purse down onto the bed and sat down. I pulled my legs up to my chest. Sighing, I rested my chin on top of them.

I didn't know what to do now. I didn't want to go back to Michigan, but I didn't really want to stay here.

All in all, I wanted to just disappear.