Mature (book 2)

Chapter 9 - the One

He isn't answering, I feel stupid for even asking, of course it's not about me, Wtf.. why would he write a song about me? wow I think I'm a little delusional..

"I- I don't know what to say," he says. "I really miss you, and I do want you back. It's not a secret, you already knew that right?" He asks.

"You want me back? No I did not know that." Holy shit, he wants me back? "It is about you, yes" he says.

Tears are filling my eyes, I can't believe he wrote that song about me, "I- I'm sorry" I say.

"Why are you sorry?" He asks. "I had no idea, you still care about me.." I say

"Of course, how could you think that I ever stopped? I never stopped thinking about you." He says.

"Shawn..."

"Please don't hang up, I know you have a boyfriend. I know that. I know you love him, you said it already, but I really miss you. I'm going crazy... I don't know what to do anymore" he says.

He is going crazy...? Holy shit. I can't help it but burst into tears. "Shawn," I say with my voice breaking.

"Oh my god are you crying?" He sounds concerned. "I can't believe you're thinking about me..." I say.

"Of course. Every day."

"Why haven't you moved on? I did everything I could to move on, and believe me, it was hard."

"I didn't want to move on, I still don't. I believe in us" he says.

"You believe in us?" I ask. "How can you believe in us, we are never going to happen.. I'm sorry if this is kind of harsh. But you know that we can't."

He knows that we will never be together, yes the few days we were actually a thing it was amazing... but it can't happen again, I just can't do this to Lucas, I can't hide all the time, what if people will talk about me, like that Barba girl... who tagged me at his Instagram post? I can't do this, I love Shawn, but not In the same way anymore.

"Wait, you gave up on us? I thought..." — "Shawn, you know we can't." I interrupt him,

"Why not?" He asks. "Oh my god, I feel like we had this conversation so many freaking times last year. Like, every single day...
I'm not going to go through this conversation over and over again, we just can't" I say.

"Wait, So when you broke up with me last year, you meant it was over for good? How could give up on me like that?"

"Shawn, I didn't just give up on you like that, and you know it. I loved you, I wanted you, I did everything I could to be with you, I lied to Lucas, to Brittney, to everybody. And I hated that. I thought that I don't care because I had you, but that wasn't enough, I couldn't handle it anymore. I was eating myself alive. So I'm sorry if I had to move on" I say.

"Do you still think about me?" He asks.

Yes. Of course I do, everything that I do, He is there. "Not really" I lie, we have to move on. I can't go back to this again...

"Oh.." he sounds sad. I didn't mean to make him sad, it's just... FUCK!

"Shawn I'm sorry." I say.

"I wish I could see you, in person. I want to hug you, make you laugh, make you smile, and kiss you, and take off you clothes and.." — "Shawn stop it" I stopped him for saying whatever he was going to. "You can't talk to me like that, we are not together, and we are not going to be" I say. "Ever" I add.

"B, I'm going crazy. I miss you so much, I can't even describe it. Since the last day I saw you I went crazy, I thought about you all the time. I can't get you out of my fucking head."

I seriously don't know what to say, what am I supposed to say?

"Don't you think about me at all? I mean, how can you just forget about me?" He asks.

"I didn't just forget about you." I say "Than why don't you miss me too? How can you move on like nothing happened?" He asks.

"There is a thing that is called ex's. You have to move on someday. Right?" I ask. "You can't wait for your ex to come back forever? Right?" I add.

"What if I think that ex is the one?" He asks.

"Wow...... Shawn. You need to relax. We are NOT getting back together. And I'm definitely not the... one." I say. I take a deep breath. I can't believe what just happened.

Holy fucking shit, he called me the one? Is he joking is this a joke? Oh my god, what is happening right now?

"Shawn are you ok?" I ask. "Yeah I'm fine. I just haven't given up on us, you'll see" he says.

"Shawn, seriously, you are amazing. You can get any girl you want in the whole world.." I say.

"What if that girl is you?" Fuck.

"Is everything ok?" Liam walks outside to the balcony. "Yeah" I whisper wiping my tears off my face.

"Who is that?" Shawn asks. "No one, I need to go" I say and I hang up.

Holy shit. What just happened..? I hug Liam so tight I don't even know why.

"I'm right here" he says kissing my head. "For whatever you need"