Mature (book 2)

Chapter 22 - Lucas

"It all started when I was 15 or 16 I don't really remember." He says taking a deep breath putting the cup of coffee back on the table. "Promise me you won't tell anyone about this. Please" he says again. "I promise, you can tell me. Just say it" I beg for him to continue.

"I had a friend" What friend? do I know this friend? "And He was my best friend. I never thought my feelings for him were something more than that. But then, he left. And my feelings grew and it got to the point where whenever he came back to visit me sometimes, all I wanted to do was to be with him. And as I said at first I didn't realize it was something else, I didn't understand that it wasn't just a regular friendship feelings." He takes a deep breath. Now he starts to look a bit ashamed. "One day he took stayed over and he took a shower, and I don't know why I couldn't take my eyes off him, it got to the point that I wanted to kiss him." He says.

"Of course I rejected those thoughts out of my head as fast as I could. But those feelings are still inside me until this day. Now I don't want to kiss him, but I see it on other guys, and girls, and that's just how it is.." he says.

"Who is that friend?" I ask. "Didn't you figure it out?" He asks surprised. "No, Who is it?"

He doesn't want to say his name I can see it in his eyes. He sighs and he says, "Shawn" WHAT THE FUCK?!

"Oh my god" I say. This is so messed up. What the hell?

"Please don't freak out" he says. "I'm not freaking out" I say totally freaked out. How am I supposed to date Shawn now? Lucas fucking told me he has a crush on him. Holy shit.

"I'm way over him now." He says. "Do you like Liam?" I ask. "I mean, in that way?" I say. Oh the cringe.

"No. I did kiss him, but I never felt something more. He is a nice guy. That's all." He says. "I need to go" I say, "I'll be back later" I say and I drive over to Shawn's house.

"Hi" I say towards his mom, "hi Michelle Shawn isn't here I think he went to rehearsal before the show tomorrow." She says.

"Yeah I just forgot something here in his room" I say. "Oh ok" she smiles. I go to his room and I look for Liam's diary. I can't believe I'm actually doing this.

After a few seconds I saw it on the floor next to Shawn's boxers. Hmm...

I took the dairy and put it under my shirt. And I went back home.

I got home and I locked myself in my room. I opened the dairy again, looking for something that could give me more clues about what the fuck is happening.

"August 20

Dear diary,

Yesterday we just got back from Paris, Michelle was supposed to sleep over here last night but she had work or something so she didn't come. I think I'll just take her to lunch later,

Oh boy, that trip was...... I mean Paris was nice and beautiful... but something happened.

We were in the shower together and instead of saying my name she said Shawn. And I have no idea who the fuck is Shawn, I mean. She told me he is an old friend and whatever but it was just weird.

Besides that, the rest of the trip was really fun, I didn't think about Lucas even for a second. Michelle is really amazing. And I feel bad I kissed her brother. And that I started to get attached even tho I'm more into Lucas now.

I met Lucas a year ago in New York when I was on a trip with Brittney. He was 27 at the time he is 28 now. He is so handsome, from the moment I saw him I knew I liked him. We haven't talked in a few months but than he came to Toronto and he visited me. We hooked up. It was the best thing ever. Since than, )it was about 7 months ago) We do it all the time, we are sort dating but not really. Until I met Michelle. I mean, I knew Michelle because she's Brittney's best friend. But I never really got to know her. So we started to talk and to hang out and it was really nice, and I said I should give her a shot. I broke it off with Lucas, and than we actually started dating.

But then I cheated on her. I think like 2 weeks ago was when I kissed her brother, and also I met Lucas again, the hot one from New York. He flew to Toronto again, it didn't change the the fact that Lucas, her brother. Not the hot one from New York was the guy that I wanted. I didn't want Michelle anymore. I wanted her brother.

But he rejected me, that's why I went to Lucas, the hot one. But it didn't help me, I want her brother. But her too. Is that so wrong?"

I closed the dairy. Tears are filling my eyes. What the heck is going on?

I'm so confused. He cheated on me with Lucas, who isn't my brother and Lucas my brother? What the hell is happening to my life?