Mature (book 2)

Chapter 18 - Gay

Is Liam really gay? Like Shawn said before? Oh my god.. he cheated on me,

Well I'm not that mad at him, because I cheated on him too, but it still hurt a bit.

Wait.... who is Lucas? I don't know any Lucas, except for my brother, but obviously that can't be the same one.

Why is he with me than? If he is gay, why is he with me?

"Hey babe" Liam says getting into bed next to me,

"Hey" I say. He gives me a little kiss, and all I can think about is his lips on another guy's lips.

I fake smile as his lips leave mine and I turn the lights off and I just *go to sleep*

Liam doesn't say a word. After a lot of time, I have no idea how much time, Liam fell asleep, I haven't.

I went to the bathroom and I kept reading. Holy shit. What is happening....

I read it over again, maybe it says something else than I imagined.

"August 3rd

Dear diary hello,

I was over today at Lucas's house. I can't believe I saw him again.. i can't believe I kissed him again. What will Michelle say about it if she finds out? I wish I could just break up with her, but if I'll do that I'll never get the chance to get close to Lucas. And I don't know why, but that thought of being away from him, makes me... go crazy.

I fell bad in using Michelle to get close to him, but I actually really like her, more than I intended to. Is it weird that I feel like I'm starting to get feelings for her when I'm in love with her brother?"

I close the diary. What the fuck? Oh my god. I sit on the floor, trying to process what I just read. There is no way that this is true.

I'm trying really hard not to cry right now. Liam is in love with my brother?

"Is everything ok?" Liam asks from behind the door.

"Yes. I'll be out in a sec" I say out of breath trying to think where I can hide the notebook.

I still can't believe that that's how Liam feels. Holy shit.

I get out of the bathroom with tears in my eyes, holding them so tight, and his diary underneath my shirt sort of tucked in my short pants.

"I'm not feeling so well I think I'll go home" I say.

"Wait" he tried to stop me but I just take all my stuff and I walk out.

I called Shawn to pick me up. I didn't have a car here Liam drove me.

20 something minutes later Shawn arrived, he lives closer to Liam's house, so it was a bit faster to come over to his place.

As soon as he gets there I walked straight into his car and I say nothing, I just want to get the hell away from here, I need to think.

Shawn started driving, "I'm sorry it-" Shawn started to say something but I didn't care.

"You were right" I say. "What do you mean?" He asks confused.

"Liam is gay" I say. As I say that tears started falling down my eyes.

"How did you find out?" He asks. "I read his diary" I admit. "You what?" Shawn asks. "I know I'm the worst person in the world. But I just... I don't know. I don't feel bad I read it" I confess.

"Than why do you look so sad?" He asks. "He kissed Lucas" I say.

"He what?" Shawn opens his eyes wide open. He looked at me almost causing an accident.

"Oh my god Shawn look out" I say to him and I turn his face to the road and I close my eyes. Shawn took the wheel and he turned it to the left and holy shit, We almost hit a car. It was the most terrifying thing I have ever been through.

"Are you ok?" Shawn parked the car on the side. "Yes I'm fine" I say. Shawn kisses me and he looks relieved that I'm ok.

His heart beat was really fast, so was mine. He kissed me again, with his tongue deep in my throat. Oh my lord. He never kissed me like that before,

If I'm honest I kind of liked that...

He stops kissing me waiting for my reaction and I am speechless. "Where do you want to go?" He asks.

"Can we go to your place?" I ask. "You want to come over and stay the night?" He asks.

"Yes" I say. "Is that so wrong?" I ask. "No I just thought you said you didn't go sleep with me until you broke up with Liam" he says.

I laugh " I never said we are going to sleep together, and even if we would... it won't that bad. Liam isn't even attracted to me, so it's fine" I smirk.

"Ok than" he says and we continue drive over to his place.

We got there and we walked in very quietly, no one can know I'm here.

We walked in his room and we started to make out. I don't know why but I got really excited, I felt like this is our first time all over again.

His tongue was deep in my throat like before, in the car, and I really liked it. He sat on the bed pushing me on top of him making me sit on his lap.

I fell the butterflies flying around, seriously.. the last time I was with Shawn, was a year ago. So this is all very exciting.

As we kiss he slowly starts taking my shirt off revealing my bare chest.

"What is this?" He asks looking at my pants, I didn't understand what he was talking about until I looked down and I saw the diary tucked in my pants. Fucking shit, I forgot about that.