Mature (book 2)

Chapter 19 - Shawn and I

*Warning: this chapter has sexual contact*

"Is that his diary?" Shawn asks. I felt too embarrassed to answer so I didn't, I was just looking at him silently.

"You took it?" He asks. "I don't know I panicked, I put it under my shirt and I totally forgot I put it there." I say.

"Holy shit" Shawn looks at me, I'm gazing in his eyes totally wanting to kiss him again, I'm still with my shirt of so it's a bit uncomfortable.

He takes the diary out of my pants and he opens it.

"Shawn Stop" I say as I put my shirt back on.

" August 8th, my birthday" Shawn says looking through the pages.

"Dear diary Hello," Shawn starts to read. "Knock it off. It's. It funny, I feel bad enough I read it I don't want you to read it too. Come on stop it." I say trying to take it away from him, but he moves aside starting to read.

"It's almost 12 am, the day is almost over. I told Michelle today about the trip to Paris, and also about the fact I bought her Shawn Mendes tickets." Shawn gave me a look as he said that..  "She looked really excited about Paris but the concert made her sad, or something weird I don't know. It was weir seeing her like that, I thought she would be more excited about the concert. But she wasn't, I wanted to make her happy after what I did to her, I feel so bad." Shawn read.

"Holy shit" he adds. "Stop it Shawn" I say again and this time I manage to take the diary from him.

"I don't get it" He says. "What don't you get?" I ask. "Why are you still with him?" He asks.

"I don't know" I say. "Just break up with him, you are both in this relationship for no reason. You are playing each other. He won't get hurt." Shawn looks me in the eyes pulling me back to sit on him and he kisses me while playing with my hair.

As he kisses me I can feel again the butterflies, I feel really good around him, and I never felt like this next to Liam, I'm happy I'm with Shawn.

I don't know what I'm going to do with Liam now, or with Lucas. I'm not sure what I want to do. Can't I just be with Shawn and that's it? I mean, why can't we just be together?

Now when I'm thinking about it, as we are kissing, he will be going back on tour in the next few days. That makes me sad.

"Maybe we should wait" I thought to myself. Shawn stops kissing me. I look at him, he looks at me. "What?" He asks. "Huh?" — "You want to wait?" He looks weird.

Fuck. I said that out loud? "Well, Yea" I say.

"But, why?" He asks. "Look you are going back on tour in like 2 days, and I need more time to figure out what I'm going to do with Liam, but this time I promise you, you and I will be together. We've Ben through so much and I just want us to be together already, so I think once you are done with tour and I'll finally break up with Liam, figure what some stuff we will be together. I promise" I say as he is gazing into my eyes.

"So what is happening in the meantime?" He asks. "Can we still kiss and...." he says slowly taking my shirt off.

He looks at me and I kiss him, I want him, I know I do. Why am I making this so complicated? "For now" I smile, he takes his shirt off and he stands up flipping me over so he is on the top now, we are just kissing, making out while he slowly moves to my neck, making me moan.

I haven't had sex in a while, especially not with Shawn, I forgot how it is with him, every kiss, every touch makes you..... "oh my god" I say and I close my eyes as he starts kissing my stomach.

I thought I'd feel bad for cheating on Liam, that's why I haven't slept with Shawn yet, but now... I just don't care anymore, I know that me and Shawn are supposed to be, and I know Liam and I maybe had a good time together, but he just isn't the one that I want.

Shawn slowly takes my pants off revealing my underwear, making me shiver, he goes back to my face while kissing every spot on my body on the way there, smiling, "you are so beautiful" he says.

I smile, he makes me so happy. He kisses me again, taking my breath away. "I can't believe you wanted to give up on this" he says smiling kissing me again, going down again taking my underwear off and now I'm naked in front of him,

It's been a year, and no. I'm not feeling weird that I'm naked in front of him. It feels good. He takes his pants off with his boxers, showing off his sexy body. "You ready?" He asks.

I smile, I blush a bit too. "Yes" I say and Shawn just slides wight through me making me scream.

"You're going to wake up my parents, relax" Shawn says on top of me kissing as we go through.

I try to control my moans, what can I do, He is just so good to me..

In the morning, I woke up next to Shawn's chest, both of us still naked but under the blanket. I immediately smile, I feel so good. I seriously can't believe I broke up with him a year ago, I forgot how good he is in bed, and what a nice, and amazing person he is. And how good he makes me feel around him.

But I'm still thinking about taking a break, we need to try to restrain ourselves. I need to break up with Liam, and wait for Shawn to get back from your, and even then he won't be here in Toronto most of the time, but still.

"Hey Shawn" his mom walks in the room making Shawn to wake up. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry" she says dropping the clean clothes she brought him and she walks out.

What the fuck just happened? I look at Shawn and he looks at me. We are so screwed.