Mature (book 2)

Chapter 23 - Are u sure, Lucas?

It's September 5th late at night, close to midnight just a few minutes away from my birthday.

I didn't do anything today. I haven't talked to Liam all day long. I just sat in bed watching sad movies, I don't know why, but that's what I did.

"What?" I ask, someone is knocking on my door. There is no answer.

I open the door and I see Liam standing there. I don't know how to response. He hugs me, and gives me a kiss and to be honest all I want is to throw up in his face.

He smiles and he walks in closing the door after him. I fake smile, "it's your birthday soon" He says excited. Getting his hand out of his back to give me a cute teddy bear. I smile, I actually like it.

"We haven't talked all day. What happened yesterday?" He asks.

"I think that-" — "oh btw, before you say anything. I gave the concert tickets tomorrow to Brittany, I talked to her and she said she thinks you'll be happier to go with her, I don't know. So I gave her the tickets and you are going with her" he says. Oh my god. The concert. I totally forgot about the stupid concert.

"I think we-" he stops me again, "is it ok I have the tickets to Brittney? Or did you want to go with me? I mean-" — "I think we should break up" I manage to say. His face goes blank. "What?" He looks shook. Tears are filling down his eyes. "I think we should break up" I repeat. "But why?" He asks.

"I don't think we work anymore" I say. I don't want to embarrass him about me knowing he is gay. It's not appropriate.

"But I love you" He says. "Do you?" I ask. "Yes, and if I'm honest at first I wasn't sure I love you. But now I am" he says.

"Well I'm sorry. But I think you should go" I say. "No" he says. "Liam Stop it." — "I'm not going." He says. "I don't want us to keep being together I'm sorry" I say.

He cries and he looks at me, I look away. "Can you please just go" I say.

He doesn't say a word he just walks away crying. I don't care anymore I'm tired of this bullshit. I just want to be happy and live my life with out all this bullshit.

I went back to bed closing the door after Liam left. I don't feel bad for breaking up with him. I thought that I would, but I didn't, I still don't.

Shawn wants to FaceTime me, I feel good that he wants to, and I answer him.

"happy birthday beautiful" he says. Aww my heart squeals. I look at the time and yes, it's September 6th 12:03 am. Aka my birthday! "Thank you" I say smiling. "Can I come over?" He asks. "Aren't you tired? You probably rehearsed all day. And tomorrow is the concert. I don't want you to-" — "I'm on my way. See ya later. Bye" he hangs up. I chuckle and I put my phone on the side.

"Happy birthday little bitch" Lucas opens the door to my room. With a cake. "Don't look at me like that I just bought it" He says.

He goes back to put the cake on the counter. He comes back to my room and he sits next to me.

"I love you B. Happy birthday" He says hugging me. "Thank Lucas" I smile.

"I know today was weird. But I don't want you to think of me any differently. Ok? I am the same guy that I was, still your brother, that still loves you" he says.

"I broke up with Liam" I say. "You what?" He asks. "Liam was just here a second ago" he says. " I know." I say.

"Why?" He asks. I ignore his question, "Hey, When Shawn came last year, and you tried to tell me not to be with him and not to flirt with him, was it because you had feelings for him?" I ask.

"Well" He takes a drop breath. "Yes and no. I did have the tiniest thing for him, but I'm over it. I swear. I know he is not gay, or Bi. So that's just.. that. And well, yeah that's it" He says.

"Let's say hypothetically that I'm dating Shawn, would you get mad? Or upset? Or jealous?" I ask.

"I'm going to be completely honest and say that I will be jealous, and that I will be a bit sad. Not mad. Or upset. It will sting a bit but I'll get over it." He says. "But you are not dating him so I have nothing to be worried about, right?"

"I have feelings for Shawn" I admit. "You what?" He asks. "I have feelings for him, and I want to be with him. But if you will say that you don't want me to be with him I won't" I say.

"Does Shawn know you have feelings for him?" He asks. Um..... I think so, not so sure about it... hmm let me think. "Yes" I say.

He looks... well I don't know how to describe what he looks like, it's sort a of sad, thinking, mad, disappointed, hurt look. Well yeah.

"You have my blessing to be with him"
He says. "Really?" I ask. He takes a deep breath. "Yeah. I won't be the one to stop you guys from being with each other" he says.

"Are you serious right now" my face glows, I don't think I was ever this happy.

I mean of course I was, every time I'm actually with Shawn. But you get what I mean. Holy shit.

Even tho I'm so so happy right now, I feel bad for Lucas. I try to not show my over happiness.

"I think I'm gonna go to sleep, happy birthday B" he says. "Wait Lucas" I stop him.

"What?" He asks. He looks so sad and broken. "If you are not ok with this, tell me. I can handle it. I won't be with him" I say.

"No, I'm fine. I promise" he says. "Ok.." I say. "Oh and Shawn said he is coming over, do you want to hang with us?" I ask.

"Nah, you guys have fun.. I'm kind of tired" he says walking out of my room to his. I don't know how I'm feeling now, he said it's fine. But is it though?

A few minutes later Shawn walked in, he didn't even knock on the door. Well ok...