Missing 15

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  I do not understand dreams,
The thin line of a nightmare
And a dream.
I do understand that this
Was neither.
This thing was horrid, vile,
Real. I kept crying, kept
Shuddering in violent spasms.
I could not shake away
Inevitable death.

And I'll have them for awhile more,
But I do not know how long
I can stand to miss them.
I'll miss you so fucking much,
And I can only cry from dreaming
Now. Everything is so good,
And everything inside just sucks.  

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