The Beginning To The End

74 Not My Suicide Note

When I was born almost two decades ago,
Life was already easier before now.
I can remember never thinking about anything,
But I have always remembered it being easy.
Anyone can tell you that in a thousand different
Ways without ever really trying to be more.

But I always knew, that despite the easy life
I had going, that it was going to get harder.
It was never an easy option, but I did not
Grow up with the idea of easy.
Easy was the end.

But I've always wondered my purpose here,
If it was to tell tales in jest or to tell
Myself through the visuals of life I lived.
Even now, where I've set my life into a motion
That belongs to me, I wonder my purpose.

People have wondered, too, falling outside of the
Normal of themselves and becoming saddened
By the inability to know who they'll be.
Some people, the lucky ones, have money to
Dictate that future, but the rest of us had to
Decide on a whim where to go.

Some of us didn't go anywhere.
Some of us are dead.

And then there are the others, the ones with the
Unfortunate memories of terribleness and evil.
Humans are evil, and there's no escaping evil.

So when I walk these stones to the graves,
I remember that most of us could not make it.
I remember that all humans are eventual onlookers
To their own bodies, their own graves, and the
Only way to return is to die.
Even money knows that.

So when I was young and in my own body,
I did not look to the future as a possible
Way to stay in.
I knew, like everyone else, I would escape this
Body and pretend the world is good until it
Becomes detriment to my soul.

But, there is another way to return from being an
Onlooker to the physicalness of your body besides
Death.
You must know your purpose.

I was lucky enough to have emotions early, to
Feel this outside-ness before I ended up dead.
I was young with ambitions.
I was young with creativity.
I still wonder my end goal,
But I have forgotten the feeling of looking
On into the darkness of my human soul.