Perception

Part 4: Delving into Madness

I met Wayne at a gas station near my apartment when I first moved to Hillson. He'd offered to pump my gas. He was tall, dark and handsome just like the saying goes. He was well dressed in a three piece suit. He was charming, charismatic and chilvalrous. The three C's. But surprisingly with all those immediate qualities, it still took me three weeks to even talk to him on the phone. I was foolishly still seeing Devon and we were in an on again off again hold pattern.  I tried to undo the feelings I'd developed for him. I didn't tell him I accepted a job in Hillson. I thought it was best to pretend everything was fine. But he was cunning and he was good at making me believe he was all better. One minute he was buying me flowers and taking me to dinner. The next he was saying some evil thing that he laughed off and pretended it was a joke. Devon was handsome too. He had beautiful skin, big brown childlike eyes, the straightest whitest teeth I'd ever seen. I was a sucker for a man with a beard and one who smelled good. Devon was all of these things and more. He was smart and took good care of himself. He was thoughtful and for the year and two months that we dated he did remember my birthday, Valentine's day, and even took me away on a trip for our one year anniversary. Who knew a man with all these qualities could all be the craziest son-of-a-bitch you ever wanted to meet?

Remembering that trip now gives me spasms. Looking back now I wonder why I stayed for so long. What made me think he would ever be normal? 

 The sun warm on my face was what woke me up that morning. Devon was standing over me, staring at me. I didn't know if I should pretend to still be sleeping or if I should get up. I chose to feign sleeping just to see what was on his mind. He just stood there for the longest time. Staring at me. Then he walked away and came back with a knife. He held it over my heart and moved it in the shape of trying to carve it out. "I could cut this right out of you. Right now, put it in a jar and you'd never love anyone or anything else again." His eyes were fixed in a strange trance and he seemed to be devoid of  feeling. It scared me so much I decided the best thing to do was get up. I faked a loud yarn. "Hey babe..." I said sleepily stretching, rubbing my eyes the whole nine. "What are you doing?" He didn't bother hiding the knife or pretending that he was doing something else. Instead, he was completely honest. 

"I was thinking about how it would feel to cut your heart out and keep it in a jar." I was in more shock now, not necessarily because of the words but because he was so nonchalant about what he was saying. I laughed trying to lighten the mood and act as if I thought he was joking. "Come on baby, seriously? You've already got my heart." "Do I?" he said cocking his head to one side like a dog does when he's listening for something. I smiled and nodded playing with the hairs on his chest. He didn't say anything but continued to stare directly into my eyes. I tried again to break the spell he seemed to be under. "Devon, I love you, you know that right?" I stammered out the words nervously. He never answered but instead simply walked away. When he was out of sight I jumped out of the bed and went to take a shower. I felt like he had burned a mark in my skin the way he stared at me. As I began to wash up, suddenly he was there in the shower with me. Still not speaking, he grabbed my chin and kissed me hard. For lack of knowing what else to do I kissed him back. I thought the best thing to do was to keep him calm. He looked at me as if he didn't expect that. Once it registered that I was down for it, he picked me up by my waist and shoved hard in me. I gasped and then wrapped my arms around his neck to pull him closer. 

He moved faster inside of me. It was good at first but he seemed to be trying to get to the finish line instead of making love. Suddenly he was done. "Yah!" he yelled and just like that he dropped me. I slid down the shower wall and fell flat on my ass. "Ow! What was that?" I asked irritated. He turned to look at me, his eyes in slits. "What the hell is the problem?" "The problem? You just dropped me!" "Lower your voice. You can speak to me without yelling." he was eerily calm. "You...just...dropped...me." I spit out each word angrily. "So...I was finished." "So it's all about you?" "Yes." he answered matter of factly. "Since when?" I asked dumbly. "Since always. You are not all that important in this relationship. You're merely just a vessel for me to enjoy myself." "What!" I yelled. "You heard me kitten." "You bastard." I said lowly because so many emotions were running through me and I didn't know how to feel. "Get dressed, it's time to go." He left me sitting on the shower floor, the water beating me in the chest. I could hear him moving around in the other room. He stepped back in the bathroom and saw that I hadn't moved. "Get the fuck out of there now!" he yelled.

I jumped but it brought me back. I climbed out of the shower and turned the water off. I stood looking  at myself in the full length mirror. I thought about how many times he thought about cutting my heart out while I slept. How I could have opened myself up to a man like this? He was brutal and uncaring in every way. Why did I agree to this damn trip in the first place?

After we returned from that trip I threw myself into work. I wanted desperately to get him out of my system. He was continuously calling and texting and showing up at my apartment and job.  Being an assistant principal back then, did come with it's own set of complications. Students were acting out, parents were complaining, teachers were stressed and I was in the middle of it. I was exhausted but more than happy to put in the overtime. I was trying to keep my mind off of Devon.

How could I have fallen for someone like him?

>>>>>>>>>>>>She's an assistant principal. He's a sociopath. What connection did they have? Is it the good girl, bad boy scenario? Will moving away keep them apart? Will Wayne be a welcome distraction at all?>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>