Doe In The Meadow | Peeta Mellark

fourteen

Champions, victors, winners.

All three are what we were called. All three are what I didn't feel like. I didn't feel like a champion. I felt like a murderer. I didn't feel like a victor, I felt ashamed, but that didn't matter. Because in the eyes of Panem, we were brave and winners. It was complete and utter bullshit.

I stared at Caesar as he questioned Peeta on our flourishing love, talking of how I saved his life and all. Katniss faked her smile as I continued my blank and dull expression. I had no interest in pretending I was happy that I had won. I still had a mission to achieve and a goal to fulfill. And we weren't even close to that. "When did you realize you couldn't live without her?" Caesar asked of Peeta, and I was brought back down to Earth. Peeta grabbed onto my hand and looked over into my eyes. We were putting on a show for these people. Yes, we did have these feelings for one another, but it wasn't this clown act.

"When I found her," he began, but stopped himself. I nodded, letting him continue. "When she was covered in blood and I wasn't sure if it was hers." He looked into my eyes, knowing he had to make a personal connection with the audience. "I knew when I thought she was badly hurt, that if I lost her, I wouldn't know what to do with myself."

So much blood, seeping into my flesh. I could taste the metallic flavor on my tongue of the boys blood mixed with my own. I couldn't help but puke all over the ground next to me. My katana looked like a beautiful solution right about now as it lay lodged into the boys skull. I wanted it in mine. It slid out gracefully, and I wiped as much as I could off on the dirt below. His eyes stared back at me. His haunting eyes.

"And how about you, Arizona?" Caesar asked me now, snapping me back again. I sat there a few moments, quietly, before speaking up.

"The second I stepped on that platform and the countdown hit one, all I could think about was finding him." I informed, bored of this topic. The crowd let out an 'awe' in unison. I needed to play along with this game. At least for the time being.

"How wonderful!" Caesar exclaimed, pleased with my response. I looked out at the crowd. Their enthusiasm about all of this made me sick to my stomach. How could anyone be so happy speaking of the death of children?

***

"Arizona, what is it?" Peeta asked as I sat next to him on the train ride to District 12.

"I don't want to go home." I sighed.

"I know." He muttered. I looked around to see Mayneck and Haymitch talking near the bar. Effie and Tallie were discussing fashion or some other pointless topic on the couches near the fireplace.

"How will I see you again?" I asked, quietly.

"District 12 is only a two day trip to the Capitol, I can visit." He assured me. "Or you can, whatever you'd like." His hand tightened around mine. "Once we turn eighteen, we can figure something else out, I promise." He whispered, leaning closer to me on the couch. He continued to look at me, but my eyes stay fixated on the window leading outside. Trees rushed past, as we sped 200 miles per hour down the tracks. I continued to try to focus on them as we flew through, but it caused a headache to form.

"I don't want to deal with the nightmares on my own." I finally told him. He stared at me and then I watched as he reached into his pocket and pulled something out.

"I had Effie have this made for you." He informed me, opening his hands, revealing a small ring in the shape of two antlers. In the center was a small sunflower jewel. "I remember you telling me of the sunflower field and how much you loved them." He smiled and my heart melted. I placed it on my finger and wrapped my arms around his neck as the train began to stop. His arms reached around my waist. "I love you, Arizona." He whispered. "And not the love we talk about on national television, either. I actually genuinely love you."

"I love you, Peeta Mellark." I felt tears form in my eyes as he had to stand. He began walking away but I refused to release his hand, and god, his smile could radiate a whole village on its own.

"It'll be okay. I promise."