Doe In The Meadow | Peeta Mellark

sixteen

"I'm not reading off of a card." I informed them as we stood, waiting to walk on the stage.

"Arizona, you need to cooperate with us," Tallie began, but I shot a wicked glare in her direction.

"I said what I said and I mean it. I'm not reading off of a card." I demanded, dropping it to the floor. She let out a loud sigh as everyone stared awkwardly towards me. How insensitive is that? To read about fallen tributes instead of speaking from the heart.

"Katniss Everdeen, Peeta Mellark, and Arizona Stark!" The announcer called.

"Fine." Tallie adjusted my jacket and sighed. The three of us walked onto the stage. There was a quiet applause for us as Peeta began speaking and then suddenly, he stopped. I looked to him out of the side of my eye, watching as he slipped the card into his pocket. I listened as he talked of the two tributes kindly and I looked out to their families. Rue was so young. I couldn't imagine having to lose ones child in the games, especially a twelve year old. My heart ached for them.

I wanted to scream. I wanted to curse the Capitol and just run away and never return. My soul was lost in this game. It will never end and I knew that. I guess that explains why I hadn't truly felt myself in about a year.

"We would like to donate one month of our winnings to Thresh and Rue's family every year for the rest of our lives." Peeta informed them as we then began to walk off. But Katniss stepped forward and began to speak of Thresh showing her mercy and then of Rue.

"I see her in the flowers that grow in the meadow by my house. The Mockingjay song. In my sister Prim. She was too young and too gentle. And I couldn't save her." She stopped for a moment. "I'm sorry." Katniss began to tear up. An elderly man whistlened the Mockingjay theme and they lifted their three fingers to the sky.

The sound of the peacekeepers batons caused me to jump back a little as they stormed into the crowd, finding the old man. "Stop it!" I heard my voice shout and then I felt two hands grasp onto my shoulders as I froze. Katniss was attempting to stop them as well, but peacekeepers pulled her back.

I was being pulled in through the doors as well, as they slowly closed ahead of us, but my eyes just caught the bullet entering into the back of the mans skull. I dropped to my knees and looked to see Peeta had been the one holding me. Katniss screamed in anger as Haymitch pulled her away, demanding we follow him.

Hesitantly, we were led up to an attic as Haymitch lectured her. "Please help me get through this trip." Katniss begged of him.

"Wake up! This trip doesn't end when you get home! You never get off this train. You all are mentors now so every year you're going to be dragged out here and broadcasted to the world." He told her, somewhat frustrated. "And you two," he looked to Peeta and I, as I stiffened up. "I get something clearly happened between the two of you, but the world can't know that. You both need to bring that spark back, or Snow is gonna lose it."

"I'm not pretending to be something I'm not." I snapped. He glared at me and I knew exactly what he was implying. If I didn't oblige, not only would my family possibly be killed, but Peeta's as well. "Fine." I caved, glancing quickly toward Peeta and then back to the ground, in retreat.

As the tour continued on, we continued to read from cards and say whatever our escorts had written. Every night we boarded back on the train and went into our seperate rooms. But I always found myself up around 3 am, sitting on the couch, watching out the window. The only peace I could seem to find, especially when I couldn't ever sleep all too much.

I held the mug tightly in my hands as I sipped on the black coffee poured inside. "Can't sleep?" A sudden voice asked, sounding groggy. I looked over and sighed.

"I never can." I muttered as he walked over and placed himself next to me.

"Neither can I." He looked out the window as well but then I felt his eyes avert to me. "May I speak freely?" He asked.

"I have a feeling you're going to anyways." I took another sip.

"I know you're angry. But please just understand, I couldn't see you." He informed as I let out a scoff.

"Thanks." I shook my head in anger, with a quick sarcastic laugh.

"No, you don't get it." He grew frustrated, trying to figure how he should say whatever he needed to say.

"Then how about you explain it to me, Peeta." I demanded, growing angrier by the second.

"I mean your father told me if I were to ever see you again," he stopped himself and my head whipped in his direction.

"What? He told you what?" I questioned. He was hesitant to respond.

"In a simpler context, he assured my dissapearance." Peeta looked down. "And he said that you were going to be married to some guy named Jackson and that if I continued to pursue this relationship, something terrible would happen to not only myself but to you and I didn't know what that meant. I was scared, Ari. I know I was a coward and I should have sent you a letter or something but I didn't want anything bad to happen to you. And I wanted you to have the best chance in life." He begged of my forgiveness, but I couldn't help to grow angry. More angry than I had ever been at someone I cared for.

"I wrote you so many goddamn times!" I shouted, feeling a lump form in my throat.

"I know. And I kept every letter." He assured.

"I cried for you! I mourned for you! I showed up at your house only to have Katniss comfort me and tell me that we were over! I fucking loved you and you couldn't even be bothered to open your goddamn door!"

"I know. I heard you there. I sat on the other side of that door crying too, but your father was having me watched by members of the Capitol. I couldn't risk not only my safety, but yours as well!" He rebutted but I was too angry to calm myself.

"A single letter would have sufficed!" I stood up, throwing the mug across the compartment and watching it shatter against the wall, glass and coffee staining the floor. At this point, people began to wake and come in, but that didn't stop my tantrum that I had built up inside of me for so long. "You said you loved me. You promised we would be together and you assured that I would never feel as alone as I ended up feeling. You gave me these empty promises and you broke them all! Tell me, was it really all for the games? Like how you said after that very first interview, that Haymitch wanted you to get sympathy from the audience, was that how you felt all along? Was I just some fucking pawn?" I screamed at him, hitting his chest.

"Ari, no, please calm down," He begged, grasping onto my shoulders, but I couldn't stop. I was shaking with anger at this point. I stood there, silently for the first time, looking around to see Katniss, Effie, Haymitch, Mayneck and Tallie staring at us. I looked insane to them I was sure of it, but I didn't care anymore. Tour was over, so I wouldn't need to see them again. I finally looked back to him and with one final sentence before walking off.

"Fuck you, Peeta Mellark."