Doe In The Meadow | Peeta Mellark

eighteen

I woke another night, screaming and soaked in sweat. I scrambled to my feet and walked over to the bathroom, splashing water onto my face.

Glancing at the clock, I realized it was 6 am. So I got myself dressed and walked outside, through the field. I placed myself on the cold ground and stared up at the sky, putting my mind back in the games. I remembered it all. I could feel that same chill in the air that I felt that first night while I was alone. I could hear the sounds of the tributes screams and the cannon of the fallen. I dug my fingertips into the soil surrounding me as tears began to swell up in my eyes, blurring my vision.

"Arizona?"  A voice startled me and I looked over to see Jackson staring down upon me. "How long have you been out here?"

"What time is it?" I asked, sitting myself back up.

"Ten." He told me.

"Few hours, then." I held my hand out as he stood me to my feet. He dusted the dirt off my clothes and stared at me.

"I'm worried about you." He told me. I looked up at him and then pressed myself into his body. "It's been five months since the games, I thought you'd be doing a little better by now." He said into my head.

"I killed people, Jack. That's not something you can just get over." I sighed.

"I know, I know. Are you still having the nightmares?" He asked. I nodded slightly. "Are you having flashbacks again?" I nodded once more. I could feel his body shift as he let out a disappointed sigh. I knew the stress I was experiencing was an inconvenience to everyone in my life, because it was for me as well. But I was trying so hard to feel normal again, I just couldn't.

Every night when I closed my eyes, I pictured that boys face as the katana was wedged into his skull. The bodies during the bloodbath had been engraved into my memory. There was no coming back from that trauma. I just needed to learn how to live with it.

I sat with Jackson on the couch of my living room, of the home I was gifted from winning the games. I would have declined the offer, but being away from my parents was a relief, and Jackson was here most days to keep me comforted, it helped with the nightmares. As we watched the footage of Snow, he talked of how every twenty five years there would be a quarter quell, whatever the hell that meant. Jackson looked over at me, and I rolled my eyes about Snow, because seeing his face was just another painful reminder.

"Now on this 75th anniversary of our defeat of the rebellion, we celebrate our third quarter quell."

"If I hear the words quarter quell one more time, I swear to god, I'm going to lose it." I muttered, smirking to Jackson as he let out a small laugh.

"As a reminder that even the strongest cannot overcome the power of the Capitol. So for this quarter quell, the male and female tributes are to be reaper from the existing pool of victors from each district." Snow continued on, and my smile dropped, and my heart stopped, sinking to the lowest pit of my stomach. Jackson looked back to me, with eyes widened and mouth agape. I was technically one of District 6's female victors. One of two, that is. There were two other male victors which happened to be Mayneck and some other boy who was addicted to morphling.

And then I thought of Peeta. It was going to be between Peeta and Haymitch. I looked to the hologram once more, and in complete frustration, reached down, latching on to the lamp on the side table and began throwing everything I could at it.

"A, calm down." Jackson pleaded, attempting to help me settle, but I just continued to angrily thrust whatever was available in its direction. A few of the maids began to stare at me as I let out the loudest, most blood curdling scream my voice could project. Jackson latched onto me as I dropped to the floor. "Arizona, it's okay. It's between you and another girl, you have a 50/50 chance." He spoke to me, as if that were comforting. That was a 50% chance I would be dying and a 50% chance she would be.

***

I stood on the stage next to Tallie, feeling the all too familiar de ja vu of the prior year. A bowl sat in front of me and the other girl, who was in her early thirties and definitely hooked on morphling. I looked over to Mayneck and the other victor boy.

This was it.

"Welcome!" Tallie tried to be as cheerful as possible. "This year for the 75th annual Hunger Games, I will select one female victor and one male." She informed us of the obvious rules. I knew this was being broadcast to all of Panem at the moment.

I pictured my parents, waiting to hear which name would be called, in anticipation. They were furious with me when I arrived back home from the games. They were more furious when they found out I had been distributing all of my money to different districts, considering I wanted none of it.

I pictured Jackson, my one true friend out here who just wanted me to be smart, and who truly did love me for who I was and not who I pretended to be. The boy who took care of me when I was all alone, my closest friend.

And then I pictured Peeta, the boy I had been in love with and who I now knew didn't want to leave me, but was forced by my family, watching and waiting for whose name would be called. His reaping wasn't for a few hours, and I just knew he was watching mine.

"For the female tribute," She walked over to the bowl and dipped her hand in, glancing over at me one time and then pulling out the slip of my future. I held my breath as she opened it up and just by her expression, I knew. "Arizona Stark." She muttered so quietly that only the mic was able to pick up her voice.

The girl next to me, dropped to her knees in tears of joy. I was happy for her, too. I would have felt wrong if she was chosen.

I stepped forward next to Tallie and looked to my feet, wishing I could just collapse. "And for the men," She reached into the other clear bowl and pulled out a name. "Cassian Joosh." She introduced the previous victor. He was clearly hooked on morphling as well and was in his mid twenties. He stepped forward, in disbelief. "Well, there we have it, our two tributes." She sounded saddened, and I knew she was. I lifted my hand to my mouth, kissing the three fingers and raising it to the sky, as the audience of District 6 did in response. Two peacekeepers roughly grabbed onto my sides and pulled me off stage, but before I was completely out of view, I looked directly at the camera as I knew Snow was watching me and finally, let out a smirk. I was coming back to my old self.

Because if I'm about to die, might as well go out with a fucking bang.