My notebook (Byler)

12.

    In lunch, Dustin had picked a seat by the window which was usually always taken. I wasn't in particularly hungry so I sat down and waited for Dustin to come back from the lunch line.
   "Mind if we sit or are you mad too?" Max said with a small smile. I smiled back at Lucas and Max.
  "Go ahead" I said and pushed over. Max sat beside me while Lucas sat next to the empty space where Dustin would soon sit.
   "What about Mike?" I asked. I knew shouldn't have cared but he is all I've got and I knew we're all he's got.
   "He agreed to sit with us but I think he went to the bathroom." Lucas said as he bit into his chicken patty.
   "I'm sorry, Max. About the arcade thing. I didn't know he would even-" but Max held her hand up.
   "Will stop. It wasn't even close to being your fault. Nobody knew Mike would lash out like that" I smiled at her, still feeling guilt in my tummy. Dustin sat beside Lucas.
   "Hey!" He said. "I got pudding!" He held it up to show it to us. I chuckled and looked up. Mike was looking at his feet as he walked up to the table. At that very instant, I realized Mike would be sitting on the other side of me.
  "He must hate me" I thought as I looked anywhere else but the empty space next to me. His warmth filled it and his arm was barely touching mine. I felt claustrophobic all of a sudden.
   "He hate me"

***Mike's P.O.V****

  "He hates me. He won't even look at me. I'm so sorry, Will. I am so fucking sorry" I thought as I looked at him from the corner of my eye. He was pale and smiling brightly at Lucas who had said something that I failed to hear. He must be happy that he doesn't have to worry about me. I looked anywhere else but him. My chest felt like it was burning and I just wanted to cry.
   "Mike once broke my window! He sucks at throwing" I looked over at Dustin who was laughing. I cracked a smile. I remember that. Will had tagged along and was freaking out at the shattered glass and was yelling
  "What are we going to do?!" I laughed.
  "Oh yeah! And Will was freaking the hell out!" I said. The group began laughing as well as Will who blushed in embarrassment. It was always cute when he'd blush because his hands would get all sweaty and he would look away with his tomato colored face.
  "I didn't know what to do, okay?" He said in fake anger which only made me smile more. I missed him. I just wanted to hold him,wanted him in my arm. My stomach turned as he looked at me.
   "You scared me" he chuckled. Though we were talking about the past memory that the three of us shared, those words took me back to yelling at him. I looked away and held onto my sweater.
  The smiled disappeared and the guilt began to start again.
    "Mike? You okay?" Dustin asked. His hand was in front of me and all eyes were on me. I didn't get to answer as the bell interrupted the few minuets of peace between us all. I got up and nodded.
  "Yes. I'm fine" I said and turned on my heel. "Mike wait!" Lucas threw his trash away and followed me.
   "Listen, If you're gonna fix things and I mean fix things  and hear Will out, now is the time. Oh! And I better not hear of you hurting him again,got it?" Lucas threatened
  "I wouldn't hurt him" I snapped.
"I wouldn't hurt Will ever" I walked away but took the advice to mind.
  "Will is up for talking. Will actually doesn't hate me! Well maybe..Hopefully" in class, I began to write numerous different greetings and apologies. All that came to be shit.
   "Focus Mike. This is Will we're talking too. Get him a flower? Don't do that. Get him candy? Too cheesy? Maybe? Oh god what do I say??!!"