My notebook (Byler)

11

 
    I didn't go to Mike's place or answered his calls. The weekend past slow and it was spent in my room with crayons and paper all over the floor but nothing but scribbles on them. Nothing was helping. My notebook no longer had the comfort it used to bring me neither did drawing when all I could think about is the way Mike grabbed and pulled at me when he yelled. How scared I was of him for the first time. How disappointed I felt when he left without an apology. He really didn't want me around anymore. The littlest bit of me hoped I was wrong but no.. I was right.

   At school, I avoided all of them except Dustin. Once he saw me at my locker, he hugged me. Hugged me and didnt say a word. That was all I needed. I told him of what Mike had done, told him how much he hated me, told him how disappointed I was when Mike just walked out and left me there without an apology, without a word. Dustin was sympathetic and was there for me when he could. On Friday, I was first in class and sat down in my new seat where Dustin had picked out and avoided eye contact with both Lucas and Mike.
  I doodled all over a piece of paper I had pulled out and waited for Dustin. He wasn't always late but when he was, I felt anxious and wanted to run out the school but obviously I had to pull a brave face and act as if nothing was wrong. The seat next to me made an awful sound as it was pulled out then someones arm was against mine. My eyes went up and then to my side.
    "You and Dustin have been hanging out a lot. He doesn't talk to us either and honestly that's really unfair and unlike you" Lucas said.
   "I'm sorry but I didn't tell him to do that" I said quietly.
    "I figured but it was still pretty unfair that you don't want to talk to Max and I. I get it that You and Mike got into an arguement but-"
   "Wait, how do you know about that?" Lucas looked at me as my eyes stayed on his.
    "Mike told us on Saturday. He was a mess and didn't want to do anything. El went home first but we wanted answers so he told us and...Well now he just barely talks to me or El anymore. Mike really does feel bad about the whole thing just doesn't know what to do." Lucas looked at the door and back at me.
   "You should maybe talk to him" he continued but I shook my head.
  "Mike doesn't care. He's made it very clear that he doesn't want me around so I won't be. I won't push myself to be in his life. He'll get over it" but I knew he wouldn't. Mike doesn't get over things like this very quickly or maybe at all. He would think of it and tell me but now he's got Lucas to tell. Maybe he would get over it and go back to being inlove with El.
  "I don't know, Will. But promise me, if he wants to talk to you. Give it a try. If he does anything he'll deal with Dustin and I." Lucas smiled at me and got up when Dustin walked up to us well more like jog. He was out of breath and his cheeks were all red. After him was Mike. Mike looked tired. His hair was messy and his shirt was inside out but barely noticeable because of his sweater. His eyes met mine but I looked away quickly and went back to doodling.
   "I promise but he won't go up to me. He wouldn't" I said quietly. The bell rang and everyone began filling in the room. Lucas went back to sit next to Mike while Dustin sat with me. I would look at Mike time to time then at Max who was sleeping peacefully on her desk. Just because of me, everyone was separated. There wasn't anything I could do without involving Mike.

     Mike.

  "I miss the old Mike. My Mike."