My notebook (Byler)

21.

                ***Will's p.o.v****

    Mike's hands were still on my face and his body pressed against mine. I couldn't stop smiling. This has been all I've ever wanted and more.
   "I'm sorry" Mike chuckled "You wouldn't shut up." He slipped his hands on my waist and helped me stand up straight. We fixed ourselves up. I even picked up my binders I had dropped. Mike helped but stopped midway just to press his lips against mine again. I turned into a hungry dog when he did.
I knew this wasn't right but I still insisted on pulling him closer and closer till I couldn't anymore. I stopped thinking minutes before and all I really wanted was him. I mean I just want him to be with me at all times, hold me the way he holds el, have conversations all night till he or I fall asleep, kiss me with passion and I just want him. I'm in no control of these thoughts or emotions pouring out at the moment.     
   All I can really want is to have him as close as I can and think "I want him" over and over again.
   "Will" He said after breaking our kiss. I knew I was being childish but I let out a small annoyed whine. He chuckled and pulled me up along with my bag
   "We've got to go, Will. Their going to lock us in here" I agreed and walked out cautiously, making sure no one saw us come out of here together.
   "HEY! THERE YOU GUYS ARE!" Dustin yelled as he ran towards both of us. "We've been looking all over for you.." Dustin's words faited as a single thought ran threw my mind, sudden realization I guess

       "El....I helped Mike cheat"

  Shame ran throughout my body and suddenly I couldn't look at Mike anymore. "I should go home" I said.    
  "Hey, I thought we were hanging out today?" Mike said, his hand on my shoulder.
   "Forgot. Moms birthday today and I wouldn't miss it" I walked away quickly and rode on my bike without saying a word to anyone else.
  I felt gross and cruel, I felt like I've betrayed someone I barely knew. I felt.....I felt...I don't know. All I know is I'm ashamed of what I've done and I really didn't want to be around anyone but my notebook.
  I threw my bike to the side and walked into my house then my room. Lucky for me, nobody was home so I could scream, kick and just absolutely destroy my entire room. I know,  I'm being overdramatic but I felt as if I deserved it.
  I ended up curled up on my now naked bed and cried until I couldn't anymore.
  "He doesn't want me the way I want him. I'm just an experiment, aren't I? Or maybe, better yet, he's playing with my feelings so I'd forgive him more often" I took a few breathers and tried my best to relax but how could I? "My bestfriend Mike made out with me! What else could I think? That this straight guy suddenly hits a right turn and smashes his lips with his friend and it's totally okay? Yeah no. There's some kind of catch in this! I know it!"

********

  I open my eyes for a split second before closing them again in annoyance. I reach for a blanket but there is none. This is when I open my eyes and try to look around but it's too dark. My door is still locked and the curtains still block the view but my light is still plugged in for my luck. I turn it on and look at the mess I created.
   I frowned a little and sat there for a bit, staring into nothing.
     "Dustin"
I jump off the bed and pull back the curtains. Immediately I noticed the darkness of the night. There was no moon, barely stars, Just clouds. I bit my lip and grabbed a bag, filling it with a notebook, my walkie-talkie and most importantly, snacks.
   "Where the hell is my notebook?" I looked in every corner but gave up and pulled my window open before jumping out. I closed my window half way then ran to my bike and left almost immediately. My face hurt from the cold air that hit me and I regretted not taking a jacket with me.
  When I got to Dustin's house, I pulled the walkie-talkie out of my bag and sat in my bike, staring at the house.
    "Dustin are you there? Wake up! Dustin!" I bit my lip and waited for a response. When there wasn't any, I continued.
   "It's Will..Please answer. I really need someone right now...Dustin please.." My teeth caught on my lip again. "One more time"
"Du-"
"I'm here! I'm here shut up" He answered groggily. I smiled. "Dustin! I'm outside! I really need to talk to you."
"Why the fuck are you up so early?!" I heard movement in the background before hearing a door. "I'll explain everything just let me in! Its freezing out here" he hummed and before I knew it, The front door opened with a sleepy, messy haired, Blue pj'd, Dustin at the front door.
   "Come on" He said. I hopped off the bike and ran inside, embracing the warmth. He closed the door behind me and left me to grab a blanket and wrapped it around me.
"You want to borrow some pj's? Does your mom even know you're here? What's wrong?" Dustin was now fully awake and worrying. "Come on. Let's make some hot coco" He brought me into the kitchen and took out the ingredients before making it.
  I sat on the counter.
   "Mike kissed me in the janitors closet and I....I.." Tears started slipping down my cheeks and off onto the blanket.
   "I Helped him cheat and I feel so awful!" I began sobbing into the blanket rather loudly. I felt Dustin jump on to the counter and sit next to me.
"Why hadn't you told me earlier? No wait. Hold on. I'm gonna get you some pj's. Stay here" He hopped off and left me alone with my thoughts and shame.
         
             "I'm a horrible person"