My notebook (Byler)

15.

  
    Mike and I spent hours talking about things we did without each other. Our backs against each other and our heads leaning against one another. I reached out to the basket and pulled out a chip bag then got back into our original position.
"How's el?" I asked though I wasn't very interested in hearing about her but if it made Mike happy, I'd bear with it. I didn't have to look at him to know he was smiling.
    "She's been trying to make me happy and she's tried everything like movies and shoving waffles in my mouth. She even brought that old picture of you and pretended to be you" He laughed which only made me smile.
   "Dustin has been doing the same" I felt him tense up.
   "Yeah I know. You've guys are inseparable" he chuckled yet it sounded fake. This simple act made me sit up and turn to him.
   "Yeah that's how the four of us are, Mike" I snapped.
   "That's not what I meant. I just meant you guys have become closer" He shrugged and took some chips from the bag. For the first time, Mike was tip toeing his words. I stared at him for a small moment before my hand formed into a tight fist.
    "Don't do that!" I yelled. Mike looked at me, confused.
   "Do what?" He said.
   "Treat me like everybody else! Like if you say the wrong thing, I'll tip over and go insane! I'm not as weak as everybody thinks I am!" I yelled.
I was now standing and looking down at him. He put his hands on my wrist gently and brought me back down.
   "Okay, okay. I'm sorry it's just you and Dustin got so close it was like he took my place" Mike said.
   "Well you've long replaced me! It's always about El! What she's doing, saying or whatever! It just can't be us anymore"
  "Yeah! Cause she's my girlfriend, Will!"
   "Yeah girlfriend not wife! Whatever she doesn't like, you can't like it either!"
  "You're just jealous!"
  "Oh really?!"
   "Yeah! You're jealous that I have a girlfriend and you don't!"
  "Mike, I don't even want a girlfriend!"
  "Then why are you so hateful towards El!? Is it cause I can't give you ALL the attention?!"
  "It's because I love you but you'll never feel the same and lately you've been pushing me away and it feels like you know!" I wanted to say but instead I looked at him with an angry pout, not knowing what to say.
  "Well!?" He snapped.
   "You put us last, Mike. You put us last ever since she became you're one and only. D&D isn't even relevant to you since she came around. Me, you re bestfriends through thick and thin, is way, way last now. We don't even talk the way we used to" I said, feeling my eyes tear up but I looked away and tried to force myself to stay strong.
   "Will..." Mike was silent for a little but then spoke up.
   "I didn't mean to do that to you guys or you in general. Will, you're my bestest friend and you know if you called, I'd be there in a second. I'm sorry. Really sorry, Will." He put his hand under my chin and faced me towards him. Though I knew I wasn't strong at keeping my emotions in. I hated that I was a sensitive kid. I hated feeling the tears rolling down my cheeks. Mike saw this and wiped them away.
  "Don't cry..Don't cry, alright? I'm sorry. Really sorry and I'll start managing time with both you , el and the guys. I'm stupid and that we both know" He cracked a smile which made me chuckle a little. He brought me into a tight hug and there we sat for a while and neither of us moved to break it.
   I wanted this to happen all the time. To have his arms wrapped around me, to know I got these special hugs, the bestfriends since we were in kindergarten hugs that not even El could have. His head rested on the top of my head and that only made it so much better.
             I love him and that was the only secret I've ever kept from him.