Rant Book

Rant 10

Hey, been a while since I posted one of these. Happy 2019 (also 2319!). Superbowl just happened ig and guess what that brought! Transphobia of the non-binary/agender variety! yaayy. Long story short my friend tagged me and another one of their friends in a post on insta asking how to come out to their family and new friends (also, proud of you Mace. Just moved and already have friends, thats awesome). Anyway, I was writing a big long resonse bc good dads give detailed advice when asked stuff and I missed the beginning of the new Endgame trailer. Kyle must not of realized I wasn't paying attention, but he said something to Jon like Dad, look a new Endgame trailer! Bc he was in the next room and I looked up from my phone in time to see the very end of it and made some offhand joke about how Kyle should've told me it was an Endgame trailer so I couldve paid attention. So, of course, Jon had to make a comment about how if I put away my phone I would pay better attention. To which I responded to tell him that I felt what I was doing on my phone was rather important and I needed to finish asap ((Further context; Kyle and I had just gotten home from the movies and they had tagged me in the post at least an hour before the time I was responding, so I was trying to be fast as I replyed so they could hear what advice I had to give as soon as I could)). And he gave me this look of disbelief like Yeah, what on your phone could possibly be more important than the superbowl. Well, first off, literally anything on my phone would be more important to me than the game bc I dont like to watch sports, football especially. And second, my friend reached out to me for advice on something I know is really fuckin important to them and literally anyone else who has had to come out to family, especially when they're homo/tranphobic and just generally really religious in the hateful way. But I was calm and collected and just said "Yeah, Im helping Mace come out to their parents." To which he had the audacity to say "is there more than one Mace?"-continuing after my confused expression something to the rough meaning of: Well you said they and my 8th grade level of literacy in the english language makes me believe that you can't use they/them pronouns in reference to a singular entity and you're stupid for "making up your own language" and using those pronouns in that way. Im obviously superior in knowledge, even though I comment on how much smarter you are than me in basically everything all the time. My ignorant views on a community ive never even tried to be apart of is way more valuable than yours, a person who is not only part of the community in at least 2 different ways (could be 3, depending on who you ask). But also someone who actively reads things to learn about the ever evolving language, community, and society I live in. Ive never felt like curling up in a ball and not existing bc of who I am more than I did in that moment.

Ok, wow. I did not realize how heated I was about that. That was supposed to just be some context for why I started thinking about the real thing I got on here to talk/ask about. I would really live your guys' feedback, like honest feedback. Be as truthful and brutal as you can, this is something I don't want sugar coated at all. I guess I want to know if its okay(?) that im feeling like this, also some idea on how to express it if you do think I'm all good would be nice

I guess to put it blunty, I think I might be genderfluid minus the female/feminine part. Like, I just kinda shift between completely neutral and agender and 100% masculine. Although, those are extremes and a rarity. I usually feel a mixture of both, just more so one or the other sometimes. Does that make sense? I feel like it wont to anyone but me bc no one else is in my head and knows what Im thinking/feeling. I think I might make colored bracelets so that anyone who im out to can easily tell "oh, hey, Ty/Tylers feeling more neutral/masculine today." And thats another thing. Tyler, yay or nay? I want to have a name that feels masculine when I am more so, but can also shorten to a more androgynous name when Im more neutral. Ive kinda also been thinking of Alex/Alexander/Lex but my friend/new son (hes a freshman and I would willingly die for him) came out a bit ago with the chosen name Alex and I dont want people to be like "wow, Tys just stealing Alex's name" ya know? That's about it, ig. I would love to explain anything that doesnt make sense bc all I really want is advice on if im valid and allowed bc im not entirely feeling so. Love ya hope all is well. Bye