Rant Book

15

So, first off I just want to wish everyone a happy pride and I hope you're all safe and happy. There's a lot going on right now, so if you ever need a shoulder, an ear, or even a bit of advice my door is always open. This is probably going to get petty and selfish really quick, so this is your formal warning. This is me complaining about something that really only affects me and a small group of people and that's not what needs to be talked about right now. But what can I say, I'm a selfish bitch and y'all just don't seem to notice.

I don't know if I've talked about it on here, but I'm in this program that is letting me get my associates at 19 for free instead of going forward with my junior and senior year as planned. Or at least I was.

My first year went great and I got quite a bit farther than most. And by farther I'm talking they don't expect the kids in the program to start college classes until their 2nd year and I had 17 college credits by the end of my first. I poured my everything into this program because I know what an amazing opportunity this program is for kids like me who can't afford college on their own. My lowest grade was a B and I don't think there's a college in Michigan that hasn't sent me multiple emails. Sorry, I know I'm bragging but nobody reads these anyway and it feels nice to talk my success. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable I'll get back on topic.

So earlier today (yesterday technically) I got a message from one of my friends who is also in the program. I guess she had been talking to our other friend about a call they had gotten about the program being cut. Naturally I was confused because I hadn't heard anything and suggested that maybe the summer classes said friend was taking were cancelled for some reason while I emailed the superintendent of the program and trying to find the email Rachel was talking about. I couldn't find it in the bottomless pit that is my inbox so I asked her to send me the email. Well she sends me an article and a screenshot of an email she received from her mentor, the English teacher for the program. Basically, Ionia pulled out of the program because it was costing them too much money and they were afraid it was going to affect their statistics (they also cut the preschool program for the district, which (ironically) will worsen the statistics anyway bc it's been proven that kids that attend preschool succeed more later on in their academic life). Apparently it was a unanimous vote from the school board because only 6 of the 19 Ionian kids in the program had "satisfactory" grades.

So now the future I've been working so hard towards since I applied for the program has just been shattered without a thought towards how it's going to affect me and my friends. I'm so fucking tired of Ionia and if Mrs. Tripp can't get the school of choice thing to work I'm not going back there. I'll move in with my mom and drive to Wayland for school. Do I really look like a person that gives a fuck right now. No one can stop me, I have a job to pay for gas, I'm getting my permit soon, and my grandma is selling me her car. Jon can't stop me, he'll try but I've made my peace with him leaving me again when I ultimately get tired of putting myself on the sidelines so he can tote around the fact that the court chose him and worry more about that than my happiness and mental well-being.

I cried for the first time in a while, well regarding my own selfish reasons for crying that is. I've cried a lot watching videos and educating myself for the things I stand for. Anyway. I cried in front of my mom and Kyle. While driving back from my sisters house. Do you know how broken I have to be for that to happen? Me? The person whose body literally forces them to smile when I'm about to break in front of someone? On a side note, do you know how often I got yelled at for that? I literally can not control it and yet I got the whole "Oh so you think this is funny?" from every member of my family at some point in my life. It's such a stupid reason to cry. Oh boo hoo, poor Kaitlyn can't be special anymore. Oh boo hoo, poor Kaitlyn gets pulled from a program only 19 kids from a high school of roughly 600 students, lets play weep for her. But even knowing that doesn't make me less angry, less devastated, less heart broken. Though I've always known I'm a selfish fraud, I guess you do too.