Rant Book

12

Do you ever feel empty?

I try so hard not to sometimes that I convince myself I actually feel something. And I know I'm being stupid because I'm nothing special or worth anyone's time or attention. Yet, so many people waste their time with me. It doesn't make sense. Then again, what does. Maybe I've just convinced everybody that I'm worth giving a shit about. I'm sorry if that's one of you reading this. This Isn't meant to be read, its just easier to write it down so I can feel like someones listening. I know that's selfish, but that's what I am. I take without giving and I always want more. More of things I can't have or don't deserve.

I just. I want to apologise to everyone. I've been such a shit person my whole life and yet I continue to convince people I'm worth caring about and there are people who actively seek me out. Like what the hell, why? Time is precious, everyone has so little. Why waste it on someone as undeserving as me? I'm truly curious. People say I'm all these great things but that just shows they don't know me. If you knew the real me you wouldn't waste two seconds thinking about me or my feelings. And honestly, its better that way. Everyone's life would improve tremendously if they stopped thinking about me. I'm only worth what I can give people and that isn't much. Sure I know how the brain works, kind of. So I can tell you why you might be having certain problems and I can try to help fix them. But my selfishness gets in the way all the time. I avoid what I can't help and I hurt people in the process. I'm not worth caring about, but the twisted selfishness inside me is still glad some do. So, I'm going to apologise once more because no one deserves the burden that is me. Have a good night/morning/afternoon.