I'm Sorry 2 // 5sos sister

58. Scared and Confused and a Change

** Sorry it took so long for an update guys. School is hectic. **

I paced around the room frantically as the thoughts of cutting and suicide ran through my head taunting me.  I clutched my head and tried to think about other things, but there was nothing that I could think about.  My memories were gone except for the horrible thoughts.  The doctor and the boy with the dark hair, Calum I think, came into the room and saw that I was having a anxiety attack. They helped me onto the bed and Calum wrapped his arms around me pulling me into his chest.  I cried into his shirt as he rubbed my back.  I heard him tell the doctor to just give us a minute.

"Hey, are you ok?  Do you want me to stay with you for the brain scan and blood work?  If not I could go get Ashton or Michael or something."  He said to me.  I shook my head no as I hid my face in my shirt and told him that I wanted him to stay with me.  I definitely didn't want to be alone with a bunch of doctors especially because of the thoughts that were just running through my head.  He picked me up bridal style and carried me down the hall to the room where I would have the scan done.  He put me down onto the bed thing and the doctor told me that I would have to be completely still or else they would have to give me anesthesia, and I didn't want to have to have that.  

"Ok Jess, just lay back, close your eyes, and try and stay as still as possible.  This will take about half an hour."  The doctor said to me as her and Calum both left the room and I closed my eyes.  I fought to stay awake and not fall asleep.  I counted the time until the scan would be over.  I felt the machine turn off and the door to the room open again.  "Ok you're done.  You can go to the room, put your clothes back on, and then you are free to leave."  

I got up from the bed and Calum was there to walk back with me.  "So when we get back, I know you probably won't remember much, but Ashton and I already got you another room since you were sleeping with Michael."  Calum explained to me.  i would sleep with Michael?  Man, was I slut or something?  

"Oh, ok, thank you."  I went into the room and saw that a pair of sweatpants and a big sweatshirt.  I was guessing that one of the guys had brought me them since all I had was jeans and a some tank top.  I threw the clothes on and walked out of the room and into the lobby.  When I got there, I saw the guys, and a group of women with them.  Calum came over to me and offered his hand which I took.  I saw a glint of something in Michael's eye.  Was he mad at me for something?  Maybe I had done something before I got knocked out.  I walked out with Calum close next to me and we got into a car.  That's when I noticed all the girls and the cameras around us.  Calum just pulled me into his side and shielded me from all the flashes and yells of the girls.  Some of them were asking what's wrong and others were being very mean.  I could tell that the guys were worried about me because they would look at me everytime a girl said something.  

I was so confused, why do they hate me so much?  Did I do something wrong?  Maybe that's why I cut so many times.  I deserved it.  I started to cry into Calum so he just tried to comfort me the best that he could.  I saw Ashton looking at me from the front mirror.  He did look like me.  I guess he is my brother.  I started to twirl my hair, I do it whenver I'm upset or I'm tired.  I noticed the pink was a very light color and I didn't like it very much.  "Hey Calum, can I dye my hair again?"  I asked him as I sat up slightly.  

"Yeah, sure.  We can stop by the store now.  Hey Ash can you stop at that one beauty store with all the hair dye?"  Calum asked Ashton.  Ash agreed and he drove us to a small store and Calum and I hopped out of the car and went inside.  He guided me over to the hairdye section and I was immediately drawn to a light blue on the shelf.  I grabbed it and showed it to Calum and he agreed that it would look amazing.  We bought a bleaching kit and the dye and went back out to the car.  

Ashton turned around to look at me and asked, "What color did you get?"  I pulled out the blue hair dye and handed it to him so he could look at the color.  He eventually handed it back to me and told me it would look amazing.  We pulled up to a really big hotel and Calum intertwined our fingers again as we walked into the building.  He handed me a key card and we all got into the elevator.  My room was right next to his so I felt a little bit more at ease.  I don't remember anything and the other guys haven't really tried to talk to me or anything.  

"Hey Calum can you help me with my hair?"  I asked him as we got off the elevator and walked to where our rooms were.  I saw him turn to Michael but quickly looked back at me and said yes.  Hopefully this change would help me.

**** Ok so its really boring right now and yada yada yada but its going to get a lot better kind of like it did in the first book so yeah :) vote and comment and yeah ****