Have You Ever Had a Hamburger?

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Mr

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Mr. Gold (Rumplestiltskin) to Belle: You must leave because, despite what you hope, I'm still a monster (Broken).

An hour before sunrise, Charming pulled up at the side of Mr. Gold, Pawnbroker and Antiquities Dealer and drew his gun. When Belle had called about seeing a light that hadn't been on earlier, he'd rolled his eyes but dragged himself from bed to take a look. He'd felt the likelihood was slim that any Storybrooke citizen would risk death-or worse-from whatever protective curses the wizard was rumored to have cast on his shop. But investigating 911's was his job.

Then, on drive-by, Charming had seen a spooky purple light seeping out the gaps in the blinds on the side door. That had put a whole different spin on the matter. Whoever had broken in was wielding magic-maybe that evil sorceress Cora that Henry's netherworld friend had warned him about just a few hours before. She was trying to reach Storybrooke. Perhaps she'd succeeded.

Charming approached the eerily glowing door by sidling along the wooden wall-something he'd seen earlier that evening on a cop reality show. If the perpetrator had magic, then his best bet was the element of surprise. He stopped, raised his leg, and aimed his boot heel just below the knob. One, two, three, kick!

The frame splintered, and the door slammed against the inside wall. Charming darted inside, aiming his Berretta with both hands. Across the room, he saw Rumplestiltskin seated at his work table, illuminated by a ball of fire poised to be thrown.

For a moment, they stared at each other. Then Charming saw the shock on Rumplestiltskin's face relax into a sardonic grin.

"Please don't shoot, dearie. I can't be harmed, but I'd hate to ruin another suit."

I wish he'd stop calling me dearie. When the wizard snuffed out his fireball, Charming lowered his pistol. "Uh, someone called in they'd seen a suspicious light. Then when I noticed the purple glow..." Whatever was making it was shining up at Rumplestiltskin from his work table, creating ridges and shadows on his face like an imp's mask.

"True love does look rather fiendish when it's put on display," the wizard said.

So that's what that is, Charming thought. Purple passion potion.

He swung the cracked door shut as best he could. Stepping closer to Rumplestiltskin, he ran his eyes over the collection of bottles standing on the work table. A dark brown sludge filled six of them. Two others contained gray goo that occasionally shimmered as silver fibers snaked through. The final four glowed purple. Any doubt he was viewing magic was dispelled by the pairs of golden fibers dancing inside each vial.

"That's all twelve," Charming said. "You mean half the matches were duds?"

"They're your friends." Rumplestiltskin began pointing out purple bottles. "Abigail and Frederick, Rapunzel and Flynn, Ivan and Helene-all positive. By accident, I mixed up two of the other couples, but it turned out that the wife of one is positive for the husband of the other."

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