Silenced

Chapter 33

**Trigger Warning**

Cassy decided to wait until tomorrow to break up with Jason. Thomas had texted after our conversation and asked if he could come over to make sure I was alright. I talked him down from a movie. Instead we were going on a pick-nick.

"Oh man..." Thomas said as I met him outside. "Your hangover must be brutal."

I blinked in surprise but nodded. My headache was back and I had been foolish enough to decline a second set of medication. I felt even worse knowing that I looked terrible on top of everything else.

'Where are we going?' I typed into my phone. He was leading us away from his truck.

"You'll see." He said with a smirk.

We walked around to the back of the pack house. He had set up a picknick blanket. My eyes widened as I took in the flowers and candles he had placed around to make it look pretty. He gestured for me to sit down on the blanket and joined me on the opposite side. He reached into the basket and pulled out some sandwiches. He handed one to me followed by a bag of chips and some juice. I gave a thankful smile and decided to sip the juice slowly. I couldn't eat the chips yet with my throat healing but it was all a very cute gesture.

"So..." He said carefully. "I wanted to ask about last night and the other day..." He paused to chew his sandwich as he thought about his next words. "Whenever I try to kiss you, you kind of freak out, I was hoping we could talk about it."

I knew the conversation would come up eventually but I hadn't expected it to be so early on in our pick-nick. I set my juice down as I tried to figure out what to say.

"I know you went through it before you came here I just don't know exactly what you went through. It might help us if you could tell me some of what happened." He said.

'What do you know?' I typed out.

"That's just it Rylan, I don't know anything. Everyone knows more than me." He said.

'I'm not really sure how much you want to know...' I typed. I did though. I knew that he wanted some information that I didn't want to share. I wasn't sure how much he was expecting. I didn't even know where to start.

"Well what did you tell Alpha Brogan?" He asked.

'That there was a rogue attack that caused me to lose my rank and wolf.' I typed.

"But that's not all he knows, obviously, the way he handled your panic attack the other day was... He knows exactly what's going on. Doesn't he?" He said. I could see the reddish tent slowly creeping up his neck and face. He was getting angry with me.

'That is all I've told them. That and...' I paused. I couldn't bring myself to say it.

"And?" He pressed.

I shook my head. I could feel it in the pit of my stomach that telling him would ruin everything.

"Damn it Rylan!" He said making me jump. "Why the hell won't you trust me... What did I do?"

'You haven't done anything wrong. I'm afraid to tell you what happened because I don't want you to treat me differently.' I typed out. He glared at the phone for a moment before shaking his head.

"So you won't tell me but you will tell them?" He asked.

'I just don't care what they think as much as I care what you think?' I typed.

"Really?" He asked. "Not even Silas."

I gulped and shook my head.

'Why would you think that?' I typed.

"Maybe because the only people you don't flinch from are Aaron and Silas..." He said.

'I'm sorry about that. I am trying to work on it...' I typed.

"You know what..." He sighed. He suddenly grabbed my foot and tugged so that I was laying flat on the blanket. His hands pinned mine and before I could move or realize what was going on his mouth covered mine. The chest pain and over whelming panic were instant.

~I couldn't breathe. His hand over my mouth and nose as he slammed into me made that impossible. The world was blurring. He didn't even feel my struggles this time. I was to weak and frail. I'd lost a lot of blood a few days ago. Today was my first day conscious again. Before I could pass out I felt the burn of him spilling inside me. His semen mixed with the blood running down my limp legs. He stilled a moment. Raking his hand down my back he drew blood with his nails but I didn't care. It was the least of the pain he'd caused so far. He leaned down licked the trail of blood. His saliva burned on my skin.

"You taste sweet." He said. I could feel him harden again inside me. My stomach rolled sickly with the realization it was going to be one of those visits. I attempted to stand, to get away from him even if only for a second. My legs wouldn't hold me. He laughed coldly at my frail attempts and grabbed a handful of my hair before starting again.~ 

The sudden feeling of cold water pulled me back and I sat up with a scream stuck in my throat. I burst into tears almost immediately. I barely managed to take in that Matthew was the one leaning over me and I was in the kitchen.

"You're ok..." Matthew said. "Do you know where you are?" Matthew asked. I nodded through my tears and raged breathing.

"That's good... It means you know no one here is going to hurt you. Yes?" I nodded again. It was getting harder and harder to breathe already.

"Alright. I want you to hold your breath and count to six. Ready?" Matthew said. "Hold it. One... Two... Three... Four... Five... Six... Breathe out. One... Two... Three... Four... Five... Six... Good. Breathe in. Hold it. One... Two... Three... Four... Five... Six... Breathe out." Matthew continued his calm counting for what felt like several minutes. Before I knew it I was breathing slowly and Matthew was quiet. I raised my eyes to look at him. He was watching me calmly with his assessing eyes.

"What happened?" He asked. I could tell from his tone it was a medical question as well as a psychological one. Someone handed him a white board but I didn't have the energy to look up and see who.

'Thomas tried to kiss me and I blacked out.' I wrote.

"Are you fucking serious? What the hell is your problem? Obviously, she doesn't want your tongue in her fucking mouth which you should have learned the last time you tried and she had a damn panic attack!" Aaron yelled making me jump. My breath caught and my chest tightened painfully again.

"Take it outside." Matthew said incredulous. I looked up in time to see Aaron shove Thomas toward the front door.

'He didn't do anything!' I wrote. Tears had rushed back to my eyes.

"Thomas is a big boy. He will be fine. My concern right now is you. You are not counting." Matthew said. It was getting hard to breathe again. I gritted my teeth and held my breath. He was right. I wasn't through this panicked feeling yet.