His Nanny

14. Dealing with the past

Sophia's POV:

I walk to the front door and stand there for a few seconds just collecting my thoughts. I didn't turn FaceTime off incase things got out of hand and so Adam could phone the police.

"Joe please go away. You've had too much to drink and you need to go home to sleep it off." I sound stern but I know theres a slight edge to my voice.

"No! I'm not leaving this time. I'm stone cold sober and I want you back. I'm not leaving until you hear me out Sophia. You're going through a lot with your mum and I can help you."

I pace the doorway a few times before I just lose it.

"No, you know what, just no! You had your chance, we were together for a year when you thought it would be a better idea to cheat on me for four months of that year. You treated me like a fool and I hate you for it. How dare you come back and say that I need you! I don't need anyone! I've got through everything with my mum on my own and goddammit I did a good job! Now I suggest you leave before I phone the police for harassment." Wow! Who knew I had it in me?

"Don't play tough Sophia. It doesn't suit you. You and I both know that your a ticking time bomb. A day will come when you'll just cry for hours and no one but me will be able to stop it."

How dare he! That happened once and it was because I had just lost my grandmother. If only I'd known at the time that he was actually leaving me to go to her and not to work.

"You asshole! You have no idea how much I regret that day in so many different ways. I lost someone who was like a mother to me and you helped me for all of half an hour before dashing off to your mistress! Do you know how horrible that is? You wouldn't know what love was if it slapped you across the face. Now, last chance; get off my property, get out of my life and stay the hell away from me. You have exactly one minute to leave before I'm phoning the police."

I'm furious. I know this won't last long and I will eventually break. I think I only have one minute left in me before the tears come. I've kept them away for so long but today the flood gates opened and I don't think I can keep them away anymore.

"Fine! I'll be back Sophia! This isn't over!"

I watch him leave through the peep hole and my breath comes rushing out of my lungs. I did it, he's gone.

I stumble into the living room and the first thing I see is Adams eyes. They look concerned and it kills me. I can feel my heart start to break and it's the only thing driving me forward and pushing me to hit the end call button. He's about to say something when the screen closes on my laptop. He heard it all, I could tell.

I pull myself together slightly and do a lock check of the house before taking myself to bed with my phone. I've had enough for one day. As I pull the duvet back, I feel my phone vibrate in my hand. It's Adam trying to FaceTime. I can't deal with him right now. He probably wants to tell me I'm too damaged for him or he can't have this much drama around Elsie, and right now, I just can't hear it.

I curl up on my side and just let the flood gates open. I know I'll regret this in the morning when my eyes are all puffy and sore but for now I just needed it.

Each sob rakes through me and it's painful to even breathe. How long have I held this in for? I broke up with Joe five months ago and didn't even cry over it.

Maybe I am broken.

Who do you take yourself to if you're broken? It's not like there's a repair shop for this.

My phone rings once again and starting to annoy me now. Can't he just leave me for tonight and make me feel worse tomorrow.

My only resolve is to text him and ask for some time to myself.