His Nanny

1. Meeting the Surgeon

Picture of Dr. Ross above 🥰

I sat outside the large office of a Dr. Ross, waiting to find out more information about my mothers condition. My hands were clammy and I could feel the knots in my stomach twisting and twisting, slowly pushing the nausea to the back of my throat.

My mother sat next to me, a nervous wreck on the inside but the outside was completely void of any form of emotion. She looked completely fine in her surroundings but I knew better.

My thoughts drifted back to four weeks before when we sat in another doctors office being told that all the scans, tests and the biopsy my mother had endured, proved that she in fact had lung cancer.

I remember the day as though it were yesterday. Originally my mother had gone to the doctors with a chesty cough that wouldn't go away. Luckily, our family doctor was brilliant and didn't waste any time before sending her straight for a chest x-ray. Two days later I received a phone call from my mother, asking if I would come with her to see the doctor after I finished in work.

I was a twenty-five year old nursery teacher. My whole life was dedicated to my children and I whole heartedly loved my job. When I took that phone call I hadn't expected to be sitting in a small office hours later with a doctor I'd known my whole life tell me they need to do further tests on my mother to identify the shadow that had presented itself on bottom lobe of my mothers lung.

After weeks of doctors appointments and trying to encourage my mother to talk about what was happening, we finally sat in another office with a lung specialist telling us the news. To say it didn't go down well with my mother was an understatement.

When the word 'cancer' left the specialists mouth, my mother up and left the room without a word. My heart shattered into a million pieces in that moment but my reaction and emotions to the subject needed to remain in tact and hidden if I was going to get my mother through this.

Thankfully there was a nurse about to walk in and support the specialist when my mother left. She was able to calm my mother and help her back into the room when she was ready. I'm ashamed to say that I sat there in the chair I was already seated in and just stared at the scene before my body kick started and I went to help my mother. When she sat down to listen once again, the tears fell faster than I'd though possible from her doe like brown eyes. Eyes I had inherited from her.

When the door in front of my eyes opened I shook my head back to reality and back to the present. I peaked at my mother and held her hand reassuringly, giving it a quick squeeze before standing and walking into the office.

Even the thought of her listening to this made me want to swap places with her and take everything off her shoulders. I worried about her not being strong enough to come out of this but I knew with every fibre of my body that I was going to help ease the process as best as possible. If it was even possible at all.

When we sat down on the comfortable chairs provided, I dug my hands into my bag and pulled out the note pad and pen I had pre-packed. I had learnt that it was impossible to retain the amount of information doctors and specialists reel off in one sitting and was better to write it all down for me to digest it later. It also helped with being able to explain things better to family and my mother herself.

My thoughts drifted over to my poor father who was struggling with the news just as much as my mother. He loved her endlessly and couldn't see a life without her. Due to his work, he couldn't be there for all of her appointments and when he wanted to ask for time off to go, my mother refused to let him.

"Good morning Mrs Daniels, my name is Dr. Ross. I'd say it's a pleasure to meet you but I don't really want to have anyone sitting in the chair you're currently in. In an idealistic world, there wouldn't be anybody in your situation but unfortunately we are here and having to have a very hard conversation. I understand this might be a lot for you to take in and I also respect that you may need time to process and ask your questions."

The doctor sitting at the desk looked to be in his late twenties to early thirties. I was shocked to see such a young doctor and instantly started to panic about my mothers life being in his hands. I paid very close attention to his words but also my mothers reactions. I knew she could be a flight risk now and needed to be prepared for her departure at any point during this meeting.

We sat and listened intently to the information the doctor rattled off and came to realise that he was definitely the surgeon who was going to be removing the section of my mothers lung. After being shown picture after picture of my mothers lungs, she had clearly had enough. I was scribbling notes on my pad when she stood up and everyone in the room froze.

"Mrs Daniels, I understand this is hard for you to hear-"

My mothers head snapped up and she stared at the doctor with so many emotions flickering through her eyes.

"Unless you have ever experienced what I'm going through you couldn't possibly understand Doctor. You might be used to explaining how the procedure works and how long you expect me to be in recovery but you can never pretend to understand what it's like to hear it. My mind is racing with how to handle the constant fear. My heart hurts to watch my daughter give up a job she's worked so hard for just to be there for me and get me through this. My husband looks at me with nothing but pity and worry and yet I can't bring myself to even let him be here with me because I don't want him to hurt anymore. I didn't have a say about Sophia. She wouldn't take no for an answer and if I'm honest, I don't think I'd have a clue what was happening if it wasn't for her." My mother looked me in the eyes and I fought harder than ever to stop the tears that had pooled in them from falling over the edge.

"Sophia, I'm so sorry. I can't listen to this. I need some air. I'm going to go and stand by the car. Stay and ask your questions and meet me when you're satisfied." My mouth opened and closed as she walked swiftly from the room, shutting the door behind her on the way.

"I'm so very sorry for my mothers behaviour. Please understand that it's not like her character-" I was in full rant mode when the doctor held up his hand with a sympathetic smile on his face.

"Please, Sophia was it?" I nodded my head slowly, unsure of where he's about to go with this. "Its not the first time its' happened and I'm sure it won't be the last time. I know that I've not experienced cancer for myself but I am aware that everyone takes the news differently and any reaction at the moment it better than no reaction."

I just stared at him at a loss for words. He was being very kind but I just wanted to leave the room and check on my mother. I hope she did walk to the car as she said.

"Im glad to hear that. If I'm honest, its the first response she's had about the whole thing. Usually she just sits there in silence while I scribble my notes and ask the questions. I was wondering when she would snap." I give a shy smile to the doctor and looked back to my notes. I noticed that there was a question that had bothered me at the start of this meeting and I know that if I did't ask him now then I might never.

"Please don't take this as an insult Dr. Ross but I am slightly concerned about your age." When I finally had the courage to look up into his eyes, I noticed there was a small smile playing on his lips before he wiped it and replaced it with a serious expression.

"My...age? You have a question about my age?"

"Again. I don't mean to insult you but I'm concerned that you're a little young to be performing such a serious surgery on my mother. I was just expecting someone with a great deal of experience under their belt and I guess I'm concerned that something might go wrong." I look passed his face and stare at wall behind his head. I can't look at him. Ive just completely insulted his competency in medicine and I have the audacity to still be sitting in his office.

"Sophia, I have many years of experience behind my belt don't worry. I might only be thirty-one but I was a little ahead of others in my year and graduated a couple of years earlier than others. I completely understand where you're coming from and I want you to feel comfortable with the surgeon operating on your mother. I have done this surgery two hundred and eleven times and although no patient is the same, I am very confident that your mother will be able to come out the surgery smoothly."

I stared into his deep brown eyes and tried to read the man in front of me. I couldn't understand why but after a short minute I uttered words that surprised both him and myself.

"Ok Doctor. I trust you."