5am Start

Immune

"Sometimes in life you have to go though the worst to get to the best."

"Mom please" I said letting out a sob.

"I'm not even started with you young man" she said lighting two candles

"I'm sorry" I said as I choked on my saliva.

"You're sorry?" She asked placed the burning candles on my back, "Sorry won't bring back your father"

Tears began rolling down my cheeks. I was used to this but I don't know this time felt more painful, maybe because the knife marks she made on my back were still fresh or maybe because I still didn't understand why she did this to me.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked her as she continued with the candles

I learned not to scream anytime she hurt me because it was as if no one heard my cries. Not even God.

So why didn't anyone come to my rescue?

I am sure he would have saved e if he did, right?

My neighbours had given up on me, my family had given up on me, the world had given up on me, even God had given up on me.

I thought when He said "I'll never leave you nor forsake you" I was included but then I was wrong. I had also learned to give up on them and on God.

I forgot all my dad's teaching about God because they stopped working when he died. I stopped believing because no one cared, not even God.

"You killed your father, that's why" she lighted another candle and passed the fire over my back.

I didn't even realise the first candle had died out. I was now immune to the pain she inflicted on me. I stopped feeling the very day I stopped believing.

"He was shot madre" I cried.

I cried not because she was hurting me but because I wouldn't be able to go to school the next day.

She hurt my back constantly because she said i could cover them with my shirt but then again I had swimming training and I couldn't swim with my shirt on so I had to give up swimming with the team because of this.

I found a secluded waterfall and stream not too far from town so I went there with Rashid after school. We went once in a while, then it became our everyday habit. Martina would punish me for coming home late by using a knife to pierce my wrists. Rashid then suggested that we go swimming before school ended so I could go home the usual time to avoid Martina's abuse.

That's how we were seen as the school's bad boys. We would usually skip school and go swimming at our spot.

They didn't know what was actually happening, and they never bothered asking. Not that I was going to tell them anyway. They were stupid for tagging us.

I didn't care how people branded me because I was doing something I loved with someone I cared a lot about and who cared about me too. Rashid said he also wasn't bothered as long as he was with me. This is some real friend.

"He wouldn't have been shot if you hadn't gone after that stupid dog" she spat

"I already said I'm sorry"

"Your sorry wouldn't bring him back"

"I thought you loved me" I sniffled

"Yeah I did, before you killed your father"

"I thought I am your hijo"

"Yeah you were, before you killed your father "

"I didn't kill him" I yelled

"Yes you did, you fool, you're a murderer " she spat and smiled wickedly.

"No, no "

"Yes, yes"

It's been two years since dad died and since then, she always told me I was a murderer but then this time I felt different. The words hit me like I'd been hit by a train.

I wanted to just cower till I died, there was no reason for living anymore. This time her words made me give up on myself and on life. Surprisingly I wanted death.

Maybe because there was peace in death and at least I wouldn't have to see her face anymore. I was already emotionally dead so what's there again to feel?
I felt death would reconnect me with my dad but then also I didn't want to see him again.

He gave up on me, he didn't even fight to live, he died just like that.

I wanted her to free me from this world, so I thought of something to provoke her so I said screaming,

"Dad also never loved you, there's this woman he used to see a lot and they used to do it in your room anytime she came over "

I got her, my words got her

She paled and then getting restless she screamed, "Fuck you" pushed the bed she had tied me to on the floor and I hit my head against the floor.

I passed out.