HIS BELLA - the sequel

Chapter 21

WADE'S POV

Seven days

Fourteen hours

And nearly 45 minutes

Without Bella.

I had been drowning in misery since she left. Everything reminded me of her from the sheets she slept in while she was here to the red shirt she forgot while she was packing in haste, with tears welling up in her eyes. It lay on the desk in front of me. The windows had been closed shut, the blinds pulled to prevent natural light from seeping into the study. It had been this way since she left. I had no zeal to move, no motivation to do anything other than drown myself in bottles after bottles of alcohol and stare at that shirt, trying to picture what she would look like if she were here, wearing it.

A big part of me hoped that she would realise she forgot it and come back for it. It would be a stupid reason to come back considering it was the only thing she left but a man can hope, can't he? I wanted to see her, to hug her and tell her that I was sorry for being a fool, tell her the truth about the death of our child and hope that she won't blame me as much as I blamed myself.

I was being so dumb. Of course, she would blame me.

I was an asshole like Michael Grace had been to my mom. Choosing the gang over the woman you claim you love. Not like I exactly did, but I was still here and Bella wasn't. I asked her to leave and she did. I did that all by myself, while I was of sound mind and right sense so why did it kill me so much to think about it now?

I brought the bottle in my hand to my lips and took nearly all of its remaining content in one big gulp. The big clock on the wall made a loud click. It had now been Seven days.

Fifteen hours.

And a couple of seconds.

Without Bella.

If it would ever get better, I don't really know.

There was a knock at the door and when I didn't answer, it got louder. Sometimes, Megan or Axel or anyone really would come knocking and I would just sit and not answer them. The door was locked, they couldn't do anything but knock and leave when they got tired. I knew how worried they probably were but I just needed some time alone.

No, I needed a whole lot of time alone.

The door opened up immediately and I hissed at the exposure to light from the hallway that I was getting.

"Oh my God, Wade", that was Megan's voice. How did she get in here?

She hurried to each window and opened it quickly. I groaned loudly at the increasing exposure I was getting and dropped the bottle of alcohol on the desk.

"What the fuck are you doing?", I snapped.

"Making sure you don't fucking kill yourself. Are you crazy? What the fuck is wrong with you?!", She asked angrily.

I lost the love of my life Megan, what do you think?

"How did you even get in here?", I looked up at her. She was standing not too far away from the desk, staring at me and shaking her head at my vulnerability.

"I found a spare key in the basement. You've been in here for days. You haven't eaten. You haven't had a shower. Are you trying to kill yourself?"

I did eat. I mean I found a couple of granola bars in one of the drawers in the desk and ate them. I don't know if that counts as food, but I was lacking so much appetite, it didn't even matter.

And there was a small bathroom in the study so I would have had a shower if I wanted to but I didn't anymore after the third day.

I wonder maybe If I actually died then Bella would be safe and she won't have to suffer so much

It seems like a good idea right now.

I tried to grab the bottle in front of me but Megan hurriedly did before me.

"No no, you are not having another drop of alcohol again. You can't keep doing this to yourself", she said.

"I'm not doing anything to myself"

"You're hurting yourself because Bella isn't here"

My heart ached when I heard Bella's name. It sounded different from the way I had been hearing it in my head for the past few days.

"She's gone Megan"

"Because you chased her away"

"I know and it's because she's better off if she stays away"

"If you know that what you're doing is to keep her safe then why are you sulking over it"

"Because it hurts to have her away and angry with me"

"Then talk to her and tell her the truth"

"That's not an option either"

It really wasn't.

I stood up to close the door she so disrespectfully left open.

"Wade", she said, "maybe Bella would be better off if she knew the truth"

"No", I shook my head as I closed the door.

"Just..."

"You didn't see the look in her eyes when she gave me those pregnancy test results Meg", I could feel my voice cracking with pain, "she was so happy. She was hoping I would be happy too. It was our one chance to finally have something real and normal. It was my chance to give her something different and I couldn't. Everytime I'm in Bella's life, she gets hurt and I go unscathed"

"Wade, she has stood by you through it all. You left her for all those years. You sent someone to shoot a guy down in front of her and traumatized her"

"Because of me, she was kidnapped and so was her mom in less than 72 hours. Her supposed boyfriend was dating her just to get to me. You see how messy Bella's life when I'm in it?"

"She has stood by you through it all. You nitwit", she said again.

I sighed. She was right but it didn't make a difference.

"All of that still doesn't compare to this"

I took my seat behind the desk and grabbed the shirt in front of me, burying my face in it and inhaling Bella's scent. It was like she was here. She smelled so nice and pure. I couldn't quite put a name to it but I was addicted to her scent.

Megan took her seat opposite the desk and watched me. "Well, instead of sitting here and blaming yourself, maybe you should get rid of the real problem here"

I raised my head and looked up at her, "what are you talking about?"

"While you were sulking and basically killing yourself in here. We found out where those bastards are", she had a wicked look on her face.

"What?", I dropped the shirt. She had my attention now.

"How about we get you some closure boss?", She asked, "you're still the boss, you know"

I was.

"I need closure"

"With the bastards who took your child away"

"Yes"

"So we know where they are, what's next?"

I looked around the room, at the big clock on the wall, at the bottle of alcohol in front of Megan, at the pieces of glass from a bottle I angrily threw at the wall, on the floor in one corner of the room and then at Bella's red shirt.

Red like blood.

Like the blood of the people who took away our child.

I looked up at Megan and took a deep breath. No more depressingly drinking and thinking about what I could have done to prevent all of this from happening. It was time to do something now that this was actually happening.

"We kill them all"

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