Jimothy:
You fake ass hoe, how dare you abandon me at Jaebum's party?
Consider this friendship canceled
Mr. Crabs:
I'm sorry, but who is this?
***
A crackhead Instagram AU where Namjoon is a laidback idol, and Jimin is a fanboy that just so happens...
Jimothy Mine, and don't leave me again I got lonely :(
Mr.Crabs Sorryyy
Jimothy Okay, what is your favorite smell?
Mr.Crabs Hmmmm I really like the smell of fresh rain... I also like floral scents and just, really subtle ones. I have a really sensitive nose and a good sense of smell, so manufactured scents give me headaches. Any manufactured vanilla that isn't vanilla extract for cooking hurts my soul I also hate any cupcake shit, like, stop
And whenever stories are all like, "he smelled of vanilla and cinnamon I gag a little
Jimothy Wow, I did not expect such a detailed response
Mr.Crabs Sorry :(
Jimothy It's okay princess
Mr.Crabs SKSKSKS I really should be the one canceling you
Jimothy But I'm so fun And I like the smell of old books
Mr.Crabs ...true Okay, what are some pet peeves?
Jimothy People making fun of my height High key triggers me Also, people, making fun of my kinks and assuming shit about my preferences
Mr.Crabs Relatable Okay, people telling me that I'm a sellout and when asshats come for my friends Like, who gave you the right? Also, hoes that tailgate me when I am literally going 20 miles above the speed limit I slow down just for them and watch them get triggered
Jimothy Wow, still so feisty
Mr.Crabs Okay, this is probably about to get hella awkward, but kinks?
Jimothy Wow, this is pretty soon, but um, get ready
Mr.Crabs Yes sir
Jimothy SKSKSK Alright Um I love oral, like, giving it more so than receiving it. I need to have things in my mouth I like being called daddy and sir I like bondage and choking I like being in control way too much I like calling my partner very um, crude language Edging Overstimulation Etc
Mr.Crabs ...
Jimothy Too much?
Mr.Crabs I like degradation
Jimothy SKSKS
Mr.Crabs But I also like praise And being called baby boy/princess/etc I like breath play and bondage Umm rimming I'mblushingsomuchohmygosh I also um, like exhibitionism?
Jimothy Ohmygosh you sound amazing princess And degradation? I know that we don't have that type of relationship, but do you have one at the moment because I can totally do that sometimes
Mr.Crabs SKSKSKS No... I'm still um, a virgin with no man
Jimothy Aww poor baby
Mr.Crabs I'm blushing ohmygosh And Yoongi is looking at me funny
Jimothy Oh, I forgot how close you are to Yoongi
Mr.Crabs Yeah, him and Jeongukk and Jin
Jimothy Dang, Tae worships them and so does Hoseokie
Mr.Crabs Hoseokie?
Jimothy My other friend! He is a rapper too and an awesome dancer, he really likes y'all's little collab group
Mr.Crabs Aww, we should meet up sometime
Jimothy I'm sorry sir, but you are cancelled until further notice, that was too confrontational
Mr.Crabs :(
Jimothy Canceled
Mr.Crabs
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