Between the Spaces

Kabanata 18

Markus

Kanina pa tawag ng tawag si Sue at nagtatanong kung nasaan na ako. I did not bother answering the call because I was so busy with my me time. Nasa park ako, nakaupo sa isang swing dun at nakatanaw sa mga batang naglalaro.

I remember, I used to play with the kids at school back then. Ako yung leader eh, leader ng mga kalokohan nuon. And then Donny transferred in our school. Basta ang naalala ko, late na siyang pumasok. Siguro, nasa 2nd grading na kami when he enrolled. But since then, everyone's attention went into him.

We were secretly competing at each other even on our set of friends, but we weren't fighting, I remember he always used to have Inigo and Kyle and I had Jack with me plus Sue. Matatalino yung mga kaibigan niya, at talented, sporty. Ako naman, matatalino rin pero mga habulin ng discipline officer. Sue used to be our mediator. She was the consistent honor student na tahimik lang pero astigin.

I remember, one time, I used to be a student representative, but because my friends were constantly going in and out of the disciplines office, they have to cut short on my term dahil bad influence daw sa students. And they had Donny to replace me.

In short, I was not the best. Even sa bahay namin, I can hear my dad tell me,

"Bakit hindi mo gayahin yung anak ni Anthony? Ang bait na bata! Marunong sa lahat ng bagay. Gusto ng mga teacher!"

I used to hide behind his shadows. Which I really don't like. And I never made a move about it. Wala akong pakialam eh. This is my life. They have to deal with it.

Hanggang sa makilala ko si Kisses one time I parked my car outside a fastfood chain. She was with his dad at kalalabas lang niya galing sa loob ng fastfood chain. But instead of going straight to their car, which his dad is already waiting for her, she went to an old man sitting beside a plant nearby.

Naglabas siya ng take out food and gave it to the old guy. Definitely, that's the start of my admiration for her. Naging crush ko siya, araw araw ko siyang palihim na tinitingnan pag dumadaan siya sa lobby. We were not classmates. I was never part of the first section, kaya hanggang tingin lang ako.

One day, I decided to join the running team, which Donny was already part of. I was there not to compete but to seriously improve myself. I want to become better para pag nagkalakas ng loob na akong magpakilala kay Kisses, may maganda naman akong background na maipagmamalaki sa kanya.

"Hi, I'm Markus. Member ng running team." I pictured it out to be like that

Naging magkaibigan din kami nila Donny. But not the kind of everyday friends, but the casual ones. Nagbabatian, minsan nagkukwentuhan. I was sure it was obvious of me that I liked Kisses kase napansin yun nila Inigo, but I don't think Donny minded it. Wala naman kase siyang pakialam sa mga ganyang bagay. Madaming nagkakagusto sa kanya pero wala siyang nagugustuhan. Or, pinapakitaan ng interes. One time, may new student kami na nagka crush ng matindi kay Donny. He just laughed it off.  

Yun yung akala ko, until one day, when I was about to offer Kisses a ride, dahil umaambon na, Donny went on his way to pick her up. I was shocked. Did he liked Kisses too?

Baka hindi. Baka oo. Hindi ko alam.

That one ride became an everyday ride. One time, Kisses went on our locker room and asked if Donny was there, she was holding a box of cookies, maybe, for Donny. That afternoon after our practice, I saw that box on top of Donny's gym bag. I knew it was from Kisses. 

Kisses was my dream girl. Simple lang, mabait, sweet, matalino, tahimik, mahiyain. She was everything I prayed for. Pero baka sobra lang akong natakot, natorete, because I think too small of myself. My confession was a little bit of too late.