Fame N.H

Chapter 34

Song - your song,, Elton John.

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I was numb. I felt hollow, actually. Hollow of all physical feeling because the emotion was just so bad it sounded all of it out. I felt like someone could punch me in the face repeatidly and i wouldn't be able to feel it. My grandma Maggie was practically my best friend. We talked all the time while i was on tour and i adored her more than my own life.

"Are you okay, sweetie?" Sasha asked me.

I was quiet for a bit before hesitantly nodding. I hadn't cried as much as i probably felt like doing.

"It's okay to cry. No one is judging you." she smiled and grabbed my hand, as Paislee grabbed the other. I smiled at them with nod.

We were currently on a plane riding to Texas from France. I resceduled the rest of the dates of the tour in France and Ireland for a few a weeks from now with the help of Adam.

I had been in constant contact with Niall as he called twenty minutes after i found out and i answered sobbing. I thought back to it and shook my head at myself.

I had thrown myself into my bed, Paislee and Sasha laying next to me. Tears were going down my face in the most dramatic way possible and sobs were falling from my mouth making the worst sound possible, but i couldn't find it in myself to stop. Grandma Maggie wasn't even sick . I had talked to her almost a week ago and she looked fine - at least what i could tell through a phone screen on facetime. I had kept reminding myself to call them when the time there was reasonable but i had always ended up forgetting, getting busy, or falling asleep. How could i be that selfish and unrelient?

"You need to calm down before you pass out, Ari." Sasha tried to soothe.

My sobs were quieted and i tried my best to stop but whenever i almost stopped i just thought up another memory of my grandma and i. About how she took me to the park every Friday after she picked me up after school when my parents couldn't and how she always gave me a sucker when she saw me knowing my mom didn't like me having too much sweet stuff. That women was my practical best friend and now she's gone. The tears finally stopped, leaving my face wet, puffy and red.

My phone started ringing making me sniff and looked down at it.

'Niall Calling'

I snatched it up and answered, "Hello?" I croaked out.

If anyone could make me feel better it would be him.

"Babe? Are you okay?" he asked frantically.

"No." I sobbed, the tears starting all over again.

I couldn't even hold myself together for more than two minutes and that made me cry even more.

I hated showing my weaknesses even to the ones i love.

"What is wrong?" he panicked and i could practiaclly seem him pacing.

"M grandma Maggie, died." I hiccuped.

I heard him gasp, "Baby. I'm so sorry." he mumbled.

"I wasn't even there! I should have called her when i thought of it! I'm so fucking selfish, how could i do this?" I sobbed out.

"Babe. No. Calm down, okay? Do not say that. I know for a fact she would not want you to say that about yourself, okay?"

I sniffed and whipped some of the tears off of my face before nodding to myself.

He was right, she would have reprimanded me if she had heard me say that about myself for any other situation.