Habits

Unrealistic

Lea's POV

"If I had just texted him, he'd be alive right now."

"For the thousandth time, your dad's suicide was not your fault. Guilt took over him and sometimes, that's the only thought you have because you think it's the only way out." Brianna says while trying to calm me down.

"It sounds like your speaking from experience..." I whisper, thinking she didn't hear.

"I am speaking from experience." She shoots back.

Crap, she heard.

"You thought about suicide? When?"

"After my boyfriend died...I felt like nothing, cause he was my everything. I was so uncomfortable with going out in public cause I felt like half of my body was missing. Eventually, it got so much worse."

"How much worse?" I blurt out, idiotically.

She pulls up her sleeve to reveal barely visible cuts, from a few years ago probably.

I gasped, never in a million years would I of thought that Brianna ever would cut.

"I don't do it anymore." She whispers under her breath.

"So I assumed, they're really old by the looks of it."

"You sound like your talking from experience." She mocks.

I guess it was my turn to reveal the secret I was keeping from her.

My hands pull up the sleeve to my clearly visible mistakes. Her eyes glanced at my arm, then to my face, her eyes were full of pure regret.

She puts her arms around me but doesn't speak. She doesn't have to, I already know what she's saying: We'll get through this.

A small tear streaks down her perfect light brown skin, she was truly a beautiful girl. I guess she just never got over her boyfriend to take interest into any future suitors.

"Can we talk about something else?" She wipes the tears away from the bottom tip of her eyes, which smears a small amount of eye liner. It was barely noticeable, so I didn't point it out.

"I don't want to cry right now."

"What should we talk about?" I ask, clearly fed up with crying. I feel like that's all I do sometimes.

"I don't know...where do you want to go to college?" She questions.

"I was thinking that I want to go to college in the states, but I'm with Cory, so I'll have to figure things out."

"What college in the US?"

"UCLA, I don't know why, but it stuck out to me."

"I've been to Los Angeles, it's beautiful. You would love it."

"I'm not so sure if Cory would."

********

I woke up on the mattress that was laid out on the floor of Brianna's room. I tend to sleep over here a couple times a week.

My eyes drift up to Brianna's bed to check if she was awake, she wasn't in the bed.

The door burst open to a perky Brianna.

"Looks like someone is finally awake." She says while running a brush through her wavy hair.

"I'm not an early bird." I reply while checking a message Cory sent me about 15 minutes ago.

When do you want me to pick you up from Brianna's? -Cory

Now would be nice -Lea

Be there in 10 -Cory

I collected my things and got ready for Cory's arrival. Brianna helped me make my mattress's sheets look presentable when Cory texted me that he was outside the house.

"Thanks again for letting me sleepover!" I called right before walking out of her house and plopping myself down in the passenger seat of Cory's car.

"Hey babe, IHOP?" He asks.

"You read my mind."

After ordering our pancakes, I asked the one thing on my mind.

"Where do you want to go to college?"

His body tenses at my question, like he was about to be hit in the chest with a hammer.

"What...? College won't be happening for another year, why worry about it now?" He replies quite hollowly.

"You didn't answer the question."

"I don't know, Lea. I was thinking of just applying to UBC. It's not that far from where we are anyways."

"British Colombia? Your not even going to attempt to get into a school in the states?"

"Money is tight, plus my mom doesn't want to see me go to the US just yet."

"You should think about what you want and not what everybody else wants. Your mom can live with a video chat every week."

"What about us, would you be able to deal with a video chat once a week? " He's becoming hostile, I wasn't liking it.

"That's not what I intended for that to mean."

"Just tell me your angle. Why the sudden interest in college and what school do you have your eyes on?"

"UCLA." I say defensively.

"That's in California." He informs me.

"Yeah, and we live in Canada, keep up! We should apply together and try to get a scholarship-"

"Lea." He interrupts me quietly.

"What's this about?"

"I'm just thinking about my future, our future."

He nods his head very casually.

"UCLA might be a bit unrealistic."

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I'm sorry for giving y'all kinda crappy and long overdue chapters but my life is quickly becoming consumed by school and volleyball.

I don't get as much sleep as I used to, hence the really weird time gaps of chapters. I went from updating daily to updating weekly.

That basically means I'm a mean human being and that I'm sincerely sorry.

To make it up to you, I have juicy chapters coming up in the future;)

Sorry for any grammar mistakes, which I know I made in the last chapter but I could correct it so yolo.

Irrelevant info:

When I first started on wattpad, I didn't know what stories to read and I kinda wished that I had suggestions or something. So I'm going to give you my top 3 fav finchel fanfics and my top 3 stories that aren't finchel related but still have changed my life.

I know that that's what the reading lists are for but I have a feeling nobody looks at those😂

Finchel:

1) A Forbidden Love: A finchel story

By: finchelfanfics27

2) Hey Girlfriend

By: KellyIsAGleek

3) Will you wait for me? (There is a sequel to this)

By: AmyGleek0703

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Not Finchel, but still Flawless

1) Living With The Walker Boys (There is a sequel to this) personal favorite

By: KnightsRachel

2) My Brother's Best friend

By: KnightsRachel

3) Letters From Cody

By: 11tay99