Ulterior Motives

Chapter 8 Accidentally in Love

Natsuki's POV:

  We'd been in this club for the past week and a half, MC was weeding in on my territory, well Sayori's too, but  moreso me, he sat with Yuri side to side, their hips touching and shared a single book between them. I know he didn't mean to, but he asked Yuri if there was any good horror novels and she lent him one. Then he said that he couldn't concentrate enough to finish it and that led to this. Yuri was just too nice for her own good.

It was no fair. Why hadn't I thought of it?! Because I didn't want to read horror when my life was horror enough. I was glaring at them when Sayori came up next to me, arms behind her back.
   "Hey Nat, whatcha doing?" She sing songed enthusiastically and I sighed starting for the back closet, my box of manga balanced in my grip.

   "Putting away some stuff, the teacher said I could keep these in here." I explained as I focused on not passing out from lack of food, or low blood sugar.

"Monika is extremely focused on writing something in her journal. I don't want to bug her, she might make me do the compliment thing and I'm not prepared." She giggles  "You're busy too and so is MC and Yuri, I'm so bored Natsuki." She whined following after me as I carefully stepped into the closet...

The door is open Natsuki...
     the door isn't going to close...
...... Sayori's right here, she's not going to close you in here.... you weren't at home...
  "Natsuki are you okay?" Sayori's voice is like a tunnel, echoing off my head but it sounds far away. My hold on the box slackens.

Papa had locked me in my closet almost all weekend. This wasn't my closet. I wasn't at home. I'm not at home...
    I'm not at home.....
            I'm not at home ..
                    Not at home ....
                        No home....
                                   Home....home....
        The closet!!! Was I in my closet? Was I locked in? Trapped! My closet....walls closing in on me ...darkness everywhere...

The box slips from my grip, I hear doors locking, clicking shut. I feel my dad's rough hands choking me, pushing me into walls. Throwing me across the room. Darkness...was it darker in here?

  "Natsuki."

The walls are closing in on me, pushing me to my knees. Dropping darkness around me like a suffocatingly wet blanket.

"Natsuki! Natsuki!"

Suffocating, darkness, walls closing in around me. No way out! No way out! Trapped forever....there's no way out...no escape.

  "NATSUKI!!"

Papa's dark red eyes glow bright against the darkness, his rough hand slaps down, clenching my shoulder, trapping me, constricting me... smothering me...no no no...I can't breathe...I can't breathe....
I can't breathe....
Everything is tunneling...
My throat is constricting...
I can't see...

Soft hands frame my face, a voice very unlike my Papa's fills my ears and I whimper.
   "What?" I blink. I'm sitting against the wall of the clubroom. I wipe my cheeks, tears? Was I crying? Oh God this was so embarrassing. I look up quickly, Monika, Sayori, MC and Yuri were surrounding me in a half circle.

  "Are you okay?" Sayori started to question but I forced myself to my feet, despite the fact that I was still shaking like a Chihuahua about to piss itself.
   "Don't touch me I'm fine!" I snap and she steps back, as if I slapped her. Oh God I really was just like my Papa... I was a horrible person.

   "If you were fine you wouldn't have went into a panic attack when Sayori leaned against the closet door." MC challenged me sternly and I avoided his gaze bitterly. Is that what happened? Damn it! I was so weak and pathetic.
   "I'm fine." I snap though I'm still using the wall for support. "I'm going home." I stumble from the wall grabbing my bag.  Dark spots dance in my eyes as I shake my head.

These past days have been the best of my life, from sharing cupcakes, reading poems together, being free even if for only an hour a day. I felt like I had friends, granted I avoided Monika and Yuri because as hard as I was crushing on Yuri I still didn't trust her completely. Though she apparently trusted me, I smiled slightly thinking of our special secret.

The most interaction we had, besides that day with our secret,was the one day when we got into an argument over my and her poems. That had been a bad day...but I brought cupcakes the next day to apologise. She said they were too sweet and I had to bite my tongue. Sayori kept shoving cupcakes into my mouth everytime I opened it to say something.

  That was why my dad locked me up all weekend...I made cupcakes without his permission. I shivered as I struggled with getting my backpack on.
   "Natsuki!" Yuri is suddenly holding me up, her arms are under my armpits as she supports my weight. Had I fallen? I look to my feet, my backpack is on the floor behind us, the insides are scattered all over the place.

  "What?" I mutter in confusion and she shifts me, did she lift me up? I'm resting on the desk by the wall, so my back is against said wall and my butt is on the desk.

  "What's going on with you today?" MC demands his hands are clenched at his sides, his eyes are narrowed. My dad had been more brutal since I joined the literature club...it was getting harder and harder to keep things hidden.

  "Nothing." I muttered and he threw up his hands in annoyance.
   "That's bullshi-" Yuri gave him a hard look, he shut up.
   "Natsuki when was the last time you ate something?" She asked gently and my stomach lurched. Two days ago...I mean I've searched under vending machines and with what little coins I've found I bought cheap snacks... But a hot meal...it's been months.

  "I ate at lunch...why?" I lied feeling shaky slightly. Sayori frowned looking at me as if she had just realized something..
   "I didn't see you eat anything today... actually I don't really ever see you eating..." She whispered softly and I scowled sitting up straighter.

  "That's because I never make it through 3rd period before I eat my lunch an hour before." The lie is old and I start to slid off the desk when Monika speaks up.
   "But I'm in your third period English...you sit three seats in front of me..." I curse everything and anything for my horrible bad luck.
   "I eat more at home okay. My lunch is just some snacks." I mutter, my eyes suddenly feel heavy.

   "Natsuki." Yuri whispers softly and I slowly meet her concerned gaze. " You're shaking....even if you do eat at home will you eat something..." She whispered reaching for her backpack. That's when I caught a glimpse of the time.
   "Five thirty seven."  My eyes widen and I practically throw myself off the desk. Startling everybody in the room. " Shit My dad's gonna kill me...I have to go...bye!" Despite everything in my body tearing me in half...I continue forward. Pushing myself harder. I had to get home. I had to get home. I left my backpack and everything else, but none of that matters, if I'm late getting home I'm done for.

My vision tunnels and my legs give out. I hear Sayori and MC crying my name.

To be continued....

I had chapters 6-8 pre written and so I decided to just publish them all throughout today, sorry for spamming you guys