My Exact Opposite | Jachary AU

25

This is kind of triggering for people with depression, but maybe you can relate because I wrote this. IDK. 

Also writing really helps me when I feel like I'm trapped inside my head.

"Zach, you can't just push him away." Jonah sighed, the two of the them lying side by side on his bed. The said boy turned to look at Jonah, his eyes black pits that seemed to pull you in.

"Zach, there's no reason to be scared. No one could be worse than your dad was."

"Is." He mumbles miserably.

"I-is?" Jonah stuttered, only receiving a dark nod from the boy, his irises now a swirl of red and black.

Anger and fear.

Zach got up and rummaged around his drawer before tossing Jonah his notebook, letting him read from the past few entries.

"Zach....these entries are from a month ago. Why...why didn't you tell me?" Jonah looked at the boy, and the only response were his eyes turning indigo and a gesture for Jonah to read from it.

"Okay then." Jonah took a deep breath and started reading.

"'What's the point in living if everything we've worked towards just goes away? In 4.5 billion years, the world will end. There will be no trace that we ever existed. Everything we did will be gone, and any evidence that Earth existed will be a black hole. So why do we live if we know we're going to die? Correction: why do I live? The universe has nothing good in store for me. I'm on a roller coaster that only ever goes down.'"Jonah finished reading, thoughts circling his head as Zach told him to read another one.

"'I feel like an experiment, and I hate it. Am I supposed to feel special? Am I supposed to be thankful that I have these freakish eyes that change color every second? It's almost like God made me like this just to watch me suffer. 'Oh, let's have him have freakish eyes.' Poof, freakish eyes. 'Let's have him have an alcoholic and abusive father!' Poof. Alcoholic and abusive father. When mice are experimented on, do they feel special? Do they think that they must have some sort of quality that makes them get chosen? Do they still feel that way when the pain hits, when they get cut open, or when they die? Do they wish they never got chosen? And when the other mice watch, do they think that they'd rather die than live in a cage? Or the opposite way around?" Zach had his eyes closed, but when he opened them, they were gray.

"Read another one." He whispered, barely loud enough for Jonah to hear. He nodded and flipped to the next page, and hesitated when he saw the date. It was a day before Zach had gotten hospitalized.

"Read it." Zach mumbled, staring at the ceiling.

"'The universe is the only consistent thing in the universe. The sun comes up, the moon goes down. The sun goes down, the moon comes up. The stars make the same pattern, the same constellations. Life is different. It's inconsistent. Because one day, your dad can be perfectly fine, and the next day he's reached for the bottle again, and whipped the belt on your back. People find reasons on why they should live. I find reasons on why I should die.'" Jonah flipped to the next page to see a single sentence, written on the day Zach had tried to kill himself.

"'I live because I can't die.'" No words were exchanged as the two boys climbed up to the roof of the house, and lay down, watching the sky as it turned from blue to splashes of red and orange to black.

When Corbyn glanced out his window that night, he saw two figures sitting on the roof of Zach's house.

***

"Zach! Wait up!" Zach stilled for a second but kept walking in the direction of his science class, not wanting to talk to the person currently calling his name.

"I told you to wait up." The curly-headed boy huffed, annoyed.

"Well?" Zach said, leaning against the wall.

"Well," He said, dragging out the 'l', "I was wondering how your eyes worked." Zach pushed himself off the wall and continued walking, not bothering to glance at Jack.

"And you didn't think you could've asked Corbyn?" He questioned.

"I mean, it's your thing to tell. Plus, Corbyn's like a safe when it comes to secrets."

"Well," Zach dragged out the 'l', mocking the older boy. "I don't wanna tell you how they work. Because they're freakish." Jack remained silent as they continued walking.

"Could I at least know what some of the colors mean?"

"You're asking an alexithymic person what their emotions are? Did I not make myself very clear when I said I couldn't feel anything?" Zach rolled his eyes, feeling - what was the feeling? Something that started with an 'a', but right now Zach didn't care.

"I did some research, you can feel some things, right?" Zach decided to give in to the older boy and his questions and nodded.

"Yes, I can feel some things."

"Like what?"

"Anger, fear, hatred and sadness." Jack looked at the boy in disbelief.

"That's all? No happiness? Excitement? Nothing positive?" Zach stopped outside his classroom and faced the older boy.

"Nope." He said, and promptly slammed the door shut in the boy's face.

***

"Jack!" Corbyn yelled for what seemed like the tenth time, trying to get the boy's attention.

All he got was a blank stare and a grunt of acknowledgment.

"Oh my holy motherfucking shit. What is up with you?" Corbyn shook Jack's shoulders violently, trying to get him to focus on the math worksheet in front of him, but he got no response.

"Is this about Zach?" At the word 'Zach', his ears seemed to perk up and his eyes focused immediately. Jack gave a single nod and leaned closer to Corbyn, dropping his voice and speaking softly.

"There's a lot he's not telling me."

***

"He's asking me too many questions!" Zach plopped down on the seat next to Jonah, running his hands through his hair, something he did when he was thoroughly frustrated, or annoyed.

"Annoyed?" Jonah asked in an amused voice.

"If that's the word for feeling like wanting to punch him in the face, then yes, I'm annoyed." Zach smacked his palm on the desk in front of him, then continued. "There is absolutely no logical reason for him to want to know so much!"

"Maybe he likes you," Jonah said, grinning.

"Why would he like me? Why would anyone? Hey, why do you like me?" Zach said, completely missing Jonah's emphasis on 'like'.

The older boy internally rolled his eyes at Zach and replied. "Well, you're different. You're not shallow, like some pieces of shit at this school. And you don't deserve the shit you have to go through." He threw an arm around Zach's shoulders and smiled, a corner of Zach's lips unconsciously tugging up into a half-smile.

"Jonah?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

"No problem, Zach. No problem." Jonah replied, knowing exactly what Zach was thanking him for.  

I'm sorry I'm so forgetful.....