There's Nothing Holding Me Back

.22

it was the day of the funeral and i just felt weak. my friends came back to los angeles with me so i can have some support. i couldn't do this by myself, we find our seats and the funeral begins. im trying to hold back tears but its too hard. "mac was an amazing friend,brother, son, & boyfriend. he made the room light up when he walked in. he will forever be missed." his mom says. my face is covered in my tears and i can feel shawns hand around me.

the funeral was over and i decided to go back to my parents house instead of going to lunch with my friends. i walk into my room and walk to my closet to take my clothes off and change into something less sad & dark. i hear my bedroom door open, i walk out my closet to see that shawn was at my house. "what are you doing here?" i ask. "i didn't want you to be alone." he states. i nod my head and walk over to him. i give him a hug. "thanks for being there shawn." i can hear his heart beating and his breaths are at a steady pace and i feel at peace with him right now.

we pull away and he looks me in my eyes. "i know this is bad timing but god i forgot how beautiful you were." he says while he roams my eyes. i can feel my face getting hot. "wow um thank you shawn." i say nervously. he begins to lean in. no , no this cannot happen right now. but i want it to happen. what am i doing? the person who i loved dearly passed away and the boy that i think im still in love with is trying to make a move right now. his lips finally meet mine and at first i kiss back but then i pull away. "right now isn't a good time." i tell him. he nods. "but can you stay with me tonight? i really need the company." i ask him. he smiles a little and nods.

we walk over to the bed and he holds me tight. i've missed being with shawn and i know its bad for me to say that but anytime i was with mac i had shawn in the back of my head. i thought about him mostly everyday even though i hated him for what he did to me. that boy made me feel different. he was my bestfriend for the longest time. i couldn't forget him.

the next morning i wake up with shawns arm still wrapped around me. i felt at peace with him holding me. after a while i move his hand and walk to the bathroom. i look in the mirror and see my reflection. i looked drained. i felt weak. i never thought i would ever have to go through losing someone so close to me. i wash my face and then head back into my bedroom. i climb back into my bed and scroll through twitter. shawn finally wakes up and now i can bother him. "goodmorning sunshine." i state. he groans. shawn wasn't really a morning person. "im gonna go make some breakfast. any request?" i ask. "some eggs please?" he says while smiling. "roger that." i say while climbing out the bed.

i can feel shawns eyes on me as i walk out the room. i get to the kitchen and see my parents already cooking. "goodmorning keety, how'd you sleep?" my dad ask me. "i slept pretty well, shawn kept me company so i have no complains." i say. "so you all leave back to new york tonight?" my mom questions. i nod my head. "i don't think i can stand another day in this town now that malcolm is gone." i sigh. my dad gives me a pat on the back. "just know we love you." he says. i kiss them both on the cheek and grab the plate of food.

i run back upstairs and open my door. i see shawn changing his clothes but right now he's only in his calvin klein boxers. "holy shit." i say. shawn looks up and sees me staring. "keaton, don't act so surprised you've legit seen me naked like 100 times." he says. "yeah i know but those boxers look super good on you." i say while closing my bedroom door and locking it. "yeah? you wanna take them off of me?" i gulp a little. this is gonna be bad but i need his touch. i walk over to him and place a small peck on lips. i look at him hoping he gets what im trying to do. then it happens. his eyes become darks and he has this evil grin on his face. "jump!" he says. i do what he says and he carries us to the bed. he gets into a position where i can straddle him. he takes no time to get comfortable. he whips his dick out and shoves it inside of me. "ride me princess." he still has that evil smirk on his face. he grabs my neck and makes me go faster. "fuckkkkk shawn! yes right there. this feels so good. holy fuck!" i say while moaning.

my riding gets sloppy and he can tell im about to cum. he flips us over so that way hes on top. he fucks me super hard and pulls out and cums on my chest. "holy shit keaton, that was fucking amazing. you were always good at pleasing me." shawn grabs a towel and wipes his juices off of me. "im gonna go shower, wanna join?" i ask. he gives me this sinister smile and pushes into the bathroom while locking the door. a couple minutes later we get out the shower, i can barely walk so shawn carries me to the bed and helps me put my clothes on. "you ready for our flight soon?" he ask. i nod my head. "i cant wait to be in new york with the goons again." i say. shawn lays down and informs me that hes gonna take a quick nap before we go. i look at him while he sleeps peacefully. i cant help but think of how dumb am i. my ex boyfriend just died and now im here fucking the guy that broke my heart over and over again. but i was meant to be with shawn. right?

im sorry if this chapter is shitty. i just finished writing it and im so exhausted. its 11:30pm rn so i need some sleep but i hope y'all enjoy. thanks for reading 🤞🏾🌼