So how's 2019 going so far Pyrite?

He even showed us your copy of moby dick

What is up people? 

Important question, good or bad news first and should I continue to write this chapter pretending that I'm fine?

Good news: 

I might be able to write another chapter of When it Rains.

That is literally all the good news I have. I'm close to tears.

Bad news:

I did what I was told. I spoke to a trusted teacher in period 2 of Friday because I was having those fucking suicidal thoughts 'again'. Which makes no sense considering it's on my mind 24/7 and it's not even jokingly. I genuinely want to die most of the time. The things stopping me are procrastination, laziness, and guilt. So yeah I did as I was told.

Oh did I mention? The main bad news is that my suicidal thoughts are 'back'

Notice my use of the word main.

(Sincerely me just came on. Anyway)

So I was told to stay in before-mentioned teachers sight for the entire day.

Now this shit has happened before and she knows it. Last year she was my main mental health lady at school. She still is, but I was hoping for a better year than last year.

Last year I learnt my school's policy for threatened students. It's fairl nice tbh, they send me home and won't let me back at school until I have a doctors letter saying my mental health is good enough to go back.

So basically take the fancy terms and softeners out, they're scared for my safety so they suspend me.

This happened last year on 6 seperate occasions.

So that was whenever they saw new cuts, or I would tell someone about my cutting.

Well apparently it also happens when you decide to tell a teacher about your daily casual thoughts. Of the not-so-nice kind.

So let's start this chapter again.

Hi I'm Pyrite, I'm slightly behind in my schoolwork, my friends all seem to have serious mental health issues that they fucking won't go get help for, and I've just been suspended for until I can get a doctors note saying I won't try and kill myself.

I'm not sure how the doctor can tell if it will happen again, but apparently they were wrong considering it happened 6 times last year.

So as I write this currently it is 6:00 pm on Sunday the whatever the date currently is, and tomorrow at 3:15(?) I'm going to a doctor with my grandparents (mum and dad have full time work and can't leave anyway.

I hate my life.

Oh other negatives!

Mum forgot to tell me I was staying at Oma's today so I had a plan to relax and do homework that didn't happen.

I can't find my earphones.

I don't have chocolate.

Maggie still has my fucking chocolate. Goddamn you Maggie, you'd better not of eaten it because I swear to fucking god...

My computer is dead so I have to find other ways to do shit.

My charger for the previously mentioned computer doesn't work. So I would charge it in the library at school except...

Yeah. Fuck this. I don't care anymore. I'm not doing my homework unless I'll actually care. I have mental health to worry about right now.

So hi wattpad. 

How are you?

- Pyrite