Almost a week of me being Kinfaus-bound was passed with lots of meditation and prayers for Brian's spirit, feeling a heavy grief on my heart and mind. I hoped he was in a better place than here, maybe finally reuniting with my mother from all those years ago.
I hadn't told George about the baby yet, as I hadn't felt like doing much talking at all. Brian's death had been weighing down on both George and I alike, not only having lost an amazing man, but the man who dealt with the boys' business affairs.
George became much more tense than usual, the boys scrambling unsure what to do.
I knew of many reporters and fans outside of our gates waiting to catch a glimpse of one of us to snoop into our personal lives, and I could barley stomach the thought of having Brian's story profited off of like the greedy pigs they all were.
I went into the fridge grabbing myself all the food I could find in need of yet another snack before lunch, hearing George talking on the telephone.
"Tony, look I've got enough to worry about here at home, I don't think this is the right time for us to be discussing another movie." He scolded their publicist.
I walked over to where I was in George's view.
"Do it." I mouthed pointing to the phone with food bunched up in my arms.
I was still terribly distraught by Brian's death and I knew George was too, but I also knew George had to continue on with being a Beatles and it was more important now than ever for the boys to stand with a united front.
"Just a minute." George spoke into the phone before putting it to his chest, looking oddly at the amount of food I held in my arms.
"Paul wants to discuss a movie this afternoon, but we've only just started grieving," he became almost angry, seeming to think they were being cruel to wanting to work.
"George, I think it'll help you all move forward." I nodded appealing to his better judgment.
He took a moment of thought before nodding and putting the phone back to his ear.
"Alright, I'll do it, but Paul better slow down a bit." He continued his conversation as I walked over to our living room, sitting down on one of the cushions that was placed on the ground and placing my food on the table, beginning to look through some old scrapbooks of Brian and I when I was young.
Biting into an apple I sighed at the happiness weaved in throughout each page. Melancholy tears welled up in my eyes as I skimmed the pages, reminiscing on the time we had spent together.
"Did you want to come this afternoon?" George inquired softly, coming over to sit across from me.
I looked up to him with a quiet shake of my head, knowing if I spoke I would only begin sobbing.
He nodded looking down to one of the scrapbooks, his wrought up expression causing me to frown.
"George I-" I began, hoping this would be my chance to tell him, praying it would alleviate the amount of tenseness from work I saw in him.
Just then the phone rang once again.
I closed my eyes tightly with a deep breath, almost thankful it had stopped me.
"I'm sorry love." George apologized with a heavy sigh before getting up and walking back over to the phone.
I sat alone with my thoughts as George picked up the telephone. I knew the longer I put off the harder it would be to tell him, but I was petrified. Having children hadn't even been dreamed of between the two of us since we'd become married, we simply just hadn't had the time.
